Rant and….

[wsnative]

Had a nice time at the Beveridge Pl Pub, however, when our tab came it had a pre-printed tip at the bottom of bill. It suggested that we pay our server anywhere from 10% t0 20%. Mind you, we had go to the bar for every drink order. No waitstaff in sight.

We are long time restaurant people. We understand the value of a good tip, but to have the audacity to assume you deserve as much as a server when all you’ve done is lower the tap on a keg is ridiculous.

If you go to a place and get great, attentive service, we will pay you accordingly, but to suggest that we owe someone something other than the charge incurred, is ridiculous.

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[JenV]

$1 per drink/beer is a decent tip…this goes for espresso drinks, too. If you don’t want to tip, drink at home.

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[austin]

I think that some receipt printing devices automatically calculate the tip so you don’t have to drunkenly do the math when closing out the tab. It’s a suggestion based on average tip etiquette that I’ve seen used at bars and restaurants which you may or may not choose to adhere to based on the actual service received.

In regards to service at beveridge place, while they don’t have a table waitstaff to serve you, everyone who works there is super friendly and more than happy to chat away about the details of their vast range of drink on draught and in bottle. Being able to speak with someone who knows the selection well and can offer you guidance and suggestions is far more valuable to me (read: tip-worthy) than a simple drinks-runner. Though they are well on it in regards to clearing away empties; I rarely get a couple of sips into my next before the previous has been whisked away.

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[JimmyG]

$1 a beer/espresso drink is way more than a decent tip. I tend to leave $1 for every 2 beers. No need to get snotty with the OP JenV.

I never run a tab at BPP but pay each round so I’ve never received a recipt, but I think it’s just a suggestion what comes out on the receipt. I’ve seen it at restaurants.

Austin, my last experience (2 weekends ago) at BPP went like this:

Me: I’ll have another Porter.

Barkeep: We have Porter?

Me: Uh, yeah it’s the far left handle.

Barkeep: Well look-ee there!

This tells me that A) I spend too much time there and B) not every member of their bar staff is really in the know on what they have available.

(And I still tipped her.)

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[austin]

Hilarious! And sort of lame. I guess I’ve gotten lucky.. or am chatty at the right times.

I had a “We have Porter?” experience yesterday, but it was at home, and I didn’t know it was there because I thought it had been consumed the previous night. What had actually happened was we had a growler of 9-lb but wanted a different porter, so went down to the bpp where we actually ended up comparing IPAs, resulting in my porter-related surprise the following day.

I’m kind of glad BPP is as far south as it is.. If it were nearer to me I’d have made a pillow fort out of the couches and taken up residence.

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[JimmyG]

Ah yes, wonderful wonderful Porter.

Our house goes into DEFCON One if we’re down to just one or 2 bottles at home. My choice of at home Porter is Deschutes Black Butte Porter. Best I’ve found so far retail.

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[JimmyG]

Oh, and I live within easy walking distance from BPP, so I tend to be there quite regularly.

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[Jiggers]

As someone pointed out, I pay for my drinks everytime I order one in cash. I feel more pressured to overtip(for some reason) if I run a tab and pay for the whole bill at once for conveniency. With the price of liquor and beer making ingredients rising higher, It can get expensive real quick when you go out for a few combined with the tip. I have a few spots that I frequent because the drinks are never weak and always strong so therefore, I will tip better. But if I go into another establishment that I don’t frequent, I will tip less for sure no matter what. But actually, if you run a tab,and Its not your regular bartender, I think you can get away with not paying the full 20%. So if the tab is $25, I’ll leave only $3. Also, if you really have to worry about not tipping the full amount, you shouldn’t be going out drinking it up anyways.

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[austin]

Jimmy- Word. Deschutes makes a damn good porter. Elysian’s Purseus porter is dreamy, though I’m always up for a ride down to Georgetown for a couple of fresh $6 growlers of the 9-lb (and everything else they sell). Mmm porter.

