Dark Grey Dodge Magnum or Chevy Cruise Wagon A33 ****

[Ms. Sparkles]

Beware of this vehicle; its occupants are either stupid, stoned or both.

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Parked illegally (facing north on west side of street) at the NW corner of 41st Ave SW & SW Manning its driver decided to back around the corner (from 41st Ave SW to E facing on SW Manning) just as my children and I were crossing SW Manning at 8:40 this morning.

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I watched in disbelief as this vehicle backed closer & closer to hitting us and had to stop one of my children from walking any further while pulling the other out of the path of this car – it never braked, completely clueless as it was less than 4 inches from me and would’ve hit my youngest had I not just pulled her back.

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Then I was furious. People as self absorbed, clueless, stupid, stoned or whatever their problem is / was haven’t earned the privilege of driving. And I yelled “What the Hell?!?”

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To which the passenger with the curly brown unwashed looking hair and glazed look in her eyes had the ignorance and/ or brain damage fueled audacity to roll down the overly tinted windows and say “Hey man what’s your problem?”

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My problem? MY PROBLEM?!?! In general it’s people like you, too dumb, too self absorbed, too selfish to see the impact they have on everything around them. Specifically its THAT YOU ALMOST RAN OVER MY KIDS YOU EFFING PIECE OF SHITE!!!

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Yes I did threaten to pull them out of their car and beat them to death – and in that moment I had enough anger and adrenaline to actually do it, so kudos to me for self control! (although I’m still not certain that taking them out of society wouldn’t have been a public service).

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But the icing on the crap-cake that is people like them existing is when the driver then said something about setting an example – I assume he was trying to call me out for the prolific amount of swearing and threats I was engaging in in front of my kids…..but guess what? I WANT them to call idiots out on being dangerous idiots…and I don’t care what word they use to do so.

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You were wrong. The only appropriate reaction on your part was mortified horror and abject apologies.

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[clulessinws]

Ms Sparkles, glad you tried but yeah sadly these people exist and there are a lot of them in WS :) They ride bicycles too, they are not just in cars.

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[Duskyviolet]

I applaud you Ms. Sparkles for standing up to the cluelessness and selfishness of these people. They need a wake up call.

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[HelperMonkey]

How about the lady I was behind yesterday, fully engrossed in her iPhone while driving a white SUV, plate # starting with 475-W__ driving east down Graham St about 5pm yesterday. White SUV, roof rack, dumb B behind the wheel. If anyone recognizes this description, tell your incredibly stupid, self-centered, idiotic friend to put her phone down and drive.

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[JanS]

HM…one of my biggest pet peeves…this is NO phone call that important….and if it is? pull over, dammit !

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[Concerned4Neighbors]

Dear Ms Sparkles,

First let me say that I am sorry you had to experience this! I can only imagine how scary this incident was particularly given the danger your children were placed in. Your description of the event clearly identifies that the driver of this vehicle is guilty of reckless endangerment and I hope that it was reported to authorities. And if the driver was indeed stoned, I sincerely hope that they either have their license revoked, or are prevented from driving under the influence by some other means; before they do harm someone.

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Secondly, I hope that you will re-read your posting and consider your own reaction to this incident with your children’s wellbeing in mind. While I empathize with your experience, I find myself equally concerned about your reaction and it’s potential impact.

You wrote “it’s people like you, too dumb, too self absorbed, too selfish to see the impact they have on everything around them”, continuing with “Yes I did threaten to pull them out of their car and beat them to death – and in that moment I had enough anger and adrenaline to actually do it, so kudos to me for self control! (although I’m still not certain that taking them out of society wouldn’t have been a public service).” Finely you conclude: “I WANT [my children] to call idiots out on being dangerous idiots…and I don’t care what word they use to do so.”

I invite you to consider the impact you are having on those around you. Per your own admission, the driver wasn’t intently or willfully trying to harm/ scare you; they were “completely clueless.” And yet you contend that “beating them to death” would be a justifiable reaction; and you state you want your children to mimic your actions/ behavior.

