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February 16, 2008 at 3:42 am #586406
AnonymousInactiveI would like to know why people think it is okay to tell someone they need to eat a cheeseburger! If someone is thin, it is NOT ok to comment on it. I would never, in a million years, tell someone overweight that they should skip a meal! Sorry to vent, but I cannot believe some people!!
February 16, 2008 at 3:50 am #615715
JoBParticipantnew resident.. i have lived on both ends of that divide. until i was well into my late 30s, i looked anorexic and got more unwanted comments about my weight… i could eat anything and not gain a pound…. then middle age and chronic illness conspired and my weight ballooned.. and i got even more comments on my weight.
now i am on the low end of middle aged spread and i still get comments on my weight.
it is not ok to comment on anyone’s weight.
if you are concerned about their health.. ask them if they are ok.
but let them eat what they want… when they want.. and how much they want.. in peace.
February 16, 2008 at 7:37 am #615716
acemotelParticipantSometimes it’s a great temptation, though, I must say, when standing in line at the grocery check-out behind an obese family with cart full of pizza, soft drinks, candy, ice cream, chocolate milk, chips, etc… I would never say anything, but everyone who observes this scene has the same thoughts.
What about a baby sucking out of a baby bottle filled with orange pop? Or a toddler eating candy? The parents are abusing their children’s health.
February 16, 2008 at 8:48 am #615717
WSBKeymasterDear people, please take care with this topic. As a person of size who you will not find at the grocery store with a cart full of junk food – though it would be none of your business if you did (and a cart full of turnips, brown rice, and apples is no guaranteed ticket to slenderhood) – I have long had that on the list of danger topics on this site. A WSB tenet is that you don’t criticize anyone for a trait with which they are born – race, gender, sexual orientation, any aspect of size (height or weight or proportion), etc. This isn’t criticism yet but I see it potentially going that way, so I want to be clear about that now. Plenty of other places you can debate size (on Slog, for example, Dan Savage posts anti-fat diatribes practically weekly) if you so choose. Thanks.
February 16, 2008 at 9:23 am #615718
acemotelParticipantOK. God knows, we all have our faults. It took me a little over 24 hours to consume a container of Big Bite brownies from Metropolitan Market. :-O It would have been OK if someone in line had told me, “you don’t really need that.” But I can’t expect anyone to save me from myself!
February 16, 2008 at 10:19 am #615719
JanSParticipantace….I adore the Big Bite brownies…next time share :)
February 16, 2008 at 2:30 pm #615720
KayleighMemberI think it’s a boundary violation to talk negatively about any aspect of someone’s appearance. I got the “you’re too thin!” thing for years, mostly by people who were making themselves feel better, frankly. I’ve always aimed for *fit*, not *thin*, anyway, and worked very hard at it. (anybody want to do aerobics with me at 5am?) ;-)
I guess I’m one of those people who has way too much on her mind to analyze what people put in their grocery carts. I barely have time to fill my own as thoughtfully as I would like.
February 16, 2008 at 4:21 pm #615721
KenParticipantNo one mentions my weight. But it could be because I am male and 6’4″.
Some seem to think it is ok to comment on a womans weight that would never comment on a mans.
I think life should be more like tv. I think all of life’s problems ought to be solved in 30 minutes with simple homilies, don’t you? I think weight and oral hygiene ought to be our biggest concerns. I think we should all have powerful, high-paying jobs, and everyone should drive fancy sports cars. All our desires should be instantly gratified. Women should always wear tight clothes, and men should carry powerful handguns. Life overall should be more glamorous, thrill-packed, and filled with applause, don’t you think?
— Calvin & Hobbs
February 16, 2008 at 4:23 pm #615722
JoBParticipanti am so glad they are a cartoon
February 16, 2008 at 6:25 pm #615723
AnonymousInactiveI didn’t intend for this thread to offend anyone. I wanted to inform people that the etiquette required for someone overweight should be applied to people underweight as well. That’s all.
I want to thank those of you who shared your similar experiences. Always nice to know that there is someone else who has dealt with this as well. Thanks.
February 16, 2008 at 6:29 pm #615724
AnonymousInactiveAnd, Ken, I think, because I am so tall (for a girl), it seems to make me more of a target. Don’t get me wrong, though, I LOVE being tall! What’s even better is my daughter is going to be even taller than me. I’m doing everything I can, now, while she’s young, so that she will embrace her height.
February 16, 2008 at 7:08 pm #615725
JanSParticipantNew Res…tall is good. I’m 5’4 (old age shrinkage, used to be a bit taller – lol), ex-hubby is 5’7….daughter is 5’8. and struggles to maintain a low weight because of comments her dad made when she was a teenager, and because society, even doc charts,say she weighed too much for her size.
Me? I just need to grow about 4 inches, and my weight would even out…hahahaha. We all need to love ourselves as we are. A rule to live by…never take anything personally, whether it’s a wolf whistle, or some jerk telling us to eat more because we’re so thin ( not even in my dreams). What those people feel is not about us, it’s about them, and what they feel internally. Not taking things personally is a hard thing to do, but certainly makes life easier..
February 16, 2008 at 11:35 pm #615726
acemotelParticipantJan, I do wish they would sell those brownies in packages of one or two. :-)
Kayleigh, you go, girl! You are a much better human being than I am. In my next life, I will hope for a richly textured interior life, to keep my thoughts inside my own head and my eyes on my own cart!
What a nice afternoon to take all our variously-sized bodies outside….
