Home › Forums › Open Discussion › size matters?
- This topic is empty.
-
AuthorPosts
-
February 20, 2011 at 6:40 pm #598020
maudeParticipantI was out to dinner last night and overheard a conversation about engagement rings. A woman was going on about how she and her beloved picked out a ring but when he presented it to her it was a much smaller diamond. It was a joke, of course.
I have worked with other women who have said that the engagement ring better be big or it was an insult. Now, I’ve never been a ring person so this whole big ring thing is puzzling to me.
Can anyone offer an explanation why and expensive/big engagement ring is the only way to go? Why is it an insult to only afford a small one? If it isn’t as big as you want is it a deal breaker?
February 20, 2011 at 6:47 pm #718072
JanSParticipantwell, I never had an engagement ring…wonder if that’s why my marriage failed? lol…
honestly, sometimes a couple simply can’t afford a big ring, and who cares, anyway? My daughter’s engagement ring has a diamond in it from an old ring that belonged to my father. It’s 1/2 carat, isn’t huge, and it’s beautiful in it’s new setting. And I know her fiance loves her just as much now, if not more than, before they became engaged.
February 20, 2011 at 7:02 pm #718073
flowerpetalMemberI’m thinking if a diamond size can make or break a proposal of marriage this couple is doomed early on. You can’t get much more shallow than that. I’m sure there are equally shallow deal breakers that guys impose too.
February 20, 2011 at 7:09 pm #718074
JanSParticipantflowerpetal…I’m sure there are women who impose other ones, too…how big? NO WAY !!! lolol…
February 20, 2011 at 7:18 pm #718075
ZenguyParticipantReminds me of an old commercial of a guy and his girlfriend are looking at flat screen TV’s and he says “we should get the bigger one or we’ll just regret it later on.
The next shot is them picking out her engagement ring and I sure you can figure out her comment…
February 20, 2011 at 11:09 pm #718076
SueParticipantI’ve never understood it personally, but I’ve also seen the peer pressure behind ring size too. I remember a girlfriend who got engaged right out of high school. She was so proud of her ring and showed it off happily, but was made fun of for it because it was not much bigger than a diamond chip, and they told her her fiance was cheap. I thought it was awful how they treated her – it was a beautiful ring that symbolized their love. My engagement ring was a new setting that holds my mother’s engagement ring diamond. So my husband got off easy in terms of cost. :) But I would’ve gone with a tiny, inexpensive ring too, had he been paying.
To me, it’s a waste to spend so much $ on rings and weddings. My ring and wedding were very modest in price, and I’m married 13 years now. Yet I know people who spent 5x what we did and were divorced in a year. I’ll take my experience over theirs. :)
February 21, 2011 at 1:44 am #718077
tom kelleyParticipantEarnest money?
February 21, 2011 at 1:48 am #718078
JustSarahParticipantI used to work with a young woman who knew exactly the engagement ring she wanted, and would actually say that her boyfriend had better not even try to propose to her without that ring (or a bigger one) in hand. And yes, she informed said boyfriend of this expectation.
Scarily, it worked out for her, and he proposed. Ick.
I had hoped he would dump her, preferably in a public place, announcing her shallowness to all (she was a nasty person in other ways, too… she regularly made fun of customers with mental impairments/psychological illnesses/beat-up cars…)
February 21, 2011 at 5:27 am #718079
curiouslyinquisitiveMemberI was never big on diamonds. The DeBeers / Oppenheimer diamond hoarding company would have you believe that diamonds are rare when in fact they are more common then one would think. DeBeers has bought up most of the diamond mines around the world and forced the closure of some…. They control the majority of the diamond market. Being the top dog… DeBeers wanted to control the demand as well as the supply. In 1938 Harry Oppenheimer got N.W. Ayer, advertising agency, onboard… and there began a commercial campaign to win/brain wash the american people… into changing the
“social attitudes of the public at large and thereby channel American spending toward larger and more expensive diamonds instead of “competitive luxuries.” Specifically, the Ayer study stressed the need to strengthen the association in the public’s mind of diamonds with romance. Since “young men buy over 90% of all engagement rings” it would be crucial to inculcate in them the idea that diamonds were a gift of love: the larger and finer the diamond, the greater the expression of love. Similarly, young women had to be encouraged to view diamonds as an integral part of any romantic courtship.”
and sadly the DeBeers did and still do today and across the globe. here is one of many articles about this … but I liked this one best:
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/1982/02/have-you-ever-tried-to-sell-a-diamond/4575/
February 21, 2011 at 5:41 am #718080
curiouslyinquisitiveMemberI don’t care for diamonds… though I do like the ideal of rings… the circle… symbol of eternity… if I may TJ(thread jack) in my opinon… Jewelry is not necessary to make someone look better… but if it makes you feel better then hav at it (I don’t mean that in a bad way)… jewelry is like clothing from my perspective.
February 21, 2011 at 8:06 am #718081
charlabobParticipantWell, I got an engagement vintage convertible and I loved it — we finally sold it a couple of years ago because it wasn’t likely to stay vintage in our Seattle weather.
