The (apparent) woodpecker-shooter explains himself

This just in, as a comment on the original report. Can’t say for 100% certain this is really “The Perp,” as he signed the comment, but we can say that one bit of only-available-to-site-admin info does seem to corroborate vicinity …

Ok. Iâ€™m the guy that shot the bird. A couple comments:

1. Bravo Seattle Police. My house was surrounded by a SWAT team (not kidding!) in less than ten minutes from the murder. My wife awoke to 6 cops with assault rifles in our yard. Sorry to my next door neighbor btw, you didnâ€™t actually need to hit the bricks when the cop gave you the â€˜get lowâ€™ hand sign.

2. I have sinned. I do feel really feel bad about putting a cap in that horny pecker/flicker. I realize a 28 foot tall version of the pecker/flicker may be standing at the gates with St. Pete upon my demise. All I can say is that I will do everything possible to rebuild my pecker/flicker karma. May you rest in peace Woody.

3. That bird had it comin. Weâ€™ve spent $300 bird proofing the side of our house (grates, hole filler, etc.). The horny pecker/flicker punched holes in our siding, pecked us out of bed at 6 am daily and pooped on our house (a lot). I gave him a number of warning shots. To no avail.

4. To the lady that narced on me. Thanks for the wine and flowers. You donâ€™t have to move out of the neighborhood. I would like to suggest a quick check up at the eye doctor or an NRA primer on gun types.

5. To my wife. Youâ€™re welcome! Cops with assault rifles, the ire of our neighbors, the sight of our son huddled over the dead birdâ€™s bodyâ€¦all worth it. Youâ€™ll thank me when you wake up at 8 am instead of 6 am tomorrow. And no you donâ€™t get â€™spa timeâ€™ for your troubles today.

Chippah April 25, 2008 (10:55 pm)

Well which was it? A pecker or a flicker?

changingtimes April 25, 2008 (11:09 pm)

dont worry i tottaly feel you on this one!! i have those little sparrows taking a bath in my dogs water bowl and then pooping all over my deck and car!!!

Les April 25, 2008 (11:45 pm)

Yea, Yea, Yea, hope it was the same one who has been attacking our house, around the corner from yours.

LES

WSB April 26, 2008 (12:12 am)

The Northern Flicker *IS* a woodpecker.
http://www.birds.cornell.edu/AllAboutBirds/BirdGuide/Northern_Flicker.html

Kayleigh April 26, 2008 (4:34 am)

Poor bird…how dare he try and live his life as a bird. I’m sure there were no humane ways to keep him away—ya just had to shot him, didn’t you? And nice to do it in front of your kid. Maybe he’ll learn to be a violent bully like you!

Jerk.

chase April 26, 2008 (6:36 am)

Yee haa We have spent the last three days with no sleep with a crow’s nest in our front yard. Thanks to the bird lady next door with her peanuts. Took it down two times now with no luck. They have been dive bombing us. So now I’m at war. I have nothing but water hose and rocks and I’m going to make there life hell for the next two days….Bring it on crows it’s me or you that’s going to go….I hope she call the bird police also bring them on…..

carraig na splinkeen April 26, 2008 (6:55 am)

This would be more believable if written in “Elmer Fudd-ese”

BobLoblaw April 26, 2008 (7:21 am)

It’s pecker huntin’ season!

Melissa April 26, 2008 (7:21 am)

So very wrong! I’m bird/nature lover and a gun despiser. That being said, that was a funny, funny post.

amused April 26, 2008 (7:55 am)

Funny post, thanks. That said, it was not a SWAT team that responded to your house. Patrol officers are well equipped and ready to protect you.

shihtzu April 26, 2008 (8:18 am)

Very funny.

stan April 26, 2008 (8:34 am)

Nice, reasonable response from a rational-sounding gun owner. I’m sure nobody *wants* to go around shooting woodpeckers, but this sounded justified.

Sometimes there’s no other way. Save the outrage for unjustified animal killing situations, like the guy who was shooting pet cats in his yard because they *might* be eating robins.

OP April 26, 2008 (8:45 am)

Best. Post. Ever.

