Your precious snowflakes at lunch

[JenV]

I am not going to mention the restaurant, because I have no beef with them. What I have a beef with is all the parents of small children at lunch today who were SCREAMING at the top of their lungs and bashing their chairs into mine – without an apology from selfish mom, btw – at what point does it not occur to you that you need to take your screaming little brats outside for a time out or just take them home? We had to move tables- and so did one other couple because of kids running all over, screaming and at one point- I kid you not- one kid got out of his chair and looked like he was licking the carpet under the table. Please people – if you know your precious little snotflake (typo and it stays) can’t handle lunch in a restaurant- leave them at home. Please. If your child is in full on tantrum mode, don’t take it out on the rest of us.

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[CountingCoup]

Ok I have to come out of the closet on this one and I’m fully aware that I am taking my life into my own hands with all of those soccer moms out there, but I can totally relate!

What was funny the other day I was taking the (green dragon) bus into the city, something I do not do too often.

I was flipping though my iPod like the majority of people on the bus when it happened…

At a few stops a butt load of school kids entered the bus, (apparently some bus routes are gone and now they ride the metro after school to get home).

Man I felt like I was back in Jr High with the ruckus and noise and movement.

Signs of the times I guess…

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[austin]

Yes, metro riders get to ride school buses now that students have been forced onto metro. I thought it was supposed to be the other way around but they might as well paint all metro buses yellow. I guess they didn’t have the funds for the “How To Conduct Yourself On Public Transit” assembly presentation at the schools this year, and we know the parents didn’t prepare them for the experience based on how they let the littler ones run buck wild in any public space as if it were their living room. Sign of the times indeed. Or a sign for a need for tighter controls on pandemic breeding.

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[JimmyG]

I’ve got no (current) beef with the kiddies but had to come into this thread and say the thread title is classic, gave me a very good laugh this morning.

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[Irukandji]

JenV,

Even as the parent of a toddler I have to agree with you. If a parent is not prepared to remove a misbehaving child from a restaurant, the meal ought be at home. This is not to say that young children ought have perfected manners, but that there is a clear line between acceptable and unacceptable restaurant antics.

I have limited outings to real restaurants for just this reason, and when we go out to anyplace that has table service I have no problem telling a lunchmate that they may be eating solo if things get rough.

We’ve had some good times, and other times I’ve laid money down and left. I’ve also spend time outside in the rain or in the car waiting until kid was in an appropriate frame of mind to be in a restaurant.

I’m not starving, and conversation can happen nearly anytime and anywhere. It’s not my kid’s right to make others miserable, and it’s my responsibility first and foremost to manage how he learns this.

Funny, though. When I first read the headline I assumed you must have had waitstaff with dander. I’m glad I took the time to read the thread and hear that there are people who still care about having a meal be an event, not a ruckus.

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[JoB]

I know that i raised my children in the dark ages.. but i remember more than once spending time in the car with a child who couldn’t settle down in a restaurant and missing out on my hot meal because my child was causing a disturbance for others.

I am not one of those old codgers who expect that you should raise your children the way i raised mine..

but i do expect that i should be able to go out into public.. into local stores… into restaurants… into movie theaters… and spend my hard earned money to be there… without having to leave because of the migraine induced by more than one child’s squealing tantrum.

I have been in stores a lot lately searching for the storage items that make living in a small space with hobbies possible and have left nearly every store with a splitting headache… which necessitated spending the rest of that day and part of the next in bed… in spite of access to some of the best pain pills available.

I love children… but at the moment i am not loving the parents of those children so much.

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[JoB]

i have to add that i do have a beef with restaurants who do not politely ask patents to control their children.

Their screaming children are not part of the ambiance i am paying for when i go out to eat and i don’t think it is too much to assume that i should get what i pay for.

i choose not to go to restaurants that choose amplified noise as part of their ambiance..

any more than i choose to frequent kid friendly and kid noisy establishments unless i am in the company of my grandchildren or in the mood for friendly noise.

it turns out my favorite local hangout… the Luna Cafe … is exceedingly kid friendly.. yet we have rarely encountered unruly children who are ignored by their parents in there.

If a child gets out of hand, a member of the staff comes over and starts paying attention to that child whose parents then give them the attention they were trying to get by misbehaving.

ok.. so the batmobile can get more than a little annoying on occasion… but if you sit in the back and play oldies it all works out fine:)

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[meg]

As the mama of a 10 month old…I agree! I like to be able to bring her out to eat with us. But, I also fully expect if she is “losing it,” that I will need to leave. I know it isn’t always easy taking a kid to a restaurant….but as parents that is part of what we “signed up for.” Get a sitter or you are still on ‘parent duty.’

