Parental Supervision Survey….

[RainyDay1235]

So, I’m curious how others feel on this topic….

The other day I was walking my dog heading home through High Point. A baseball game was going on in the back playfield. A little girl walked past me – she couldn’t have been more than 5 or 6 – on her way to the playground at the other end of the park. She stopped to pet my dog – and I asked he where her Mom was. She said she was at the game watching her brothers play.

Now, tehcnically the Mom could ‘see’ her once she was at the playground (definitely not the entire walk there), and this was several hundred yards away (guesstimate). I asked if she had permission to be by herself and she said yes. Now, I passed a woman walking slowly that direction and figured it was ‘Mom’. Once I met up with her I asked if it was her little girl, and she said no.

I felt very uneasy leaving her alone. It seems odd since *I* grew up in the 70s going off doing whatever I wanted, on bike or foot. Maybe I was “told” to hang around my brothers at 5 or 6, but the rules were pretty loose. But it does feel like a different time now….

Also, I have seen some questionable cars & vans ‘park’ on 34th right there. Granted, it’s people eating their lunch, taking work breaks etc but….line-of-sigh or no, it would only take a minute to grab that little girl and be gone.

What should I have done in that situation? Keep walking? Go to the ballfield and make sure her Mom knew where she was?

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[Anonymous]

Gosh, RD, I’m with you. I would have felt uneasy as well.

What should you have done? Not really sure, it can be a delicate situation. Hopefully that little girl made it back to her mom ok.

The other day I was driving down the street in my neighborhood and saw a little girl walking down the sidewalk by herself. I almost hit some parked cars because I was straining to see where her guardian was and never saw anyone. That made me feel uneasy too.

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[changingtimes]

especially after the camp long incident, people should be on the look out and watching there kids a little more closely. There is park down on delridge near my sister in laws house that the kids like to play at since it is a stone throw from there house, my sister in law said kids as young as 4 walk with there brothers and sisters to play in the park, she said last week she was there with her kids and she was the only adult and a grey cadi stopped across the street and a guy was stareing at the kids, she said she felt an immediate red flag so actually (and i yelled at her for doing so) walked up to the creepy guy and asked him what he wanted. the guy said nothing he was just “taking a break” and was like leering at her, anyways she told all the kids in the playground to go home right now and she called the police when she got home and reported the man….not sure what the follow up was. you never know what these weird peoples intentions are but its better to be save then sorry :)and its good of you rainy day to be watching out for others….

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[hopey]

I will probably get slammed for saying this, but… MYOB? If the mom is comfortable with it, that is her business. Also, the girl could have been older than you think. I have a niece who is 8 years old and looks more like six.

I am a stepmom all summer to an 8 year old boy, and that may soon change to all year. If someone came up to tell me that my stepson had “wandered away” after I had given him permission to go play on the playground within my line of sight, I would politely say thank you but internally I would be wondering why you were butting into my business.

Children need to be taught how to take care of themselves and then given opportunities to practice those lessons, not be hovered over by adults who never allow them any independence or to develop their own competence. My stepson’s first solo commercial airplane flight (2 hr flight) just before turning 7 years old is something he now considers to be a major growing-up milestone, and he is very proud to have taken care of himself without mom or dad beside him. Giving him that freedom has helped to build his self-confidence and maturity.

The world is actually safer for kids now than it was in the 70s, despite popular concerns. Here is a blog by a woman who has been castigated by publicly talking about letting her 9 year old son ride the subway by himself. She provides information and links to debunk a lot of the current myths about how “unsafe” the world is for kids.

http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/about-2/

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[Anonymous]

hopey – My eight year old daughter flies from Phoenix to Seattle and back once a month by herself. She started flying by herself at age five, at the age the airlines deem it is appropriate and will allow the carriage of children traveling alone.

That said – I still would be completely uncomfortable with her walking around outside (even through our own neighborhood) by herself.

This is why, I think, it is a delicate situation. Every parent has their own comfort level and no one ever wants to feel like they are telling another parent what they should and shouldn’t do.

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[hopey]

And thus the MYOB response. :D

That’s fantastic about your daughter, btw. We are currently working with my stepson’s mom to see if he can do a 3-hour flight by himself this summer.