February 17, 2008 at 12:09 am #615727
AnonymousInactiveAcemotel – thanks for backtracking on the grocery cart opinions. I might be one of those people you’re looking at. First, I know I am fat. I wasn’t as a child until I was abused. Then as an adult I maintained pretty well until I got a chronic illness and became forced to live a mostly sedentary lifestyle. Recently a new medication made me gain 30 pounds on top of what I was. I would never have the cart you described, but when someone asks me to pick up dessert or if I have a craving for something totally fattening, I just cringe when I’m at the store picking it out. I know what people are thinking.
And when my kids were teenagers it was even worse. They’re both so skinny you could blink and miss them. They could eat anything but I was still the one people looked at purchasing it. Of course I know I couldn’t get my size without a high percentage of chocolate, but illness, medication and emotional issues have made their contributions as well. So thank-you for not saying something out loud. I already know it and feel bad enough.
February 17, 2008 at 12:27 am #615728
acemotelParticipantThank you JT, appreciate your comments. I was once quite fat myself during a difficult three-year period, and I know that it’s painful to live inside that skin. People are hurtful. Fat people are invisible, ignored and dismissed. What makes me the most angry, however, is that people will treat the SAME person entirely differently based on appearance…. one set of reactions for fat and another for thin. >>>unfair!<<< I came to intimately understand discrimination. I think I’m probably on thin ice with this conversation, but did want to convey my empathy and understanding along with sincere apologies for my insensitivity……..
February 23, 2008 at 10:51 pm #615729
AnonymousInactiveHow is this thread a reader recommendation?
February 23, 2008 at 11:53 pm #615730
JanSParticipantMaryT…you’re right, it belongs in Open Discussion…the only person who can relocate it to there is the Webmaster…maybe you could run it by her.. :)
February 24, 2008 at 2:15 am #615731
AnonymousInactiveIt is very insensitive of people to mention your weight, if someone is over-weight or underweight it is not up to other peole to remind them. I am tall 5’8 and my husband is 5’11 and our youngest daughter who is 4’2 and just 7 years old was constantly remindered of her height at her former school, especially by other parents. I made me mad everyday having to her to deal with their insensitive behavior. Yes, she knows she is tall, not not short but stop telling her she is huge or large. Yes she will grow to be tall, but hey clothes often look better on tall people. Tall is good. Short is good. Let everyone be who they are.
February 24, 2008 at 4:17 am #615732
karenParticipantHow about bad hair? Or awful clothes choices? Or a car that pollutes the environment? Or a messy house? Or non-organic produce? Or reading those smutty romance novels? Or the way you choose to speak to your child? Or your spouse?
Anything you comment upon can be taken as a criticism. There are some things that we can not change or do anything about and when we judge someone – over anything – we do so without knowledge of that person’s circumstance.
My hair looks bad – I just had a bad haircut and am waiting for it to grow out.
My clothes are poorly suited to me – I have no budget for new clothes, or no one has taught me how to do that “put together” thing.
My car is a 4X4 gas guzzler – I need it because I do a lot of off road driving for work.
See my point?
In some ways it is up to us to not take things so personally. When someone comments upon your height (or your daughter’s), instead of getting angry you can point out how well clothes look on tall people – as an example.
Weight is a touchy issue in our society but judgements of any type can hurt, so we need to be mindful of other’s feelings.
On the other hand, we need to not take things so personally or we will become a society that is afraid to talk to each other for fear of offending someone.
February 24, 2008 at 4:26 am #615733
AnonymousInactiveNicely put Karen and easy enough to do, but after the comments keep coming one right after the other it gets really old having to ignore people’s comments. Especially when they are commenting on a childs heights, weight, etc… After me telling people at her former school that she isn’t “huge”, or “large” we gave up since those people were choosing to remain insensitive slobs. Parents would come right up to me and say Oh she is so huge or large, and I would answer No, she isn’t large or huge she may be abit taller than your kid but she isn’t large or huge, then that well-meaning parent would say No she is large or huge. I wanted to yell to the top of my lungs No she isn’t large or huge, your kid is short but you know I was raised to use my good manners and I would never say what I truly wanted to say. Now we are at a different and much better school (no we didn’t move because of these comments, just a better educational experience for our kids) and since Septemeber we have never heard one word that our kids, especially our daughter is large or huge. The parents at the new school have manners and use them. The other school was so chocked full of snobby parents it was shocking!
So all that said I still believe people should just shut their mouths and stop making any comments that are unkind to anybody.
February 24, 2008 at 5:11 am #615734
BonnieParticipantLattemom, you sure have alot of issues with your child’s former school…don’t you?
February 24, 2008 at 5:57 am #615735
AnonymousInactiveIt was a horrible school! None of our kids were happy there, my husband and I were miserable there too and truly hated going to any of the school functions but we did to support our kids. Having to deal with all those snobby parents, a principal who ruled the school like hitler and every morning and afternoon having people make comments about our daughter’s height and not know which parent would speak to me on any given day was quite enough for us all. Our kids have all done well since the move and have been able to make friends.
February 24, 2008 at 6:11 am #615736
AnonymousInactiveBut I might add it is all in the past (thank god!), we have nothing to do with anyone from that school as if it matters since none of our kids ever had a playdate with any kids from that school and now our kids friends come to our house all the time. What bothered my husband and I more was the parents (other Moms who should have known better!) to keep telling me that our daughter is huge. I wanted to yell well hey maybe if you fed your kid your kid would grown too. Yes I can still get ralled up about it as I am now but hey we moved to an excellent school with an outstanding principal, wonderful teachers and very caring staff and it has been so positive that it really make the other school a very small shadow in our lives experiences.
But what I still don’t understand and probably never will is what gave the other parents the right to keep telling me our daugter is huge (by the way none of our kids are overweight), and when I told them no they would argue with me and say yes she is? I don’t get why they thought it was their duty or their right to tell me this or to argue with me. If all this hadn’t happened at a school I would have gladly told this busybody Moms to go $%^& %^&!!
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