Don’t expect the staff to either entertain or provide entertainment for your child.

Use the time out at a restaurant to teach and enforce some basic table manners and ‘inside voices.’

And come on….don’t expect the staff to clean up all the cheerios your little one threw on the floor. Not cool. Not cool at all.

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[JoB]

it’s good to know some things about motherhood have survived the generations…

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[Irukandji]

Yeah, I know if I wasn’t so diligent about these things, my mom would tell Grandma and then would I get THE LOOK. Yikes!

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[JoB]

LOl..

i can still hearts with the look:)

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[GenHillOne]

I’ve been known to use the look on other people’s kids. I figure it’s a pretty good first step.

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[JoB]

me too.. and more often than not it works.

it’s when i realize that i have become the mean old witch who used to live on our block that i have to laugh.

she was really a very sweet lady… she used to bake cookies for us and kept a candy bowl by her door…

but boy she had the look down:)

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[rykrite]

I’m the mother of a five year old, and I tell you, the parents you’re referring to give other parents a bad name! I don’t think I’m harming my daughter by teaching her to give up her seat on the bus (if it’s crowded) for an elderly, pregnant, or disabled person; she certainly isn’t allowed to have tantrums in resturants, and never has. (I also have spent more time that I’d like walking outside a resturant with an energetic girl.) I bring a “resturant bag” with us – she has books, markers, stickers etc to entertain herself with so that she’s happy AND the patrons are happy. There are lots of parents out there like me, but the parents who disregard the societal niceties give the rest of us a bad name.

I used to be a teacher. I LOVE “the look” and had a chance to perfect it even before I became a mom. :-)

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[SuitsarenotBoring]

My mom and I just were discussing this topic. We were waiting in the airport and a little boy about 3 or 4 was running around screaming and crawling under the seats. His brother was desperately trying to corral him while his father pretended he did not see what was happening. We finally moved.

We discussed that we have total sympathy for the parent whose child has hit the end of its tether and is having a fit. There are times when you just cannot control a meltdown. You can and should remove the child, if possible, but I have totally felt for the exasperated mom in the check-out line with the toddler having a meltdown.

However, it is when the child is just screaming and running in a place such as a restaurant, store or airport that is a problem. This child was under our seats hooting and laughing – and that is not acceptable. In that case, I commend the brother, a little boy himself, for realizing this was not right.

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[pbgirl423]

I am a mother of a very active two year old and believe me, I would be 100% more mortified and disappointed in the lunch experience than you. Most of these “selfish moms” you are referring to are probably wishing they could literally disappear but instead would like to try to enjoy a rare outing to a restaurant with a friend. I barely ever take my son to lunch at a restaurant but every now and then a good friend will want to meet me for lunch near their workplace. I’m not going to let my toddler rule my life all the time so sometimes it’s an unavoidable situation.

I believe you were also young once and might have caused a stir for your own parents in a public place. Grin and bear it through your next meal and thank the gods you don’t have to deal with that kid once your lunch is done!

By the way, I wish I knew where you ate lunch because it sounds like a great place to take kids.

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[Cait]

My little ritual when this happens? Bow my head and thank God for my virtually assured infertility. I feel for you, mortified moms. That’s a tough one indeed. But holy crow it sure makes me wanna break out the Advil right in front of you and give you the look. I do from time to time. But know that deep down, beyond my migraine, I’m just really feeling sorry for you.

As much as I love kids (and I really do) it’s hard for me not to see them as just unruly less-smart versions of adults with free reign to scream and poo whenever they like.

…Alright maybe it’s just jealousy.

Scream away kiddos. But when you’re old enough to reason with, you’d better keep your trap shut while I’m enjoying my night out or you’re gettin’ the death glare. Babies, I can understand. Toddlers and children above 5… they’re gonna get it.

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[JenV]

PBgirl, it was like a Mommy and Me class in there – except for the mommies were not paying attention to anything their little brats did – they were more interested in talking and drinking wine. Between the 3 of them there were at least 6 kids at the table behind us- all under the age of 4. All of them misbehaving. Mom bashing her kids chair into me and not apologizing. It is the stupid selfish parents I have a problem with. If they are SO desperate to have lunch out- hire a babysitter! Geez, it would be- what – $20 extra? And the peace of mind of actually having a nice lunch rather than listening to their screaming kids and knowing you were ruining the lunches of those around you?