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[Anonymous]

PLEASE let me know if you need any help convincing!

I work for an airline and, as I said, my daughter has done it a lot!

Let me know if you want my contact info.

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[hopey]

NR, this will give me incentive to actually show up at the BPP happy hour next Saturday. We’ll talk. :)

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[JimmyG]

Mixed feelings on this since I believe we should always be on the lookout for others (esp. kids).

And good on changingtimes sis for talking to the weirdo in the car, I would and have done the same thing. The best way to make someone who is up to no good feel uncomfortable is to let them know people are watching them. This goes for the burglar casing your ‘hood to the odd duck watching kids at a park.

Yet I also don’t want to be somebody who tells someone how to parent their own kid. If the child RainyDay talked to seemed okay with going to play outside of mom’s view I say let her be.

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[beachdrivegirl]

I have mixed feelings about this as well. I do not think it is apporpriate for a child that young to be wandering alone like that so far from her mom. However, I typically follow hopeys advice and MYOB because although it makes me uncomfortable I am not the parent and it is up to each parent to make their own decisions on what is okay and what is not okay. And JimmyG you are right on about making eye contact, saying hi, and making sure the person who is casing whatever/whomever knows that you have acknowledged them.

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[TammiWS]

I ran into Target last Saturday with my 5 year old niece and she had to use the little girls room. We got in line and in front of us was grandma and granddaughter who was probably 5-6 yo. Grandma left the granddaughter in the cart and went into the bathroom and was in there for 15 minutes! I was shocked. So, my niece and I stayed with her, while probably 10 people used the restroom, in and out, and waited until Grandma came out. I did say something to Grandma about leaving the child unattended in a store. I would have felt terrible leaving the child knowing all it takes is a split second for something to happen. I say if you ever have even a second of hesitation your gut is telling you something and you need to listen – regardless if someone gets offended – because you care…..Just my opinion.

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[Jerald]

My instinct in that kind of situation is to just stay and watch, if possible. Sometimes I’ve turned my car around to follow an apparently-unattended child — and then wondered how suspicious I must look. But I feel better just seeing them safely home or back to their parents. I don’t usually say anything, though, unless it was outrageously negligent.

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[Ken]

To start with, each parent makes their own decisions. Each child is different too.

I live across the street from Highpoint. Some of the kids are far more mature and wise than the sheltered step grandson who also was so scatterbrained that we did not let him cross the street by himself until he was eight.

One of the 6 year olds you probably would be concerned about just had me remove the training wheels off her bike and rides around the neighborhood by herself just fine. Some of the older kids are such idiots that I expect them to be run over every day. I fix their bikes and loan out tools regularly.

Assuming no one is watching them would also be a mistake. Many of us know which kids live where and which parents/grandparents/caregivers they are attached to. We are not hovering but this is not a place where no one knows their neighbors.

I am not going to give anyone advice since each of us do what we think is necessary, but I hope we all can tell the point at which normal parental concern slips into paranoia.

Remember, just because it is 70% of tv news does not mean it is 70% of real life or even 1% likely to happen to you.

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[Trick]

It is a tricky situation these days being watchfull and holding back because of the “impression” you might be giving off.

A couple years ago I went to the Folklife festival was strolling around mindlessly when I saw a child around 5-6 yrs old just bawling because he lost sight of his mom. I watched him from a distance and kept watching people just sit there and do nothing. After about 5 mins or so, I walked up to him and asked if he was looking for his mom or dad. The kid just stared up at me and asked for his mother. I looked around, tried to make eye contact with people around us and felt extremely uneasy about escorting the child to an information booth.

Just then a woman came up to me and said “Stay away from my son!!!”

I was stunned, tried to explain I was concerned seeing him helpless among the crowd and I was only trying to help, when she cut me off and said if I didn’t go away she’d find the police. I just walked away, embarrassed at the thought of just “doing the right thing” and was horrified the tables could’ve turned on “ME” in such a way that I could’ve been called into question.

Being reluctant to help by today’s scrutiny definitely plays a part in my decision to even approach a child unless I’m with someone else. Sad to say.

