RANT!! …Mary Kay Latourneau and her “husband” at feedback lounge tonight.

[acemotel]

Oh, JoB, Your story makes me so sad. What a heavy burden you have had to bear, through no fault of your own. And sadly, there are too many children living similar lives, who will have to muster great courage to sort things out (if they can).

Taking advantage of the young, the innocent, the vulnerable—whether female OR male—IMO is unspeakably evil. A childhood lost cannot be recovered, and the repercussions continue through adulthood. IMO these deviants need to be isolated from society so they have NO chance to spread their poison.

Sometimes I wonder what the he$$ is happening to our culture. Going to see a MaryKay and Villi show and laughing about “forbidden love”? I don’t think so…… The only one laughing is Mary Kay; Villi didn’t stand a chance.

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[Traci]

Whoa. JoB, I’m sending some major ((((hugs)))) to you.

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[JenV]

McKenzie Philips, is that you?

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[JoB]

JenV..

was that intended as a criticism such as the one in this article?

“Michelle Phillips said earlier that “whether her relationship … is delusional or not,” the public disclosure is “an unfortunate circumstance and very hurtful for our entire family.”

http://www.kelowna.com/2009/09/24/mackenzie-phillips-incest-revelations-divide-family-mamamichelle-phillips-denies-sordid-sex-story/

aside from the fact that McKenzie was 19 when she says her father slept with her.. her family’s reaction mirrors that of many incest victims..

” “Michelle Phillips says that in 1997, Mackenzie told everyone in their extended family that she and her father, Michelle’s famous former husband, had had a sexual relationship.

“She told me, then she called me back and said, You know I’m joking,’ ” Michelle told me. “I said it wasn’t funny. Mackenzie said, I guess we have different senses of humor.’ “

Disbelief from family members.. followed by blaming the victim is a common shared experience for incest victims…

as is the desire of the family for the victim to shoulder the burden and sweep the family’s shame under the table.

I don’t know why Michelle chose to tell her story now… but it is a horrific story…

being given cocaine at 11 and heroin at 16.. and raped at 19… by her father… and to cap it off.. finding herself pregnant with what she feared was her father’s child and feeling she had little choice but abortion.. No wonder she has had such a difficult time finding balance.

The diseases of alcoholism and drug addiction.. or pedophilia are no excuse for that kind of abuse of children… but the inclination of families.. even after the death of the perpetrator… is still to make excuses for unacceptable behavior and blame the victim for talking.

I choose to tell my story because people need to know that these things happen to nice people in nice families…

My stepdad wasn’t an alcoholic or a drug user… and other than more than one generation of pedophiles.. he and his family were fine upstanding citizens… so much so that a whole town neglected to tell the mother of two pre-school girls that her fiance’s father was a known child molester… and her fiance a suspected child molester who had been engaged twice to young mothers with daughters who abruptly broke the engagement off and left town.

it isn’t as though nobody knew what was going on.. they just thought a man’s reputation was more important than a little sexual abuse of children… after all.. he didn’t really “hurt” his victims.

But sexual molestation does hurt children… even when kids forget what happened to them, they are affected by the abuse their entire lives… suppressed memories can cause far larger problems than those we acknowledge and deal with… and memories are most often suppressed in families that deny the victim the opportunity to talk about their abuse.

In spite of the fact that my mother divorced my stepdad for “fooling around with me” prior to my 13th birthday, i didn’t acknowledge the extent of his abuse until after i had a couple of children of my own and even then he denied it and my family believed him.

He tried to leave my brother’s wedding reception with my daughter who was 10 at the time and looked just like me… and still my family said that i misunderstood his intentions.

the picture of his victim was in his wallet the day he died and my brother who was a policeman well acquainted with the issues of pedophilia from an enforcement standpoint told me how much Dad had loved me.. the evidence was my picture… never mind that i was in my 40s and the picture was of a ten year old girl.

I have still never spoken with my family about the extent of the abuse i suffered… and i probably never will. It is too distressing for them.

My family loves me.. but for them, the story ended when my stepdad died over 25 years ago..and they think it should have ended for me long before then.

I wish more people would speak out about the horror of child molestation and how it affects the lives of those who are victimized twice.. once when molested and again when they speak out.

So no, I am not McKenzie Phillips, but i support not only her her right to talk about her story but the responsibility of all survivors to do so if they can. Too many can’t.

AceMotel and Traci..

thanks… the good news is that i have finally come to terms with most of what happened to me as a child… it only took 40 years :)

If my story helps one other victim see themselves and their experience in a different context..

or helps one parent establish the kind of relationship with their children that prevents that kind of abuse..

it is well worth telling.

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[flowerpetal]

JoB, your story helps all of us. Its not only victims and parents that need to know. I’m in awe of your strength.

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[JoB]

flowerpetal..

i think stubborn is probably more accurate :))

but i will take the nod to strength as a huge compliment and remember it next time i feel too overwhelmed to go on.

i wish more people would share the lessons they learned the hard way…

and not just about this subject..

i think we can all learn something from them.

To give an example, I have learned a great deal from the gay community about perseverance and strength..

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[Que]

JoB, thank you so much for sharing your story. It is an important one for people to hear.

I too can’t fathom why a business would glorify Mary Kay’s predatory relationship with Vili. As horrifying as I found the story when the news broke, now as a parent of a young child, it is even more awful.

Kudos to you for all the very hard work that you have done over the years to get to a better place with what happened to you. Strength and perserverance indeed. :-)

Blessings and Strength to you.

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[waterworld]

JoB: In posts 39 and 41 you mention the concern that sexual predators should be prevented from profiting from their crimes. Washington law already prohibits people convicted of crimes from profiting on them. See, for example RCW 7.68.300 – .350, which allows for the seizure and forfeiture of (and I paraphrase here) any property (money, things, rights) acquired by a person convicted of a crime for which there is a victim, where the acquisition of that property is the direct or indirect result of the convicted person having committed the crime. The statute specifically provides that “property” includes remuneration or rights to remuneration for reenactments or depictions of the crime in movies, books, magazines, and other media, or in live entertainment. The statute also extends to any “expression of the convicted person’s thoughts, feelings, opinions, or emotions regarding the crime.”

Another statute in chapter 7.62 applies a similar set of standards to individuals who are accused of victim-related crimes, so that they cannot profit before they are convicted. (I believe the defendant gets the money or property back if there’s an acquittal. At least I hope so.)

In all cases, the money goes to the victim or the victim’s family if the victim was murdered. There are some more complicated rules if the victim never makes a claim for compensation from the funds recovered.

I am so very sorry to hear about what happened to you. You are brave to speak out publicly and share your story. I’m sure there are lots of ways we can improve the law, but I hope you take some comfort in knowing that predators are already prohibited from making money off their crimes.

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