The Stranger

[SCulp]

I was in a local restaurant picking up a carryout order with my young child (who is a voracious reader) when he asked my about the cover of the latest Stranger newspaper. I thoughtfully changed the subject because, without reading the story, I suspected it was a topic that his little mind couldn’t manage. A couple of days later I read one of the cover stories he was asking about – “Twenty-One Things I Learned at My First H*&P!”.

As a parent, my stomach was in my throat to think that my child could have such easy access to something like this and even worse, grow up thinking this behavior might just be okay (and meaningful??).

Is anyone concerned about the easy exposure kids have to this? I see this newspaper everywhere. I understand freedom of the press, but wow! Maybe this has been discussed before and I’m just out of the loop.

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[JoB]

I am impressed by parents who pay attention to what their children are reading.. even if it is headlines.. and ensure that what they read is age appropriate.

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[JimmyG]

You can’t spell out Hump?

When your kid asks, tell him/her it’s a story about an elephant, or a camel and leave it at that.

I’ve no problem with The Stranger covers. Complain to the businesses displaying it if you’re bothered by it.

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[JanS]

Thanks for spelling that out, Jimmy G. I had no idea what she was talking about, as I don’t pay ,much attention to The Stranger. I kept thinking…hemp? help? And now I’m thinkin’…the person who wrote the article must be oh, so sensitive to call it a hump…how very romantic…bet there were no candleights, flowers, and fireworks – lol.

To the OP. I understand that there is exposure to children from all sorts of things out there. I agree with the person who said to just tell him that it’s something innocuous, like a camel, etc. Sometimes kids don’t need a long explanation. Something short and sweet, and…they’re happy. :)

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[WSB]

To clarify, “Hump” is the name of the Stranger’s annual contest for homemade pornography. That’s what the cover story is about. This year’s winners will be announced Wednesday on Slog (the Stranger’s group blog, which includes sometimes-stellar news/issues coverage along with much raciness and unfortunately frequent doses of anti-fat-people prejudice) – TR

p.s. reminder to discuss the issue/concern, NOT the person raising it. I happened to still have this thread in an open window when a rule violation turned up and have deleted it. Otherwise, I’m not always in the forum so please flag rule violations by e-mailing:

editor@westseattleblog.com

with the thread name (URL helps too).

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[MissK]

That is the glory of living in our fair country. Newspapers can be for public consumption and not an underground production. I think that if a child asks a question, shouldn’t you give an age appropriate answer? As for the word “hump” I don’t think that is a dirty word. The Stranger can be albeit lude at times, but it also writes pretty great articles. Personally, I think the more you try and shelter and shield your child, the more they are apt to seek answers or freedom in other ways.

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[Cait]

I have always loved how my mom handled situations like this (and this is how I handled it when I was a nanny.) When I would ask about inappropriate things like this that were obviously beyond my maturity level my mom would (very sincerely I might add) say “Oh, gee honey. I don’t know!” and then quickly change the subject and I would forget. Worked like a charm. Better to think my mom was naive I suppose! :) When I tried it on the kid I nannied for it always worked a like a charm.

I hope the Stranger never leaves. I used their adds and articles for art projects in my room when I was in middle school and I had some pretty cool stuff up for a long time (though generally nothing from the “personals” section.)

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[HunterG]

I’ve loved the stranger ever since I was a pre-teen. Growing up in Port Orchard out in the sticks it’s pretty easy to have a sheltered childhood – especially if you have my folks to raise you.

At 12 and 13 reading the Stranger, I learned a lot about what was coming down the pipeline in a couple years – and having that knowledge helped me stay out of some trouble.

The Stranger is a little risque for kids 12 and under, but today’s kids are a lot different than kids were even when I was one (and I’m not that old just yet…)they’re like little tiny grown ups running around.

I would applaud your child and be happy for asking you about what something was, so you could “give it to him straight” instead of him having to sneak the answer from the internet.

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[SCulp]

To be more pointed with the discussion:

(1) Do you think the events/behavior described in the article referenced is okay? Why or why not?

(2) Would you want your children (any age group)to get a hold of this, and with such broad and easy access?

(3) Would you aspire for your children to participate in such an event when they grow up? Why or why not?

(4) How are articles and events like this helpful to people (or even necessary)?

I’d appreciate direct and thoughtful answers to the questions. I am sincerely a concerned parent continuing to seek understanding of the world, and more specificaly, the community my child will grow up in.