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[Gina]

NR and Hopey–I was reading your posts and thinking that those were some talented kids! Flying commercial airplanes under age 7. Then I realized they were passengers, not pilots.

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[Anonymous]

Gina – LOL!!!!

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[Crowe]

Nearly being abducted as a young girl (thank goodness for good instinct) Being a mother and being in the position of having a very young child “lost” at the Zoo, OBLIVIOUS parents on cell phones who had no idea that their child was missing for at least 15 minutes.

And another time at a city prk where the little girl was across the park from her parents. We actually kept an eye on her and ended up finding the mohter and asked if she was missing a little girl.

Any way, there is nothing wrong with making sure children are safe. If my little one went missing or out of my sight, I would be more than thankful that someone was there!

Same when we found these kids wandering far away from their parents. I would feel awful just leaving and saying, well it’s not my business. Really, these are children. And I don’t care what someone thinks. I’m gunna make sure that kid is ok and safe.

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[Bonnie]

I would never allow my children to be unattended at that age. I’d make sure the child was okay before leaving her.

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[Heinz57Mom]

It takes a village and that’s not factoring in absentee parenting. We do NOT live in Mayberry people. Does anyone look at the Family Watchdog website? We have hundred’s of predators in our area.

I believe that many of the parents today are just too comfortable for their children’s best interest. I’d rather have a parent be pi$$ed off with me for butting into their business. Than have a reporter stick a microphone in my face because I witnessed a child being abducted while the parent had their head up their backside.

In this particular scenario I’d have whipped out the cellphone and called 911 to report an abandoned child.

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[DSV90]

That reminds me, my mom and I were looking out the front window a couple years ago and saw the neighbor’s 3yo girl run out the front door laughing and playing as usual. Usually, her mother comes right out to play this little chase game. Well, this time the mom didn’t come out right away. My neighbor finally came out and was acting like she didn’t know her daughter was outside. She soon realized her little one wasn’t in the house and called to her and she didn’t appear. Well, she started to panic and I ran out and told her where I had seen her run to. Luckily, a very nice elderly lady lived next door and I imagine the little girl was hiding in her back yard as they both emerged seconds later.

I’m not passing judgement … things like this can happen very easily. Kids are clever and you must never underestimate them. Just thought I’d share my story.

I don’t like leaving my daughter unattended in a public area either. I feel uncomfortable if I see an unattended child but, I would rather stand back and keep an eye on the child than interfere. Usually the parent/guardian appears shortly.

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[Irukandji]

I’ve had to call 911 to help locate parents of a missing child left behind at Hiawatha pool by her babysitter. The girl, 8 but looking about 6, couldn’t spell her mom’s last name, dad absent from home and unreachable, didn’t know sitter’s number. She didn’t know her address and told me she walked to the pool, a walk that took about an hour.

Girl had been alone at the park for 1/2 hour before coming to talk to me (luck me with a 20-month-old at the time). We went around the pool, to the playground, into the community center, checking to see if anyone was looking for her. We waited and watched for the sitter. Finally, I left all my contact info with the community center and packed up the stroller for what may have been a very long walk.

I called 911 to report that I had this kid hoping someone had been concerned enough to alert police. 911 wouldn’t even take my cell number to call me back if a parent or sitter called in a missing kid report.

I finally got this girl to her house. The babysitter was watching four kids (only one of them missing!)was chatting away on her cell phone, and simply said to the girl “I told you to hurry up.”

Turns out mom’s Cambodian, employing some teen gum-chomper wholly unskilled in childcare. Unfortunate scene all around. I haven’t seen the teen or kids since then, perhaps afraid to come back to Hiawatha knowing people have her on the radar.

We’re all watching out for the kids, and may sometimes step on a parent’s toes checking in to see if everything is okay. Forgive us, for there really are some crappy parents out there, or just a bad day where things get out of control, unforeseen situation, what have you.

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[Anonymous]

As a parent, I love that there are people looking out for ALL kids and I would like to thank you, graciously, that you choose to take that stance.

If (God forbid) something ever happened with my daughter, you would not be stepping on my toes trying to help out!

Thank you!

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