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Unfortunately, we are currently living in a world/ nation where self-centeredness seems to be the status quo. Therefore, most of us see the world through our limited perspective, and thus, I expect that almost all of us perceive the world to be filled with “idiots” at times [myself included]. The problem with this viewpoint is that what constitutes “idiotic behavior” is subjective and often we are only considering our own point of view. The only way **I** know of to break this pattern is through communicating with each other combined with self-reflection. Only when we begin to understand our interconnection, and the fact that our actions impact others can we begin to consider and change the way we interact with each-other.

Similarly, we are living in a country where there has been an epidemic of disillusioned/ disenfranchised (often young) people who are expressing these feeling through mass killings. In fact, a quick search pulled up a USA Today article titled “Behind the Bloodshed: the untold story of America’s mass killings” which states that a low estimate of mass killing (defined as killing 4 or more people) occurs every 2 weeks in our country. Public massacres account for about 1/6 of mass murders (eg Aurora CO, Newtown CT, or Charleston NC); whereas, the majority involve “breakups, estrangements, and family arguments”, with victims knowing the perpetrator (although others are often caught in the crossfire).

As humans we all experience anger, and one of the signs of emotional maturity is our ability to effectively deal with these feeling. As a parent or member of society I believe it is important that we help our youth (and others) understand how to manage our feeling of anger, rather than acting out against others with violence. And yes, shouting and threats are an expression of violence; and studies demonstrate that incidents of violence will most likely escalate without intervention.

If anyone reading this finds themselves struggling with anger management, or finds themselves responding violently when they are upset; the good news is you are not alone and there are proven techniques you can learn to help you manage these feeling. There is support and help for you; and if you learn to manage your anger you will discover that your quality of life will dramatically improve as well as the greater impact you have on the rest of the world. I encourage you to seek assistance and guarantee that if you do to learn this skill, your life will be infinitely better.

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Ms Sparkles – please consider that while you are encouraging your children to “call idiots out” they might engage someone who responds in kind with their own violence resulting in physical harm or the death of your child. Or an equally tragic outcome might be that your children don’t learn anger management skills, and thus, become perpetrators of violence themselves.

I urge you to consider whether your own reaction was “appropriate” and how you truly want your children to engage with others given the possibility they are more like to become victims and/ or perpetrators of violence if they are encouraged to react violently.

You question whether killing the vehicle’s occupants wouldn’t be a benefit to society. When I consider this, I imagine the tragic outcome would be for you to be incarcerated leaving your children without you to raise them. And for our community, the story of a parent committing murder over a traffic incident would likely incite more fear and the potential for increased reactionary violence.

I am relieved Ms Sparkles that you and your children are safe. And I wish you and your family all the best!

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Finely, I hope that WE ALL as a community can change our patterns of violence, and learn how to keep each other safe through self-awareness and compassionate inquiry. Only WE can change the world for the better, and I challenge each of you to participate in making the world better for ourselves and our youth.

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[Ms. Sparkles]

Concerned4Neighbor,

Wow your post was really …. something.

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Of course I wasn’t truly going to beat them to death, so my children were in no danger to losing me to incarceration. Your fear about encouraging my children to call idiots out ending up in a violent confrontation is EXACTLY the fearful, handwringing attitude I want to counteract. Yes it is possible that speaking up can be the catalyst for a violent reaction / interaction, but you can also be a victim of violence while being passive. Because I think the world would be a better place if the people in it were less clueless and self absorbed I choose to confront people when they act this way, it’s a pattern of behavior that I hope my kids have the confidence to adopt. I truly believe if more people spoke up, less bad would happen in the world.

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You bring up mass killing (way to thread-jack, BTW) and equate them to anger issues (all humans experience anger? Wow what an epiphany!); I can’t follow your logic. The leap from the potential harm you see in my kids witnessing me lose my sh*t when these idiots almost ran us over to mass killing is so preposterous I don’t know where to begin to address it.

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Finally – in considering whether my reaction was appropriate as you so “urge” -Yes, yes it was. There is no room for “compassionate inquiry” when you’re stoned behind the wheel. Thank you for your two bits of hippy-dippy pop psychology, and ironically funny lack of a sense of humor and perspective.

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[Ms. Sparkles]

Hey concerned, I just noticed that your profile is only 4 hours old; it was you in the car wasn’t it? Why keep deflecting the issue, trying to make it about my reaction – why not just own that you were totally in the wrong? That you’re lucky I was paying attention?