But Carnelius (’69 Red Chrysler Newport with black leather seats and red fuzzy dice) meant love — accepting who I was and what I wanted (instead of what the world wanted me to want.)
My first marriage included the obligatory diamond, impressive at the time but, honestly, I can’t remember it at all. :-)
February 21, 2011 at 5:13 pm #718082
JoBParticipantI wear mine because my husband bought it for me…
and i have to admit.. the memory of him on bended knee proffering this diamond still brings a tear to my eye…
but i would so much prefer not to have a ring at all.
although i will tell you…
there is a definite difference in the way shopkeepers treat me when i wear it :(
it’s my missus badge…
size and sparkle confer status..
the good news?
unlike a tattoo..
you can take it off
February 21, 2011 at 5:45 pm #718083
datamuseParticipantMy engagement bands have small sapphires that are flush with the bands (there are two, worn on either side of the wedding band, which also has sapphires on it). I didn’t want something that protrudes because it would catch on things. I’m hard on my personal possessions.
I’ve never cared for diamonds; I mean they’re pretty and all but I don’t feel the need to own them. I have a big problem with the diamond industry in general and if my husband were to give me a diamond, I’d prefer it if it were a manufactured one. I love that we have the technology to MAKE diamonds, I mean is that awesome or what?
Today he is spending the morning making super-spicy chili because I have a cold. Now THAT’s love. :)
February 21, 2011 at 6:06 pm #718084
JiggersMemberWomen won’t tell you because its the truth how much money you spend on her ring to show what her self worth is. I hate to say it, but guys are stupid on this matter.
February 21, 2011 at 9:12 pm #718085
JoBParticipantjiggers…
i beg to differ…
if he had wanted to show me how much i meant to him
he should have asked whether or not i wanted a ring
and whether or not i wanted a protruding diamond
and asked me to help pick out my own ring
after all.. i am the one who wears it every day
when a man chooses your ring..
it’s all about him
not about you.
February 21, 2011 at 9:18 pm #718086
datamuseParticipantYou know what, Jiggers? I have no idea how much my husband spent on my ring, and I don’t care.
You might not believe me, but that doesn’t really matter. I’m not married to you.
February 21, 2011 at 10:34 pm #718087
DPMember. . . and then there’s the little issue of why some guys would agree to buy a ring (of any size) and get married in the first place . . . when that’s not really the first thing on their minds.
Ladies: please don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about or that you have never personally known any guys like this.
And Guys: please don’t pretend like this thought has never crossed your minds, either.
We all do favors and get favors in return. All kinds.
Not passing judgment, here. Just stating facts.
Â
February 21, 2011 at 10:52 pm #718088
LindseyParticipantDatamuse: My thoughts exactly! I don’t know how much my guy spent. The sentiment behind it is the same, no matter the ring.
(Also, I discovered hyperboleandahalf because of your avatar and read the whole thing last weekend! I love it! So thanks.)
DP: Oh come on. People get married for all sorts of reasons.
February 21, 2011 at 11:29 pm #718089
datamuseParticipantActually, DP, it was his idea, and it took him several years to convince me.
I may, in fact, be the only woman on Earth who never fantasized about her wedding. But I doubt it.
(Lindsey: it’s fun, isn’t it? A friend of mine made a knitted Alot last fall, so cute.)
February 22, 2011 at 12:36 am #718090
JimmyGMemberFebruary 22, 2011 at 12:42 am #718091
ZenguyParticipantIt all comes down to insecurity.
The woman wants a big ring to show her friends and out do others and impress (does not work btw).
The man buys a big ring because he is afraid the woman will be mad, disappointed or will say no.
Listen to the women on here that said it did not matter, I would guess that is more the norm.
February 22, 2011 at 1:11 am #718092
JoBParticipantjimmyg
just for giggles…
why do you think so many men stretch their bank accounts to buy the most impressive car they can?
or stretch their bank accounts to buy their women the most impressive car they can?
or stretch their bank accounts to buy the most impressive house they can?
or clothing with designer labels?
size and sparkle…
when it comes to status..
it’s all size and sparkle.
I didn’t say that was a good thing…
just that it is what it is
February 22, 2011 at 3:05 am #718093
tanyar23ParticipantHuh…and here I thought this would’ve been a much more entertaining thread.
February 22, 2011 at 3:39 am #718094
RarelyEverParticipantmy husband got his ring from a street vendor on telegraph avenue in berkeley – for $6. i got mine off ebay. we’ve been happily married for 7 years. :)
February 22, 2011 at 4:48 am #718095
WSBKeymasterR/E, that’s romantic.
Can’t just lurk on this one. We have NO rings and we’ve been under one roof 25 years, married for 14 of them, many many more to go. In our old-married-couple wisdom (and if being in a 24/7 business together for 3+ years hasn’t broken us up, nothing ever will) the last line of post #13 gets more to the heart of the matter. And I do mean heart. Regardless of whether you have a rock or something out of a Cracker Jack prize packet.
-
AuthorPosts
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.