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[Cait]

Well, first of all I think the behavior in question was engaged in my consenting adults. I don’t have children, but was rather recently underage and I can tell you that if you’re curious about things like this – you’re going to hunt down the info. I read stuff like this in the Stranger at a very young age, honestly, and it never really affected me OR my friends. We were more fascinated by it than interested (ie “Omigod… these people are so weiiiiird! *squeal*)

Personally I think the last two questions are irrelevant in the context – it assumes that your children are going to do these things because they read it in the Stranger which I don’t think gives them enough credit (I don’t mean that personally, because I know that it’s a parental instinct.) I think that what determines whether or not your child will do that is determined by things other than reading the Stranger. I read about plenty of that stuff even from as young an age as 11 and I would never do it. It’s a matter of personality not exposure.

It’s important to remember that you can shield your kids from this stuff, but the chances that they have friends who are interested in this are pretty high. You can only shield them from so much. While I don’t think you should go out of your way to explain this stuff to them when they ask (because it may not be appropriate in your parent/child relationship at a certain age), I think you have to realize they will learn about everything you wish to shelter them from way before you’d like them to. And while it’s uncomfortable to find out about – I think it’s natural.

The article doesn’t have to be helpful or useful – that’s the beauty of the free press.

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[JoB]

I read lady Chatterley’s lover at 12 and just didn’t get what the big deal was.

I was a very naive 12.

i read it again in my 30s and suddenly understood what had concerned the adults around me.

It’s amazing how children compartmentalize information.

i certainly never connected anything in Lady Chatterley’s Lover to the abuse i was receiving from my stepdad…

nor did i actually connect what was happening with my stepdad with sex until after i became sexually active…

and that very nearly didn’t happen more than once because once i did it was a big euwwww !!!

I think parents should worry more about keeping open communication with their children than about what a child may or may not be exposed to in the larger world. sooner or later, they will be in that world without you.. and it’s amazing what they pick up from friends… at a very early age.

imagine my surprise when I overheard my preschool children and nieces teasing the only male.. my son.. about the old in and out in the backseat.. and yes they sort of knew what it meant.

they thought it was gross.. and certainly didn’t connect that with anyone they knew..

they were tormenting him with it because it was gross and it had something to do with boys.

don’t pick on ben just because he is a boy ended that one…. and it was years before that subject came up again.

Relax… your kids will do just fine in a world with lots of different people and lots of different ideas as long as you talk with them.. not at them.

talking with them and making them feel they can tell you anything is the best defense against all forms of child abuse… even that happening in your home.

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[melissa]

I was at Abbondanza picking up a pizza with my 3 and 6 year olds. We sat at a table that had a copy of The Stranger lying on it. My son went to pick it up and I told him that it was a magazine with pictures for grown ups in it and that he could read it when he was older. He asked me why and I explained that they just weren’t pictures that would make sense to a little person and that they might upset him. He said okay and asked if he could have a piece of bread while we waited for our pizza. And that was the end of that.

I read and enjoy The Stranger, although I usually read it online so I can keep up with Slog (their group blog), but my son is too young for it. I get a heck of a lot out of their local coverage though, so I’m glad it exists.

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[Jo]

This topic reminds me of the time when my oldest was around 3. I walked into the room and there he was bent over the Playboy Centerfold in all her glory.

As I hurried over to take the magazine away, he looked up, grinned, then pointed at the part of the centerfold that intrigued him most. “Green shoes, Mommy!”

Kids just plain see things differently than we do.

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[WesCAddle]

Green shoes…. I think I have that issue.

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[B-squared]

when i was in first grade (sixties), my friend and i came home from school and asked mom what f*ck meant. it had been spray painted on the sidewalk in front of the school. mom plainly told us it was a swear word and she didn’t want to hear us using it. we were fine with that answer and forgot about it soon after. had my mom had to field a question about the HUMP edition of the stranger, she would have said it was an adult magazine and not really something that would interest me. i would have left it at that – probably because she didn’t get alarmed or angry at my question. her nonchalance about the issue kept it from being a taboo, thus intriquing, subject.

And, from someone who attended HUMP last night:

it was a hoot! much of it goofy, but some of it not to my taste at all (i thought that last year it was better). there were about 12 showings of HUMP and they were all sold out. i don’t think pornograpy is ever going to go away, and the line between art and pornography is very blurry. keeping children sheltered from it is probably a losing battle. better some thoughtful, age-appropriate discussions of it’s existance than creating a taboo around it that might make it compelling later.