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[barmargia]

I think if you have to go up to the bar or you have to hunt your waiter/waitress down (I’m not saying at BPP, but any restaraunt/bar), then I will tip accordingly, and I don’t think they should get a preset tip just because I had a larger party. Tips should be based upon service.

On the delicious beer front, I found a Deschutes Abyss at MM and I was VERY excited. I haven’t drank it yet, I’m waiting for a non work day, which I think comes next week sometime.

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[elgrego]

What is MM?

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[barmargia]

I’m sorry, it’s Metropolitan Market…I’m just lazy.

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[ToddinWestwood]

Drinking coctails, rules dictate that you watch the bartender pour said drink. If it looks like a good pour ( a strong 4-5 count ) then tip big for the first drink ( $2 min ) then the bartender will remember your good deed and pour you a good one the next time.

If you dont tip or leave .50 cents, then expect zilch for your next one.

see also The 86 Rules of Boozing:

1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour.

2. Always toast before doing a shot.

3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.

4. Change your toast at least once a month.

5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.

6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.

7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.

8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.

9. Get the bartender’s attention with eye contact and a smile.

10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.

11. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot: Great, now I’m going to get drunk. I hate shots. It’s coming back up.

12. Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.

13. If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He’ll get the message.

14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.

15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.

16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.

17. If someone offers to buy you a drink, do not upgrade your liquor preference.

18. Always have a corkscrew in your house.

19. If you don’t have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen.

20. Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.

21. Our parents were better drinkers than we are.

22. Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you’re doing the same thing—urinating, waiting in line or washing your hands.

23. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the bathroom. Men do not.

24. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence.

25. It is only permissible to shout ‘woo-hoo!’ if you are doing a shot with four or more people.

26. If there is a d.j., you can request a song only once per night. If he doesn’t play it within half an hour, do not approach him again. If he does play it, do not approach him again.

27. Learn how to make a rose out of a bar napkin. You’ll be surprised how well it works.

28. If you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.

29. If you owe someone twenty dollars or less, you may pay them back in beer.

30. Never complain about the quality or brand of a free drink.

31. If you have been roommates with someone more than six months, you may drink all their beer, even if it’s hidden, as long as you leave them one.

32. You can have a shot of their hard liquor only if the cap has been cracked and the bottle goes for less than $25.

33. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor.

34. If you bring Old Milwaukee to a party, you must drink at least two cans before you start drinking the imported beer in the fridge.

35. Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every jackass would be doing it.

36. If you ever feel depressed, get out a bartender’s guide and browse through all the drinks you’ve never tried.

37. Try one new drink each week.

38. If you are the bar’s sole customer, you are obliged to make small talk with the bartender until he stops acknowledging you. Then you’re off the hook. The same goes for him.

39. Never tip with coins that have touched you. If your change is $1.50, you can tell the barmaid to keep the change, but once she has handed it to you, you cannot give it back. To a bartender or cocktail waitress, small change has no value.

40. If you have ever told a bartender, “Hey, it all spends the same,” then you are a cheap ass.

41. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better looking.

42. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they keep their drink to their mouth.

43. A bar is a college, not a nursery. If you spill a beer, clean it up. If you break a glass, wait for a staff member to clean it up, then blame it on someone else.

44. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it.

45. It’s okay to drink alone.

46. After three drinks, you will forget a woman’s name two seconds after she tells you. The rest of the night you will call her “baby” or “darling”.

47. Nothing screams ‘nancy boy’ louder than swirling an oversized brandy snifter.

48. Men don’t drink from straws. Unless you’re doing a Mind or Face Eraser.

49. If you do a shot, finish it. If you don’t plan to finish it, don’t accept it.

50. Never brood in a dance bar. Never dance in a dive bar.

51. Never play more than three songs by the same artist in a row.

52. Your songs will come on as you’re leaving the bar.

53. Never yell out jukebox selections to someone you don’t know.

54. Never lie in a bar. You may, however, grossly exaggerate and lean.

55. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English.

56. Screaming, “Someone buy me a drink!” has never worked.

57. For every drink, there is a five percent better chance you will get in a fight. There is also a three percent better chance you will lose the fight.

