- This topic is empty.
-
AuthorPosts
-
September 18, 2008 at 1:41 am #639533
AnonymousInactiveRevolver Trooper Palin
I guess that’s means I’ll have a love/hate relationship with my parents. Or that I’m supposed to shoot myself.
September 18, 2008 at 5:47 am #639534
TrickParticipantSeptember 18, 2008 at 6:51 am #639535
miwsParticipantSeptember 18, 2008 at 12:50 pm #639536
ZenguyParticipantChop Meth Palin…is that a drug dealers name?
September 18, 2008 at 2:20 pm #639537
JoBParticipantMaybe it is a superhero drug fighter name?
September 18, 2008 at 2:54 pm #639538
rs261MemberSeptember 18, 2008 at 3:15 pm #639539
JoBParticipanti like that one. i’m jealous.
September 18, 2008 at 11:17 pm #639540
miwsParticipantSarah Palin comes up Flack Gobbler Palin.
September 18, 2008 at 11:22 pm #639541
miwsParticipantJohn McCain, Steam Fangs Palin
September 19, 2008 at 6:20 am #639542
charlabobParticipantFrom a miscellaneous blog (you thought *I* made this up?)
Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. These choices made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
September 19, 2008 at 6:39 am #639543
ZenguyParticipantOh Charlabob, my grandfather was HUGE on puns and saw that coming from a mile away. It made me smile non the less!
September 19, 2008 at 7:20 am #639544
charlabobParticipantMine too – I couldn’t stop grinning when I found it.
September 19, 2008 at 7:30 am #639545
inactiveMemberCharlabob-
Puns!!! What a good one!!! Yes, I’m a sucker for puns – good and bad. I blame my mother, who made me memorize Ogden Nash poems.
Got more? Love ’em.
Thanks !
September 20, 2008 at 6:00 am #639546
RainyDay1235MemberAnd how about a musical EVERYONE can enjoy!
September 20, 2008 at 8:04 am #639547
JanSParticipantRainyDay…love it !!! thanks :)
September 20, 2008 at 5:40 pm #639548
GenHillOneParticipantNot political, but this was me and my printer this week so it has made me cry laughing over and over this morning –
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvBiSW5QFKY
‘course, maybe it could be applied to politics… can we just beat on the system until it works for us? ;)
September 21, 2008 at 6:56 pm #639549
JanSParticipantGHO…that was too, too funny…thanks…
September 21, 2008 at 7:40 pm #639550
inactiveMemberSeptember 21, 2008 at 10:20 pm #639551
JenVMemberA young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.
The old explorer said, “Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gunbearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger leapt toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself.”
The reporter said, “Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same.”
The old explorer said, “No, not then – just now when I went ROARRRR!”
September 23, 2008 at 2:38 am #639552
JanSParticipantFirst Time Sex
>> A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have dinner with her parents.
Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it’s his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.
He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he’d like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or Family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl’s parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. ‘Oh, I’m so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!’
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl’s parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the Boyfriend, ‘I had no idea you were this religious’
The boy turns, and whispers back, ‘I had no idea your Father was a pharmacist.’
September 23, 2008 at 3:47 am #639553
JanSParticipantA Voice From The Back Pew
There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher’s family expanded, so would his paycheck.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher’s salary. There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman’s additional children were costing the church.
Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, ‘Children are a gift from God,’ he said.
Silence fell on the congregation.
In the back pew, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said, ‘Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers.’
And the congregation said, ‘Amen.’
September 23, 2008 at 5:09 am #639554
JeraldParticipantJenV, that one made my day!
September 23, 2008 at 5:42 am #639555
IrukandjiParticipantA young girl, having finally gotten the WHOLE story from her mom about where babies come from, manages to sneak in a conversation with her Auntie.
“Auntie! I know where babies come from!” she says.
“Do tell, do tell…”
“Well, first a man takes off his clothes.”
“Okay,” says the Aunt.
“Then a woman takes off her clothes.”
“Go on.”
“And then the man puts his penis in her mouth…”
“Oh, honey, no,” says the Auntie. “That’s not how you get babies. That’s how you get JEWELRY.”
September 23, 2008 at 8:17 am #639556
miwsParticipantI was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me – it was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her “little” sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word.
She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.”
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door.
I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.”
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
September 23, 2008 at 8:13 pm #639557
JeraldParticipantThank you, I needed those. OMG, how funny!
-
AuthorPosts
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.