Creighton April 26, 2008 (9:01 am)

Good on ya bra. I would have done the same thing. I condone the killing of birds, chickens and turkeys mostly, for lesser crimes – like being birds when I get hungry. Can’t really say survival needs, just hungry in that case. Bird war isn’t pretty. My last house had the Stellar Jays all over the place thanks to another (same?) peanut lady next door. Not fun.

Arby April 26, 2008 (9:08 am)

If you don’t shoot to kill, be prepared to shell out big money to up-armor your home!

Had to reside the house last summer in Hardi and slate after losing a 3mo running battle with a flicker. That bird ripped over 10 holes in the siding. I kept patching, but he kept coming back.

He’s back this year… but can’t get in. And now he’s on to the neighbors!

nunya April 26, 2008 (9:16 am)

There is no amount of pain and punishment that will be more severe than having your wife remind you of this event for the rest of your life.

Herman April 26, 2008 (9:21 am)

What a jerk. He put his money over life, his convenience over life. I’ll bet there were other ways to solve this problem but he was too cheap and lazy to use them.

JenV April 26, 2008 (9:41 am)

agree with OP. Best. Post. Ever. Funny stuff. I am going to walk around all day with the phrase “horny pecker flicker” in my head all day. :D
btw, isn’t it comforting that the SPD is so johnny on the spot?

d April 26, 2008 (10:19 am)

Ok, so I’m a birder and BIG, wildlife appreciator. BUT, I’m definitely appreciating the pecker perp’s humor.

However, just in case there are other Elmer wanna-be’s lurking who are thinking the season really IS open on urban wildlife as we go into breeding season, maybe learn how to cope and check out paws.org/wildlife/resources first. Maybe…huh? Geez.

And, yeah JenV, good to know SPD is around. As always.

Schmoopie April 26, 2008 (10:19 am)

I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time!

MSW April 26, 2008 (10:22 am)

Birds in your attic invites bird mites to live in your home. Nasty little creatures, they will live on humans if needed. We use to have to spray our chicken coop with an oil base mite killer, horrible smelling stuff but better than having and infestation. So those darling sparrows, crows, peckers or any wild birds hanging out in or near your home can have an unseen surprise waiting for you.

http://www.birdmites.org/nigthmare.html

jIggers April 26, 2008 (10:40 am)

He must have a small pecker.

Rob April 26, 2008 (10:49 am)

Don’t worry, the 51st block is a no-fly zone. I just wonder what the response by Seattle PD would have been if this happend in say….oh….whitecenter?
Hey Herman…would you shoot me with a paintball gun if I constantly took a poop on your front step?

Jack Flanders April 26, 2008 (11:14 am)

LOL…funny post, especially if it’s true!

ZS April 26, 2008 (1:11 pm)

Very nice! I am a bird hunter, although I like to eat what I kill. Don’t know how ‘pecker tastes?

I hate pest birds. Had a case of pigeons that were relentless in building and re-building their nest in the alcove of my townhouse faux-chimney.

Had one in my sights (with a bb gun) but flew away just in time. Those rats with wings are smart. Just had to chicken wire shut the space.

Did this guy use a real gun? I cannot condone that and if he did he does deserved the wrath of the SPD.

CO Transplant April 26, 2008 (1:33 pm)

Great post! If the sight of an air rifle makes S.W.A.T. show up, then it’s time to reconsider my Pigeon Mitigation Plan.

TheHouse April 26, 2008 (1:37 pm)

Personally, I would have shot a pecker that tried to nest in my backyard as well. I prefer my pecker up front.

I nominate this guys screen name to be “EUNUCH” since he got rid of his pecker.

steveed April 26, 2008 (3:19 pm)

But…what about the children?

Seriously, the SWAT team needs a little on the job training to keep their peckers up.

ahem.

