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April 16, 2009 at 7:15 pm #590528
LoweryMemberDear WS female population (guys too, I guess),
Just want to get some advice on how to talk to an attractive female (very pretty eyes…the 1st thing that attracts me) that I see often on my bus ride to and from work (the 56X). I don’t want to come off as creepy or a stalker so getting off at her stop and/or changing seats to sit by her are not wise in my mind (in the morning I get on the bus after her but since it’s crowded I don’t always have the option to sit by her & in the evening, I’m already on the bus when she gets on). Plus she, like 99% of the other riders, seems to be in her own world so I haven’t been able to catch her eye. She comes on, looks straight at the seat she’s going to take, then dives right into her book or cell phone games.
Is there anyway to do this with someone you only see for that limited amount of time and in that situation (when there’s other passengers around that can laugh at you when you come off sounding like an bumbling idiot)? Or is it best to just leave it alone, admire her from afar and keep humming that song “Just My Imagination” in my head? I know there’s a chance she’s already with someone, even though she doesn’t wear a ring, but I won’t even know that unless I find an “in”.
I usually don’t try to approach women but for some reason I kinda want to know her.
April 16, 2009 at 7:33 pm #664556
JiggersMemberGirls like to pretend that they are busy on their cell phones so they won’t get bothered. It’s a insecurity tool for them to act as if they are busy doing something. If she hasn’t given you direct eye contact with a smile on the bus yet, she isn’t interested in you. She probably already knows that you are there anyways. My advice is that don’t chase something that you’ll never get. You’ll have less stress the sooner you get over the infatuation. I’d change my bus time to the next later one to get her off my mind. But what do I know. If you want to go for it, you’ll have to make that move on the bUs in front of everyone who’s riding. If you don’t, you’ll never know if she was interested in you in the first place. You’ll feel better regardless even if you’ve been rejected because you’ll know.
April 16, 2009 at 7:44 pm #664557
JanSParticipanthmmm…now that’s a quandry. Advice that I’ve given females in the past is..get some “business cards” made up ( http://www.vistaprint.com ). They can be generic, name phone # , e-mail. It’s a quiet way of introducing yourself so you don’t fall all over your words, and everyone else on the bus listens in. Maybe just hand it to her, say you think she may have dropped it, or just write “nice eyes” on the back. Yeah, I know, not ideal – but you never know…live a little bold – life’s an adventure.
April 16, 2009 at 7:46 pm #664558
JanSParticipantdamn…now that I’ve said that, I just realized that my daughter rides the 56X to and from work – lol….what color is this chick’s hair?
April 16, 2009 at 7:46 pm #664559
TammiWSMemberOr you could think positively….she may actually be busy and not even have noticed you yet AND be single. I barely pay attention to anyone on the bus in the morning.
See if you can find a way to stand on the bus where she’s sitting since it so crowded and strike up a conversation. You’ll never know unless you try and then you’ll be able to tell if she’s interested or not.
Unexpected compliments from people are kinda of nice, actually…..
Who knows, she may even be a WSB member and see this!
Good luck!!
April 16, 2009 at 8:06 pm #664560
bsmommaParticipantAs a woman, a compliment is an amazing way to start the day. I say do it in the morning. Then she’ll have all day to ponder it. On the ride home, be reading a book, magazine or play a cell phone game. You might be surprised and get some sort of response! If she completely ignores you, then you’ll know. You only live once! This may be YOUR chance! If she blows you off, it’s DEFINITLY not the worst thing that could happen!
April 16, 2009 at 8:29 pm #664561
In2theknightMemberThe next time the bus pulls up to your stop and you see her on it, hold a stereo over your head with the song “In Your Eyes” playing. I think that’ll work.
April 16, 2009 at 9:11 pm #664562
bsmommaParticipantOr you could do that! That’s how my husband won my heart…… sorta….. minus the stereo over the head. But he did sing that to me the night we met and didn’t even know that’s one of my top fave songs (because of the sceen)! Love it! Anyways, hopeless romanticism is a dying art. =(
April 16, 2009 at 9:11 pm #664563
AlkiKmacParticipantYou’re overthinking this!
It’s easier to engage someone in conversation by asking them about something they’re interested in. Ignore Jigger’s negativity AND don’t think of it as hitting on her.
Stand by her when you can on the bus. Ask about her phone or the books she’s reading. Do you know what kind of cell phone she uses? You can say to her that you’re thinking of getting a phone like hers and would she recommend it. Or you can do a bit of research on the book she reading (or it’s author) and ask about that.