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You would’ve knocked down a 10 year old after backing over a 7 year old…. yet instead of thanking me and apologizing profusely, you and your passenger were defensive, then critical. I’m not the one with “issues” in this scenario.

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[JanS]

ok…rule @1 on these forums…talk about the topic at hand, but don’t make it personal. Concerned4neighbor…welcome to the forum. Please familiarize yourself with the rules :) Have a great rest nof the week.

Ms. Sparkles…you have no idea who concerned is…please don’t make assumptions…it does not add to the conversation…

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[Concerned4Neighbors]

Dear Ms Sparkles,

I am glad to hear that you were using hyperbole in your original post and I am glad that you encourage your children to speak up. In fact, this is exactly what I was/ am doing as I share your belief that when we see things that concern us we should vocalize it. I also believe how we do so makes a difference.

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I do not know you, I can not see your face or hear your tone of voice; all I have are your words to judge you by and they stated “Yes I did threaten to pull them out of their car and beat them to death – and in that moment I had enough anger and adrenaline to actually do it, so kudos to me for self control!” And so I am speaking up because *I* believe the world will be a better place when we start to address violence in all it’s forms, and collectively agree we won’t allow it to be a legitimate way of interacting.

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I can understand that you feel I made an illogical leap by bringing up mass killing so I hope a little context might help you see my/ another person’s perspective. It is absolutely true you only mentioned two occupants of the vehicle, so your comment about killing them wouldn’t constitute “mass killings”; however, the main reason I decided to reply to your post is that I (just as many others are) am still reeling from our latest national tragedy in SC.

Initially, I was going to chalk your posting up to fear and perhaps trauma(?). However, given the tragedy in SC, I thought better of it. We have enough information to know that the perpetrator in Charleston vocalized his intentions and that his friends were concerned enough to hide his gun from him. However, they lacked a social system for support and so the gun was returned and they choose to believe the perpetrator’s threats were drunk ramblings. Similarly, in our most televised mass murders, we now know there were also warning signs and vocalizations of violent intent.

And so the question we face as a nation is: when do we intervene? My *personal* belief is that as long as we are complacent when people discuss or threaten to kill others, we are unlikely resolve this issue because how do we know what is a real vs false threat if the words and actions are consistent? I believe those who are not going to participate in violent acts have a responsibility to not adopt the language and threats of those who are. But this is just MY belief, and everyone has a right to their own opinion.

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From a *very personal* position, having been a victim of domestic violence I have been fortunate to learn about the underlying logic and thought patterns that result in abusive behavior during my own recovery. I have learned about anger and warning signs. And I have learned about common patterns and the prevalence of domestic violence in our country. From this learning I have come to believe the research that abusers aren’t “bad” or “evil” nor are they any different from the non-abusive population; what they lack is a degree of emotional maturity/ empathy for others and anger management skills.

And the painful truth is that the language in OP set off my warning bells. ****I AM NOT MAKING AN ACCUSATION, I DO NOT KNOW THE OP NOR DO I HAVE ANY BASIS FOR EVALUATING OR JUDGING THEM*** I am simply expressing my initial emotional reaction to what I read. And so I spoke up, not only to the OP, but rather to the entire WSB community with the intention of hopefully raising awareness about the issue of using violence and threats. I am writing because I hope for a better world and believe that this requires discussion and honest discourse about the existing acceptance of violence in our country, even when we are rightfully angered or threatened. I also acknowledge that this is much easier said than practiced.

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And no Ms Sparkles, I was not in the car nor do I know anyone associated with this incident and I am very sorry you & your children had to experience this near tragedy. As I already stated, I hope that the driver’s reckless endangerment is addressed/ prosecuted because I, someone I love, or any innocent bystander could end up injured/killed if not. I in NO way intend my perspective to support reckless driving and personally believe our country’s attitude about driving being an entitlement/ right versus an earned privilege has long endangered our community.

The reason this profile is new isn’t because I am new to the forum, nor is it because I was involved in the incident; it is because the language of the original post and the threats concerned me enough to not want the OP to potentially have personally identifying information for concern of retaliation. And I feel relieved given the immediate presumption I was the driver/ passenger involved; as I shutter to think how the OP would react if they (erroneous) held this belief and came to my home.