Yes, I was young once- and my parents would NEVER have stood for that kind of crap. It was out to the car and home if there was ANY acting up. But, I had responsible parents who put raising us to act properly in public over their own selfish need to have dinner in a restaurant. It takes all kinds, I guess.

We take my 5 yo niece out to dinner quite often- and have since she was a lot younger- and she is always the most well behaved child in any restaurant we take her to- so I know it’s possible…you just have to give a damn about the child and the impact of the child on the world around you – not your own selfish desires.

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[pbgirl423]

I completely understand the frustration of trying to eat your lunch in an atmosphere that does not involve wild banchees running around but sometimes it just has to happen unless the parent wants to forbid themselves from having a social life with kids. I’m just thankful that the majority of people around us have seen the horror in my own eyes and sensed my embarassment and have been kind enough to say to me “it’s ok, we’ve all been there” or “it’s ok, kids don’t know better”. Anyone who has a child under 3 that will sit nicely at a table and eat without wanting to yell, throw food or fidget should thank their lucky stars! My son says please and thank you (at age 2 this is considered VERY polite) but he’s not old enough to understand the impact he has on others when HE is upset. Their little worlds still revolve around them. I’m sorry that this impacted you enough to take the time to post about it, but I have sat through many, many lunches and dinners at restaurants before I had a child of my own and gave “the eyes” to the parents in the hopes they would leave. Shame on me I guess!

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[Cait]

Ya know, I have to say, I’m glad it took more than 5 posts to get to this point, but I did see it comin’.

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[pbgirl423]

Cait, I love your original post above. You said it perfectly!

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[JenV]

I just don’t understand what is so hard about taking the child outside until it calms down, Pbgirl? or hiring a babysitter? no one is saying you need to completely forgo a social life..just some personal responsibility would be nice.

the world does not revolve around those with kids. If your kid is throwing a sh*t fit, take it outside until it calms down. It’s very simple. But most parents sit there with a blank look on their face hoping it will just stop on it’s own.

I am very thankful I have such a well behaved niece – and it’s because her parents never hesitated to do the right thing and not encourage her bad behavior.

oh, and I was a nanny for 5 years….so I have lots of experience with small children. this is not coming out of left field from someone who doesn’t have kids.

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[GenHillOne]

Active does not equal misbehaving and to suggest that others grin and bear it only supports the previous definition of a selfish parent. You are not doing yourself, your child, your dining companion, or those around you any favors by sticking it out when things go badly. Yup, you might need to adjust your social calendar for a bit. I parent based on mutual respect and it looks a little flower-power now and then. However, I have had one very old-fashioned rule from day 1 – NO BRATS HERE. This includes appropriate behavior in public, back-talking, and lying. I firmly believe that brats grow into snots, who grow into jerks, who grow into a**holes. I’m not in this job to raise an a**hole. My child could recognize at a very early age when a child was misbehaving and something must be going right because we’ve yet to experience even the terrible twos now 13 years later. In return, he was eating in restaurants that didn’t even possess booster seats when he still needed one.

Might I suggest that those who see GOOD behavior in a restaurant, etc., pass along the complement to child and/or parent. For those who put effort into it, it is greatly appreciated and it is really cute to see how proud a little one looks when a stranger tells them what good restaurant manners they have!

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[Cait]

GenHillOne – I think that if I ever get to have kids in the future that’s going to be my mantra. Not even joking. “Don’t raise more a**holes” LOL!

I was watching this woman with her kid at the Safeway water dispensing machine and the kid was jumping around swatting at the buttons and you could tell mom was at the end of her rope. She just sighed and said “For God’s sake stop acting like a horse’s a** – you’re gonna break it.” Flashes of my Dad lol. Calm, cool, but still lettin’ you know you’re a horse’s a**. I just chuckled. I couldn’t help it. The kid stopped just like I used to and everyone moved on. Poetry lol

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[JimmyG]

I know I’ll catch hell for this bit of information I’m about to share, but not every person likes children and wants to spend time around them. (One reason we like Talarico’s.)

Yes, we were all children at one time, and I remember sitting out in the car a time or 2 with my dad after I couldn’t mind my manners in a restaurant.

But that said, as an adult I choose to live my life with little to no interaction with kids. I don’t find them cute, or amusing, or particularly interesting creatures. So thankfully I don’t often run into the problem the OP had with out of control kids since we don’t go to very many places kids hang out.

I don’t give the look though when a parent’s not watching their child–I speak with them about asking/telling their child to stop kicking my chair or touching things on my table (at Angelina’s once).

I’m not a resident of the village that needs or wants to raise your snowflakes.

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