Class directory

[Anonymous]

I remember that when our daughter was in preschool both at West Seattle Preschool at the YMCA and than at Little Pilgrims she had several playdates with many of her classmates but since she is in elementary school and most of the parents work and the school has a policy of not giving out personal information such as addresses or phone number how is it playdates are handled nowadays???

We were going to throw our daughter a birthday party, I handed out the invites and brought in some cupcakes and I explained to the kids they needed to let their parents or an adult at their house know and call us one way or the other if they were coming tot he party. Not one person called and so we had to cancel the party. Why is it that people don’t RSVP nowadays? Is this another rule I have missed?

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[WSB]

So there’s no school directory at the elementary school your daughter attends? Our son attended two public elementaries here in WS in the past several years and both had class directories every year, including e-mail as well as phone. You could opt out of them, but otherwise, they were fairly comprehensive.

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[Anonymous]

No, unfortunately there is no class directory at Roxhill Elementary. It is heartbreaking that our daughter had to forgo a birthday party just because no one even bothered to RSVP. What more could I have done, I went to the school and handed out in person the invites, I went again to deliver cupcakes and both times I told the kids that if they wanted to come to the party we need to receive a call from an adult so we know how much food, etc… to bring.

I guess I an old fashion but I was always brought up to call or tell someone in person if I planned or not to go to a party.

As my husband told me it was not my place to contact people even if we had an email address or phone number, that would be tacky. If for some reason not everyone had transporation we would have helped them out.

We still would like to throw a party for our daughter but how do we when people don’t RSVP????

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[WSMom]

This is a really hard situation. Have you talked with the school about their decision to not give out a directory? A directory is really needed for parents to connect so the children can connect. I’m sure you’re already doing some of these things, but here are some ideas off the top of my head…

Driving on fieldtrips, going to PTSA meetings and helping with class parties are ways to meet the parents. Your child’s classroom teacher might be able to help brainstorm some ways you can help your daughter connect with her classmates outside of the classroom. Have you invited any children from class over just to play after school? How about organizing the girls in your daughters class to all be on the same West Seattle Soccer Spring team together. Perhaps the teacher would send the forms home with the girls. There is also West Seattle Girls Softball League. Both of the organizations are terrific and will allow kids from the same school to request to play together. I hope this is helpful! Good luck!

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[Anonymous]

Thanks for all your suggestions!! We would love for any of her classmates to come over to play, but we can’t because they need parental permission and without a way to contact the parent it can’t happen! Again, most of the parents of children at Roxhill work and whenever I drop off or pick up our daughter I make a point of going in the school and on the playground and still I don’t see 1 parent, all the kids must take the school bus home.

When I asked the front desk for a class list all I got were the first and last names of the kids, no email or phone number as they don’t give out that information.

From what our daughter is telling me is that most of the kids take the school bus to and from school and there are alot of latch-key kids with no adult supervision at home when they get home.

Our daughter takes swimming and has taken karate and dance in the past.

As for field trips, per the teacher most parents are at work and I have already been with the kids on 2 field trips and there was only one other parent and she didn’t speak English well.

We aren’t sure if the kids in her class have transporation to events and might be embarassed to tell us they don’t have a car.

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[add]

It’s true that Seattle Public Schools are not allowed to publish family contact information. At our school (and probably others) the PTA takes responsibility for publishing the family/school directory. Perhaps you can ask Roxhill’s PTA if they would be willing to make this happen. It involves sending home a form asking for contact info and permission to publish for the school community only and then compiling/copying the info and distributing it back out. A tedious task, but definitely worth it!! You will only get those that opt in, but that’s better than nothing at all. I find that people need a deadline, lots of reminders, and then an extended deadline. :)

Don’t get me started on the problem with lack of RSVPs. I don’t know if it’s the Seattle area or just diminishing manners in general, but it is really annoying!! People who do not respond to invitations must have never thrown a party or planned an event. It is really tough to plan, budget, prepare, etc. without knowing how many people are actually going to show up.