April 16, 2009 at 10:14 pm #664564
JiggersMemberWhat’s negative about my post? Mmmmm… do I have to sugarcoat what reality is? Oh yeah.. It’s called ‘hitting on a woman’ because that’s what real men do when they are interested in a female, they hit on them. What else would you call it? Coffee time?….lol
April 16, 2009 at 10:33 pm #664565
TraciMemberThere’s a chance she hasn’t seen you even though you’ve seen her. Sometimes I’m totally oblivious about things like that. Catch her eye and smile, after that she WILL remember you. Gauge her reaction (it might be obvious one way or the other) and proceed from there…Light conversation after a couple days of acknowlegment doesn’t make you creepy!
haha OR you could get one of those “I saw you” or whatever blurbs printed in the Stranger that’s like “YOU: Gorgeous eyes on the bus. ME: Not a creepy stalker that has a crush on you.” And circle it and give her the page. That’ll get the point across!
April 16, 2009 at 10:39 pm #664566
LoweryMemberPart of the problem is that I treat others the way I want to be treated, almost to a fault. So when I’m in my own little world listening to my headphones or reading or playing some phone game, I like being left alone. So if she’s like me, I don’t want to be the story she tells to her co-workers about the jacka$$ on the bus that bothered her while she was just minding her own business that morning.
And the problem with standing near her is that the bus is just crowded enough to not have a wide choice of seats to get one near her, but not crowded enough to stand. So If I just happened to stand near where she was sitting, it would be pretty obvious.
You are right, I am thinking about it way too much. Oh well, life carries on.
BTW, she has dark hair…and beautiful dark eyes.
April 16, 2009 at 10:40 pm #664567
herongrrrlParticipantMany, many years ago I was “that girl” on the bus for someone. Yes, I would get on the bus, put on my headphones and take out a book, specifically to send the message that I was not interested in making contact with anyone. Someone did pass me a note asking for my phone number once and you can bet it did not go well for him. And she may just be an introvert, too, which would make it hard to start up a conversation about something random like what kind of cell phone she’s using (voice of experience here).
So, if I were you, Lowery, here’s what I would try: the next time something happens on the bus that generates that kind of “all in this together” feeling among the riders (insanely bad traffic, new detour, somebody on the bus behaving badly, whatever–these things happen not infrequently), make some comment about it to your person of interest in a friendly way, and see how she responds. It might launch a conversation, or you might just get a nod and smile response if she’s not a big talker, but having had that initial interchange you can wish her a good day at the end of the bus ride and say hi the next day, etc., and see where it goes.
April 16, 2009 at 10:45 pm #664568
LoweryMemberTraci,
“ME: Not a creepy stalker that has a crush on you.”
That is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read on this site. I would have to get a really good buzz going that morning in order to give her that. But seeing that I don’t drink that much…
April 16, 2009 at 11:00 pm #664569
AimParticipantBefore I found my “bitter half” I was the girl on the bus absorbed in her own thoughts as well. Honestly, my cell phone or ipod aren’t used as a buffer (except from that one weirdo who smells bad and always wants to show you what he found in his pocket… or whatever…What! you know you’ve seen that guy, or his friend or his brother or sister!)
Anyway, I was oblivious because I tend to zone out entirely when on the bus. I used to be fairly attractive once upon a time, and I tended to attract a lot of the creepy type of pickups. HOWEVER, there is never anything wrong with simply saying “hey I’ve seen you every morning this week. My name is ___” put out your hand for a shake, give her a good firm (not too hard though) handshake, and then move on. Don’t linger. The next day wave and smile, and if she’s interested she’ll begin to let you know with smiles or chats. If nothing else you may make a friend.
Most women read the “creep factor” really well. There’s one weird guy who sits outside my work (a large office building) in the summer and says “hi, you look really nice today” to every woman who sits anywhere near him. It’s not what he says, it’s the WAY he says it. I cannot explain what it is, specifically, that gives me the creeps, but something does.
My point is, if you’re just a normal, nice guy and not being creepy or staring at her, she’ll at least be polite. Start by being friendly, but not pushy at all. It’ll happen naturally if it’s meant to.
And don’t forget that just like some guys, some girls are creepy weirdos too. Looks can be deceiving. Talking to her, if you can, will tell you a lot.
All that said, GOOD LUCK!!!
April 16, 2009 at 11:14 pm #664570
EmmyJaneParticipantSooooo precious! I think I like Aim’s idea of the “I’ve seen you…” Or you could give her a business card with “coffee?” written on the back. I know very few women who wouldn’t be flattered.
You could also try posting on Missed Connections on craigslist, but that’s a total long shot.
Another sneaky idea… on your way home, sit near where she normally sits on the bus with a big bag next to you on the seat so no one else sits there. Before her stop, move the bag so there’s an open seat. :-)
Please keep us updated on the girl!
April 17, 2009 at 12:05 am #664571
yogadancerMemberI think it’s better to find out and try giving her your calling card (name and phone number) then to keep wondering. Life is too short to live with regrets.
As a woman who has had numerous encounters, my all-time fav’s were:
1.” Excuse me, miss, but I couldn’t help noticing you. Could I invite you to stop at a spa for a pedicure while I talk to you?”