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Finely, my intention wasn’t to make this posting a personal attack; and I did my best to not be personal while also addressing my concerns related directly to the words of the OP. However, I have nothing but the utmost respect for Tracy & Patrick’s journalistic and moral integrity and if I have violated their policies I genuinely apologize to them and Ms Sparkles; and I invite them to remove my postings. I do not want to shame, blame, attack or otherwise act disrespectfully towards my neighbors (including the OP); I simply hope to bring up the issue that our words and actions matter particularly when it comes to violence.

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PS I like to think I have a great sense of humor and I laugh all the time; although I am also cognizant that humor can be used to minimize & deflect negative attitudes, and therefore, I do not find certain topics particularly funny including killing others.

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[Ms. Sparkles]

Gotta love this forum – taking “taking yourself too seriously” to a whole ‘nother level. **smh***

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[JoB]

Concerned4Neighbors

swearing and raised voices can be an indication of anger management problems

but they can also be indicate a healthy release of anger

i think it takes more than a personal assessment of “tone” in an individual incident to judge whether observed behavior is indicative of anger management issues..

in this as in all things.. context matters

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[JTB]

Threatening someone is a bad thing to do. That’s different than warning or cautioning.

Threatening someone when you are upset is a bad model for children to see. In that sense, I do think it raises a number of issues about anger management, not the least is what children might pick up by exposure.

Seeing a parent calmly, firmly confront an individual behaving in a careless, dangerous way is a great model on multiple levels.

While I have no idea of who Concerned is, I admire anyone who says “Only when we begin to understand our interconnection, and the fact that our actions impact others can we begin to consider and change the way we interact with each-other.” Anyone who thinks that’s lofty or doesn’t apply to “real life” situations is mistaken.

Finally, I would have easily reacted just like Ms. Sparkles in the same circumstances. And I would have regretted after the fact that I didn’t handle things more like Concerned advocates.

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[Concerned4Neighbors]

JoB – agreed.

And again I have no idea about the “tone” nor do I have any *first hand* information about the incident. All I know is what the OP wrote & that they felt adamantly enough about it to post their feelings publicly including the statement that concerned me: “Yes I did threaten to pull them out of their car and beat them to death – and in that moment I had enough anger and adrenaline to actually do it, so kudos to me for self control!”

I did not state that the OP has an anger management problem, I said “As a parent or member of society I believe it is important that ***we*** help our youth (and others) understand how to manage our feeling of anger, rather than acting out against others with violence. And yes, shouting and threats are an expression of violence” [emphasis on “we” added]. And I encouraged ANYONE reading this who feels they struggle with their anger to explore anger management techniques. This is only my opinion which anyone can accept or reject, including the OP (Although the last sentence about shouting and threatening to kill someone being an expression of violence are consistent with current psychology; and I’m fairly confident very few psychologists today would say threatening to beat someone to death is a “healthy” expression of anger).

I do not know Ms Sparkles so obviously I am in no way qualified to make any assessment of her [presuming “Ms” identifies the OP’s gender], nor frankly would I want to. My sole intention was to express my concern that someone publicly exclaimed they were angry enough to kill others, that they congratulated themselves on having restraint for not doing so while also saying they believed it would be a public benefit, and that they encouraged others to behave similarity.

But as stated earlier, I am familiar with the WSB and I realize I have stepped on the toes of some of the most prolific posters and self appointed moderators of this forum. Since I am not a member of this group I also recognize this is a battle I have no desire to be in; so I will happily say ado to go out and enjoy my evening and return to being a passive reader as so many before me have. Enjoy your day there’s a wonderful world out there! :)

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[JanS]

a suggestion…has nothing to do with the OP…but being concise allows us to read posts better…..I don’t know if anyone else does this, but I tend to skip over what you’re posting, concerned…it tends to repeat itself…sorry if I’m being rude…not trying to be…but your point might get over better if they were just a tad shorter…

we all know TR and Patrick..some of us personally…welcome to the club :D

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[JanS]

oh, and for the record…there is no “group” here, no matter what others may have told you, or what you think…all are welcome…we love a good conversation, even if sometime we disagree with each other. Come back and share thoughts again, Concerned…

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[JoB]

Concerned-4neighbors

You know what. I am tired and cranky tonight

and i am quite frankly tired of people who think that putting other people down is a valid argument.

i am not going to bother replying to your tone … your words will do just fine…

“But as stated earlier, I am familiar with the WSB and I realize I have stepped on the toes of some of the most prolific posters and self appointed moderators of this forum.”