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[WSMom]

My heart really goes out to you, this is such a dilemma as it is important for our children to have friendships. One more thought, my daughter had an excellent experience with Girl Scouts. Girl Scouts Totem Council is very well organized and open to all girls from K-12. http://www.girlscoutsww.org/

Every summer Girl Scouts has a two week day camp at Camp Long. This has been the highlight of my daughter’s summer for the last 10 years.

Given the circumstance at your child’s school, you may need to help her develop friendships in other places and/or consider other school options. You sound like a great mom! Good luck!!

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[Anonymous]

Hi WSMOM!!!

I try so hard to help our daughter have different experiences, she is an only child and there are no children in our neighborhood which makes it worse!!! We have always been open to having her friends over to the house, that is if she can find some friends and maybe someday have a sleepover at our house. Our daughter luckily is very outgoing and very friendly and does not seem to have a hard time making friends at school it is just after school everyone disappears and she has us and her cat as playmates. Rarely are other parents at the school so I can’t even get to know the other parents!

I have always had her in at least 1 activity twice a week to be around other kids.

I will give the Girl Scout idea a try and see what they say and if there is room for her to join.

I have since written the school principal and also asked her to give my suggestion to the schools PTA so we wil see if anything comes of this!

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[Bonnie]

No RSVP’ing is a HUGE HUGE pet peeve of mine. It’s just plain rude.

My son went to Roxhill up until last year and I swear I met almost NO parents. I brought him to school every day and even went to all the parties they had and hardly met any of the parents. He goes to Arbor Heights now and I see parents all over the place.

Does the school ever have a parents night or anything like that? Maybe you could go and try to meet some of the other parents and try to get some phone numbers and contact information.

I like the Girl Scouts idea. That would be a great way for your daughter to meet some new friends her age.

Good luck!

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[add]

Girl Scouts is a great idea as is soccer – West Seattle Soccer Club is very inclusive. The teams my daughter has been involved with have included kids from several different schools, yet they have become friends and have non-soccer-related playdates. They do spring soccer, which is a little more informal, as well as in the fall. http://www.westseattlesoccer.org

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[Anonymous]

Hi Bonnie,

Thanks for your input! It is ironic as our daughter was in kindergarten at Arbor Heights and we moved her to Roxhill. You are right about seeing the parents more at Arbor Heights, more parent involvement at that school that is for sure! But moving to Roxhill aside from this problem has been very positive for our daughter and family. I was told by the office staff at Roxhill that more of the parents work during the day than at Arbor Heights, I do remember a high number of stay-at-home-Moms at Arbor Heights.

I am hopeful that my suggest to the principal at Roxhill will not go unanswered, as she has so far been a very good listener.

When our daughter was in 1st grade earlier this year I talked with the only one other parent on a daily basis and most of those kids took the school bus. Now our daughter is in 2nd grade and the situation of the kids being on the bus is the same.

Girl Scouts here we come!!! :)

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[WSMom]

Hi there Lattemom: Since I’ve been pondering your predictament today, I thought I’d throw my last two cents worth in…

I have a child in 2nd grade at Hope Lutheran School and I couldn’t be happier with the school, the 2nd grade teacher and the really nice parents in this class. There are only 17 kids (mostly girls) and quite of few are “only’s” so I hear of lots of afterschool playdates. My other children have gone to a variety of other West Seattle schools over the years and I have to say this one has fit the best. Naturally, everyone has their own ideas about the “perfect” school (there is none!) so, again, good luck and just keep trying!

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[Bonnie]

So funny that you made the opposite move as us. I didn’t move my son out of the school because I wasn’t happy with the school, I moved him because Arbor Heights had a certain program that Roxhill didn’t. I must tell you that Roxhill has some excellent teachers, especially one of the 4/5 teachers who is a very good friend of mine.