AND
2. “I had to give you my card after I watched you put lipstick on [in a restaurant].”
The calling card is safe and doesn’t force you to say a lot in front of everyone, nor does it demand that she do anything except say, “Thanks!”
April 17, 2009 at 12:17 am #664572
WesCAddleMemberlol….Jiggers, not much luck with the ladies I take it?
April 17, 2009 at 12:23 am #664573
miwsParticipantherongrrrl has a very good suggestion, and when I first read this thread a few hours ago, my first thought was that in a way, it’s too bad our “snow days” are likely over.
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In my many years of bus riding, and especially way back when I worked downtown and would ride the more crowded rush hour busses, I would pretty much keep to myself, unless something unusual happened, such as snow, a terrible traffic jam, bus breakdown, etc. I would then often enjoy the small talk with my fellow passengers.
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It’s been my observation over the years, that many, if not most people on the bus, at least during commute hours prefer to keep to themselves. One notable exception, was my last few years of working downtown, I usually caught a 54X out of downtown, that was scheduled to meet up with the Express Boat to Southworth. There were several people on that run that were obviously “friends” from the Boat as well, and made for many an entertianing ride. ;-) Some even worked in my same building.
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Mike
April 17, 2009 at 12:38 am #664574
CaitParticipantMy $.02 – most women have a very good radar for creep – Aim said it best. I can smell a creepster a mile away and will avoid them, or give them a tepid response. But when someone is just trying to be nice or get to know a person, they can sense it. Chances are if your motives are pure, she’ll be able to tell. If you mostly keep to yourself on the bus the way she does and you take the opportunity to reach out and say hi, she’ll probably notice that you aren’t the type to hit on everyone on the bus or that type of thing.
And also – if she’s not the type to carry on an innocent conversation with a person of the opposite gender on a bus, she might not end up being too much fun anyway. Not that it’s true in all cases, but it might serve as a good barometer. But… the key here… is that you have to take the first step. The Stranger idea – classic. I knew someone once who did something similar and she got a kick out of it. No date, but it put a smile on her face. Slip her a note or something… “I believe you dropped this” kinda deal.
Best of luck… I had a situation like this once. I really liked a guy on my bus at school so I just sought out a mutual friend to introduce us and we ended up together for over a year… Bus stories DO have happy endings!!!
April 17, 2009 at 2:17 am #664575
IrukandjiParticipant“I’ve been having dreams: you and me, a Smartcar, carpooling…”
April 17, 2009 at 2:28 am #664576
WS4funMemberI like the idea of putting a package or bag in the seat next to you until she gets on and then hope she sits next to you when you remove it.
Just a simple “hi” with a smile will spark her interest if she is interested and available. Keep in mind that many times very attractive women are not approached because men for some reason think they are already spoken for or out of their league. She may be dying for some attention!
April 17, 2009 at 3:00 am #664577
AlkiKmacParticipantPost 15, Aim is spot on.
In the past I was considered attractive and people were suprised I was single and available. Don’t assume she’s got a boyfriend. Heck, don’t assume anything. Just start a conversation with her. I really like the package on the seat idea. Also, I don’t know where you both get off the bus at the end of the day, but is there a possibility of getting off at the same stop as her? Don’t follow her, but if you got off the bus together you can always say “good night” as you go your seperate ways.
I don’t know about other women, but as for me, this is how I met and ended up with the my current boyfriend. (I know you’re reading this honey!) The day we met, he started the conversation with me. My creep meter did not go off, and in fact I thought, wow, this guy is really taking a chance. I respected that. It’s not easy to do that. During the same conversation he asked for my phone number and asked me out for something specific…AND…he called within 2 days to confirm. What I’m saying is he closed the sale. He didn’t ask for my number and say “I’ll call you sometime”. I said yes to the date because he closed the deal and no one had done that for SO LONG. Lowery, I’m not saying you should ask her out the first time you speak to this woman, but if you have a few conversations with her and decide to ask her out…close the deal. Have something specific in mind and don’t be wishy washy.
April 17, 2009 at 3:34 am #664578
cbgirlMemberThere are many great ideas on here-
I will give you this proverb-
“Faint hearts never won fair ladies”
Do something; she may be single or she may not be but you won’t know unless you take a risk.
Best wishes!!
April 17, 2009 at 5:59 pm #664579
LoweryMemberThe problem with getting off the same stop, changing seats (I always take the same seat in the evening since the bus is pretty empty when I get on), etc is that we’ve been riding the same bus for a few months now. So if I all of a sudden start changing it up…I’d rather something that wasn’t so obvious.
You know what would be great, is if all of you could get on the bus with me and be my wingman/wingwoman. It could double as a WSB meetup, too. Who’s bringing the Pictionary?
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