White Center: Tales of True Life

[DBP]

At the Dollar Store book table . . .

 

Twitchy old man:  There’s too many books here! When I was a kid it was the other way around. There weren’t enough books back then. (Except for books that nobody wanted to read.) How much are they anyway?

Woman pushing cart:  They’re a dollar. Everything’s a dollar. That’s why they call it the “dollar store.”

Twitchy:  Lookit this! “Holy Bible.” Is there such a thing as an UN-holy bible?

 

(Exit: Twitchy)

 

**************************************************************************************

 

(Enter: Twitchy)

 

Twitchy:   Hey, fella! Would you like to buy a bottle of wine for $5? Not even opened. Pretty good stuff. Cabernet Sauvignon; I know my wine.

Me:  [ . . . ]

Twitchy:   No, sorry. Never mind. Forget I even said that. I don’t wanna cause no trouble.

(Exit: Twitchy)

 

**************************************************************************************

 

At the check-out . . .

 

Twitchy (to cashier):   Can you buy Pepto-Bismol on food stamps?

Cashier:  Hang on. I’ll tell you here in juuust a second.

Twitchy:  Check that out for me, will ya?

Cashier:  We’ll see if it rings up. Hang on.

 

*************************************************************************************

 

Cashier:   Sir, I don’t want to embarrass you, but I can’t accept this. It’s Canadian.

Me:   I thought Canada was our ally.

Cashier:   Look, I’m really sorry . . .

Me:   I think I have another penny. [digs in pocket]

Cashier:   I wish I could accept it, but the bank won’t take it, and then our account won’t balance.

Me:   It’s ok. Here. Here’s another one.

Other customer:   Now every bank has a guy who guards the bank against Canadian money. That’s his whole job.

Me:  I can’t understand it. I thought Canada was our ally.

 

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[munchkin22]

We always heard they were a bunch of commies ;>) A friend’s husband use to tell her she was one because she was from Canada and refused to become a citizen of our Republic. Ehhhh?

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[JanS]

it always fried me that places refuse to take Canadian pennies, yet have no problem doling them out. They have to come from somewhere, if not businesses in your change…right? Unless , of course, they’re magic pennies, and simply change to Canadian while in your pocket :->

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[JoB]

JanS..

it’s a socialist plot

don’t you know

;->

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[Betty T]

Ive always wondered how we get Canadian coins in change when they don’t accept them. Could be they’re in rolls from the bank , that their customers turn in. I know I’ve found them there myself. I buy rolls of quarters from my bank every month and keep only for laundry. Every once in a while a Canadian one appears. I feel cheated cause they won’t take it back.

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[CandrewB1]

What was the make and vintage of the Cab?

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[DBP]

CandrewB1: The gentleman did not state the make and vintage of the Cab, but he assured me that it was worth at least $10.

He actually said that. I just forgot to quote it.

But think of it: a $10 bottle of wine for only $5. And unopened* at that!!

Unfortunately, the gentleman withdrew his offer before I could even speak. So here I sit at my computer, a very much opened bottle of crappy old Irish whiskey in front of me . . .

When I could’ve had a pristine bottle of fancy French WINE.

[Sigh.]

True.

It’s all true.

I swear it.

==================================================================

*Any oenophile can tell you that opening a bottle of wine practically annihilates the resale value. Even if you don’t take a swig.

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[datamuse]

But DBP, it’s Burns Night…you should be drinking Scotch!

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