one of those amusing emails about dogs and cats

[WSMom]

My sister forwarded this to me and it made me laugh. Thought I’d share…

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It i s not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years – canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don’t.

(2) If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.. That’s why they call it ‘fur’-niture.

(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don’t speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

(1) eat less,

(2) don’t ask for money all the time,

(3) are easier to train,

(4) normally come when called,

(5) never ask to drive the car,

(6) don’t hang out with drug-using people;

(7) don’t smoke or drink,

(8) don’t want to wear your clothes,

(9) don’t have to buy the latest fashions,

(10) don’t need a gazillion dollars for college and

(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children …

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[Christine]

Absolutely hilarious. You made me laugh out loud…of course I live with 3 cats and 2 dogs, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. ;)

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[EmmyJane]

That is hilarious! My fiance recently moved in and the dog is not happy about getting kicked out of the bed. When “limp body/play dead” no longer worked (he pulls her by her legs) she tried faking asleep. I’m not kidding, my dog will lay there and pretend to be asleep as you’re poking her.

Its so brilliant she usually gets to stay in the bed.

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[JoB]

aren’t they amazing:)))))

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[Cait]

Must they always be in the bathroom?!?!? My god. The cat will not let up on the damn door if I’m in there. One day I’m going to just let him in while the boyfriend is in there… and he’ll never want to know what’s up in there again… lol!

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[andrea]

i love it…thanks for sharing WSMom! i’m posting this somewhere so my family may finall understand my doggie love :)

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[RainyDay1235]

My cat and dog merely tolerate each other, don’t even like “touch”…but god forbid I go to the bathroom alone, every time I open the door there they sit, side-by-side…staring at me as if I “forgot” to let them both in!

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[The Velvet Bulldog]

My cat “Buddy” and I lost our 2 year-old fuzzball feline friend “Nico” a couple of weeks ago. Since then, Buddy has been following me around like a dog – I assume he’s lonely and missing his pallie. However, he’s half Siamese, and when he gets left on the wrong side of the door – OMG, it’s like Satan’s siren. I’m literally afraid the neighbors are going to call the Humane Society. Especially when he can’t come inside because the BF is allergic. Things get LOUD.

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