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[Diane]

I rarely look at the Stranger, so was I ever surprised on election night 2005 to find my photo on front page of their website, still in archived smaller version at http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=25060

~

“Election Night 2005 City Council Incumbents and Nickels Win, Monorail Crashes, the Gas Tax Repeal Fails, and the Smoking Ban Passes” BY THE STRANGER ELECTION CONTROL BOARD

Seattle’s Only News Section • Nov 10 – Nov 16, 2005”

~

those of us who worked hard to pass smoke free law were celebrating near Pike Market; I had just introduced myself to this wonderful Dr. who spearheaded this version of the smoking ban, so we had literally met like 10 seconds prior, though it looks like we’re together; anyway, when I got home that night, I searched all the news sites for election coverage, and was shocked to see my photo on front page of the Stranger

~

I do enjoy some of the political SLOG pieces, and Dan Savage

~

~

re: “when i was in first grade (sixties), my friend and i came home from school and asked mom what f*ck meant”

~

when I was 7 (1959) some kids said f*ck on the playground; I asked what it meant and threatened to ask the playground monitor, so another 7yr old pulled me aside and told me it meant going to the bathroom; apparently not convinced, the next morning after our family bible study in the living room, I asked my dad in front of everyone “what does f*ck mean?”; my 8 yr old brother ran out of the room aghast that I asked; I didn’t get an answer; but that memory is so clear, and still makes me lol

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[cakeitseasy]

SCulp,

I’ve been reading The Stranger since its inception, and maybe I’m used to it being around. However, I do think it’s really pushed the envelope on bawdiness over the years, and I do find myself occasionally wondering how an often vulgar publication can be so…in your face. But the fact remains they can get away with it because they are the only decent rag in town (and I enjoy reading it, read it regularly and I’m glad its easy to pick up anywhere). It’s kind of funny that many of us rely on our news reporting from a free publication that sponsors a yearly homemade porn contest and gets its revenue from dildo sellers! But there it is. Now, as for your inquisitive tot, I think the advice and opinions here cover it pretty well…don’t sweat it. I’d be more worried about your young child asking you what “bootylicious” means, found scrawled on a young girl’s bum. I’d worry more about how to explain that to a kid. And I find that far more disturbing than anything in the Stranger.

Oh, and by “decent”, I mean, their reporting. Ahem.

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[MissK]

It’s all about how sheltered you want your child.

I remember when “Purple Rain” came out,I was I think in the 5th or 6th grade. I had the tape and LOVED all the songs. I didn’t realize till I was in my 20’s and was listening to it again what Prince was actually singing about.

I think at times The Stranger pushes the envelope, but it’s a choice if you want to read it or not. If your kid gets a glance at a cover and asks about it, tell him/her that it’s for grown-ups and steer them towards something else. I am positive they will forget about it if not a big deal is made. If you get all ruffled about it then it makes a kid want to see it more.

I was recently in Vegas, and at the Mandalay Bay in one of the areas there are plaster busts of different body parts. There was female breasts and buttocks. I was walking behind a family and the little boy wanted to look up and see “the butt” and his mom said ” Don’t look up at the butt!” The little boy looked up. I think if the mom would have said “yep that sure is a big butt” the kid would have laughed and been satisfied.

Instead he was defying his moms attempts to shield him from the plaster butt.

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[austin]

I’d be more worried about the stranger turning your kids into snide, crass hipsters who hate west seattle than I would about deviant sexual influences or the fact that they can’t manage to write a f**king newspaper article without using the f**king F-word every other f**king word.

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[datamuse]

Austin, that seems like a chicken-or-egg sort of question: does the Stranger turn people into snide, crass hipsters? Or does it attract them?

Though cakeitseasy seems like a reasonably nice person. :D

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[SuitsarenotBoring]

As a person who grew up in Las Vegas, I can state that being aware of some of these things as a child does not necessarily harm children. My parents handled my questions with grace and humor and never told me more than was “age-appropriate,” but I was aware that there were activities in town for “adults only” – which is not hard to notice when taxis carried ads for “Nudes on Ice.” (It was a real show at the old Union Plaza – not making that title up)

In many ways, I think my exposure to the fact that these sort of activities existed made me less interested in them as an adult. They weren’t something made glamorous by being hidden from me. Also, the fact that my parents were open with me when I asked about these topics when I was little made it easier for me to talk to them about the harder topics that come up with teens.

If the pre-teen I mentor has asked me about the Stranger cover when she was younger, I would simply have told her they were movies for adults and she likely would have assumed that meant boring stuff and moved on.

Miss K – Purple Rain was one of only a few movies my parents told me I couldn’t see when it came out (I was 9) – and I still haven’t gotten around to it! I had no idea what the lyrics to that or “She-Bop” meant until I was in my 20s!

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[ellenater]

I agree with other posters that there are ways to tell kids things that are appropriate to their age levels, without being condescending. I read a great thing in a book once where the protagonist was asking her father things that were over her head and her dad said that he keeps that information for her until she is ready as that is part of his job. It was really sweet. I think you can make it an issue for your kids, where there wasn’t one before.

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[Cait]

I’ll never forget my parents discussing how terrible it was that one of their friends was called “the c-word”. Of course I wanted to know what it was… My clever mother said that that c-word was “concubine”. I spent years thinking that it was the dirtiest word in the English language. LOL! I can’t believe how quick on her feet she is!

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