I assume that was aimed at me since i made a comment that did not praise you for coming down like a ton of bricks and shaming a mom who said something she probably shouldn’t have after some self absorbed idiot didn’t follow the first rule of safety while driving and nearly backed over her kids.

while i certainly agree with you that violent threatening language has definitely become too commonplace in our society..

i hardly think that a mom’s verbal outburst after pulling her children out of the way of a car merits the passive agressive public shaming you served up while assuring her that you were glad she and her kids were ok.

Did you really think that tirade would make her or anyone else reading it a better mom?

You drop in.. drop a shame bomb and use a personal relationship to TR and Patrick to justify yourself and then call anyone who thinks you might have taken your self righteous tone just a bit too far “prolific posters and self appointed moderators of this forum”?

…as though you have some kind of moral superiority because you only drop into criticize those who participate in the forum?

Give me and everyone else a break.

That is no way to defend an intellectual position…

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[JanS]

and now curious as to who this really is…perhaps posting under a different name? Whatever !

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[JoB]

i don’t care who it is.

they have a right to their opinion

but so do we

although i really do try to express it most of the time in a far less verbally cutting manner.

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[anonyme]

JoB, once again we totally agree. What the heck is going on with that?

Ms. Sparkles, I would’ve done exactly what you did. The part about threatening murder in front of the kids probably wasn’t the best move ever, in retrospect. But if we could all act with perfect foresight every minute, under any circumstances, this would be a different world, wouldn’t it? I also see it as an opportunity to talk to the kids about what happened. I’m sure they probably saw the intent behind the ‘threat’, rather than the words – which was a mother defending her children, who was frightened and angry that something might happen to her babes.

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[Talaki34]

Mrs Sparkles – Loved the post, but reactive responses should always be revisited. The entry suggesting participation in the event does warrant a sincere apology.

Concerned4Neighbors – You are entitled to your opinions and have every right to express them. While I don’t agree with the whole Huggy-Touchy-Feely lifestyle that sadly (I believe) is producing more kids that have anger issues, I certainly do believe that everyone has the right to speak-up. In this instance, I would humbly suggest that you try looking at the lighter side of the post. Calvin of the Calvin and Hobbs comic strip is a good example of the lighter side. Nobody could decapitate snowmen like Calvin. Seriousness has its place, but so does humor.

“Since I am not a member of this group I also recognize this is a battle I have no desire to be in; so I will happily say ado to go out and enjoy my evening and return to being a passive reader as so many before me have. Enjoy your day there’s a wonderful world out there! :)”

Being a passive reader may be the easiest way, but is it the right way? I don’t think so. In this politically correct world where the exchange of opinions and ideas is being steadily squashed; where those that talk louder or write faster control the conversation, your ideas do matter. I may not agree with them, but I do want you to express them.

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To everyone,

Mrs Sparkles original writing was a mix of vent, humor and posted in the forum thus making it open to interpretation and comment. While I found the original post made by Concerned4Neighbors far too serious, it was civil.

“Stepping on Toes” and the “Who this really is.”

Stepping on toes: If you accept as true, there is an inner circle and choose to leave the forum or refrain from commenting, that decision rests solely on your shoulders. If you think there are individuals in the forum that are trying to control the conversation, the best way to combat them is to continue to have an opinion. Be engaged and put your voice out into the discussion. The only person who can silence you is you.

Who this really is: It does not matter who this is. To ask the question diminishes the thoughts of the writer. It infers that only someone who has been identified by whomever as a disreputable individual would have these ideas and bring them to the conversation. Although I don’t think it was meant as such, it is a dismissive tactic that can be used to discredit without really having to say anything overtly negative. Let’s remove this from the conversation.

I am going to work now and later will try and get rid of the powdery mildew and black something that is attacking my Nootka Rose and Mahonia.

I hope that everyone has a wonderful day!

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[pattilea]

Mrs. Sparkles Big Hugs to you!!! I am sorry this happened to you. I too am a Mother Bear when it comes to my even grown children!!!

I also have experienced this car parking on the wrong side of the street and pulling out almost hitting me head on!!

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