I wish there was a perfect school…as there is none.

Have you thought of having your daughter do dance or soccer or another activity? I’m sure there are many other places to meet other girls.

Good luck!

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[Anonymous]

Hi Bonnie,

That is funny we made opposite changes!! Arbor Heights was a good school it just wasn’t the right fit for our daughter and our family, we have felt at home right away at Roxhill and yes it does not have the money and parent involvement as does Arbor Heights but for us it had acouple programs that were not offered at Arbor Heights.

It also does not hurt that they have a rainy day program and the kids aren’t all in a playcourt together as it was at Arbor Heights, I no longer have to worry about our daughter being wet and cold.

Our daughter started at Roxhill in 1st grade and was quickly moved up to 2nd grade at Roxhill, a move she needed as she was bored and not challenged.

She does want to play soccer and we haven’t tried dance in awhile and she is currently enrolled in swimming.

I know we have awhile to worry about this but I am worried when it comes to middle school selection, I am not thrilled about Denny and now with it mergering with Sealth really makes it a no brainer for her not to attend that school.

As for the teachers at Roxhill they are great and I have a good idea which 4/5 grade teacher you are talking about!

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[Bonnie]

I worry about middle/high school too. My kids are 7 and 3. I have another friend who is an excellent teacher at Denny. She teaches language arts and history. But I don’t want it to be combined with a high school. I wouldn’t want my 6th grader to go to school with 12th graders!

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[Anonymous]

Hi Bonnie!

See! That is my problem too!! The thought of 11-12 yr olds going to school with 11th and 12th graders just isn’t good! Explorer West is a great school and our daughters 1st grade class had the opportunity to go there last year for a carnival put on my the Explorer West students, it cost roughly $12,000 to go there. I have heard that denny has some good teachers but still with the high school across the street and now this plan to combine the schools, no way is she going there! I guess private or an alternative middle school would be the only solution.

Our daughter is 7 years old too and since joining 2nd grade she will be in middle school 1 year earlier than thought and it is only 4 years away!

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[Jerald]

Two comments:

When my kids were at Lafayette a few years ago, they allowed a parent to create a class roster by sending a form home with the kids, asking for the information. But that works best if the teacher is supportive and will help remind the kids to return it. And cultural differences seemed to make some families suspicious of the intent. At least you might get some of their contact info.

Also, now that my children are high school/college age, I look at your concerns about middle school from a different perspective. I remember being terrified of those big kids as my eldest moved into middle and then high school. Now it seems funny to me as I’ve come to realize that they’re still just kids and fun to be around. I’ve had children at Denny, Madison, Sealth, and Garfield, and never had any significant problems between my kids and the other students. They laugh when I ask them if they feel endangered. They have enough “street smarts” to avoid threatening situations, just as I knew not to enter a certain restroom when I was in high school (a long, long time ago).

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[Anonymous]

Hi Jerald,

I have already sent my suggestions to the principal and will see what she says first regarding the school policy and personal information, dependening on what she says I will then ask the teacher and I have already offered my assistance to help gather this information, I will even type it up!! :)

I see what you means about now being able to laugh at your past concerns with middle and high school, however it is a different ballgame nowadays, especially with a merger of Denny and Sealth. Since our daughter moved up a grade and will be in middle school when she is 11 it does nothing to know she could be in a school with 11th and 12th graders, sorry!

The cultural differences I think is part of the reason for no directories at Roxhill, alot of the kids in our daughters class are Spanish.

I don’t believe that our daughter would be endangered at Denny or Sealth perse but agin all the influences with being at the same school of much older kids is scary, the drugs, smoking, sex, everything!! I am not trying to shelter her but sgain would like her to remain a kid as long as possible. I know that high school is a whole different ballgame but with only being 11 at middle school does not ease my concerns.

It has been along time for me too being in high school I am coming up on my 30th reunion and the schools and kids are so different then way back then!!

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[Author]

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