58. Fighting an extremely drunk person when you are sober is hilarious.

59. If you are broke and a friend is “sporting you”, you must laugh at all his jokes and play wingman when he makes his move.

60. If you are broke and a friend is “making sport of you”, you may steal any drink he leaves unattended.

61. Never rest your head on a table or bar top. It is the equivalent of voluntarily putting your head on a chopping block.

62. If you are trading rounds with a friend and he asks if you’re ready for another, always say yes. Once you fall out of sync you will end up buying more drinks than him.

63. If you’re going to hit on a member of the bar staff, make sure you tip well before and after, regardless of her response.

64. The people with the most money are rarely the best tippers.

65. Before you die, single-handedly make one decent martini.

66. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, “I’m an idiot.”

67. Never ask a bartender “what’s good tonight?” They do not fly in the scotch fresh from the coast every morning.

68. If there is a line for drinks, get your goddamn drink and step the hell away from the bar.

69. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.

70. The patrons at your local bar are your extended family, your fathers and mothers, your brothers and sisters. Except you get to sleep with these sisters. And if you’re really drunk, the mothers.

71. It’s acceptable, traditional in fact, to disappear during a night of hard drinking. You will appear mysterious and your friends will understand. If they even notice.

72. Never argue your tab at the end of the night. Remember, you’re hammered and they’re sober. It’s akin to a precocious five-year-old arguing the super-string theory with a physicist. 99.9% of the time you’re wrong and either way you’re going to come off as a jackass.

73. If you bring booze to a party, you must drink it or leave it.

74. If you hesitate more than three seconds after the bartender looks at you, you do not deserve a drink.

75. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila makes you felonious.

76. The greatest thing a drunkard can do is buy a round of drinks for a packed bar.

77. Never preface a conversation with a bartender with “I know this is going to be a hassle, but . . .”

78. When you’re in a bar and drunk, your boss is just another guy begging for a fat lip. Unless he’s buying.

79. If you are 86’d, do not return for at least three months. To come back sooner makes it appear no other bar wants you.

80. Anyone with three or more drinks in his hands has the right of way.

81. If you’re going to drink on the job, drink vodka. It’s the no-tell liquor.

82. There’s nothing wrong with drinking before noon. Especially if you’re supposed to be at work.

83. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call.

84. A flask engraved with a personal message is one of the best gifts you can ever give. And make sure there’s something in it.

85. On the intimacy scale, sharing a quiet drink is between a handshake and a kiss.

86. You will forget every one of these rules by your fifth drink.

–Frank Kelly Rich

To purchase a full-sized or mini-poster of the 86 Rules, click here.

Visits since July 2002

Copyright 2004 Modern Drunkard Magazine

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[elgrego]

Oh, duh. I go there all the time, haha.

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[Anonymous]

ToddinWestwood – That was hilarious!!!

I know that I’ll get a lot of sh** for sayin’ this, but I think that post was just as long as the average JoB post! Well done!!!

Hope you’re okay, Job.

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[JenV]

NR just made me shoot beer on my computer….

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[Jiggers]

ToddinWestwood…what a waste of time and bandwith geeeezus!1

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[ToddinWestwood]

No Jiggers, you replying to it and dropping your opinion was a waste of bandwidth. Me replying to you is even a bigger waste of time, energy and bandwidth. Good day sir!

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[JenV]

Don’t sweat it, bro. there are a few people on here who find it necessary to be as nasty as possible to anyone they can for any reason. they don’t seem to realize there is a lovely flame war going on over at craigslist R&R that would be better suited to attitudes like theirs….

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[charlabob]

JenV, I’m happy to see someone else owes you a keyboard too. (NR, maybe we can split the cost.)

I’m way behind in being outrageously funny, but I’ll work on it. (This seems to be my obscure phase.)

Flamewar on craigslist? Um, that’s where I go to find jobs I never get and furniture I never buy — who knew I could get free abuse there too!

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[beachdrivegirl]

You all have just made the start of a Friday even better. thx!

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[JanS]

I want free abuse, I want free abuse !!!The free kind is always the best ;-)

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