Well, if not pizza then I recommend a store that’s brightly lit and sell pull tabs, like whole walls full of them! Perhaps they can sell drinks too. Hipster’s can go there and show each other their overlong pointy shoes (this s why it would have to be brightly lit, of course)!
I really think this is the best plan. It contains the irony. Perhaps the space would need to be negatively pressurized and have special exhaust filtration to contain all of that irony.