Dawn April 26, 2008 (4:20 pm)

man, i needed a good laugh!! Thanks sooo much!! the comment up above about ” i dont know how pecker taste” just put me over the top, but i know this is a “family show”

Julie April 26, 2008 (5:36 pm)

I wish I lived next to you. Seriously. :)

still in mourning April 26, 2008 (7:01 pm)

Completely enjoyed the post. No judgement here on whether or not the flicker should have been terminated….I do have a concern about air pellet guns though. I think it would be difficult for an average citizen to identify what is a bullet firing gun/weapon from an air pellet gun from a distance. For whatever reason, the manufacturers have been making them look more realistic (as in weapon-like). Next time your at Big 5 take a look. If I saw someone stalking around the neighborhood with a pellet gun, bird shooting wouldn’t be the first thing that came to mind… I lost a loved-one in the fracas that occured after his pellet gun was misidentified as a real gun; and no, I don’t blame the witnesses who called it in or the swat team that responded. It was the error in judgement brandishing an air pellet gun in public. It can happen.

MAS April 26, 2008 (7:07 pm)

BTW, I have a couple of 5′ blowguns that are pretty much totally silent and capable of lethal action against something this small. Plus, they won’t bring on the police response when used. Only good for about 20 yards, but great for this purpose (and good for smacking a nuisance bird with a nonlethal pellet if that’s what’s really needed.)

WSMom April 26, 2008 (8:18 pm)

My 14 year old has begged us for years for an air soft rifle. I’m sorry to say, lots of boys are running around shooting each other with air rifles that look like real guns. I don’t get it and keep saying no.

rjb April 26, 2008 (9:47 pm)

Meh.

It really wasn’t tar funny. Trying a little too hard, methinks.

JumboJim April 26, 2008 (10:25 pm)

“I tried everything” perp says…
–
Ever hear of a bird house?? Duh. Problem solved.

Rasmus April 26, 2008 (10:45 pm)

I also agree with OP. Very funny and well written.

jIggers April 27, 2008 (2:46 am)

Seriously, if you don’t have a pecker how are you to get laid?

Rhonda Porter April 27, 2008 (11:48 am)

This post is one of the funniest things I’ve read lately. :)

Chris April 27, 2008 (1:23 pm)

Go live in a condo downtown if you can’t take a little nature in your neighborhood. Hope there aren’t any crying babies in your neighborhood that wake you up at 6 a.m.

Paul April 27, 2008 (5:59 pm)

It is a criminal act to kill a migratory songbird (yes, a woodpecker is a songbird) unless you have proven to Department of Natural Resources (DNR) personnel the bird is a nuisance. Then, you must have a permit. The fine can be up to $15000.

SundaySchool April 27, 2008 (8:25 pm)

hey, you did the only thing you could. Totally worth the $500 fine. Woodpeckers cause an amazing amount of expensive damage to a house. Please come to our neighborhood and mow them down!

BGH April 27, 2008 (8:34 pm)

If a woodpecker was pecking my house, the bird would be dead as well. I am not a hunter and believe in humane treatment for animals and for animal rights, but enough would be enough. Next you would tell me I can’t kill the rat in my garage.

Jenny April 28, 2008 (10:20 am)

I was going to say the moral is: Let your neighbors know beforehand that in the coming weeks you’ll be going after woodpeckers with an air-gun. But then, do you really know which of your neighbors will understand and which ones secretly harbor the Seattle Eco-goofy Virus (SEV)? So I dunno – maybe it’s just a risk you take when you live in a place like Seattle. But even still – at least they’d know that the big, scary gun they see one morning out their window is just an air-rifle being used by someone they know who’s been responsible enough to alert them beforehand, and maybe calling the police isn’t warranted.

Jenny April 28, 2008 (10:26 am)

p.s. I love flickers! I suspect that it’s the other kinds of woodpeckers that tend to drill into houses – the flickers I’ve seen are always rooting around on the ground or in rotten wood. What say the experts?

Michael April 28, 2008 (10:48 am)

I think the post is a parody of the kind of person who would fire a gun in the city. Of course, he’d be unremorseful and totally surprised at neighbor/police response – he thought that when he moved here he was moving to Montana. :)
.
Look forward to seeing another amusing post in this series, perhaps about pepper-spraying a neighbor’s barking dog.

Chris April 28, 2008 (11:08 am)

Never had trouble with woodpeckers in our neighborhood. They feed on my birdfeeder and I love watching them. It’s the starlings that have pecked holes in our neighbors house for years! Two holes actually – one the size of a salad plate! They’re dirty nasty birds!

villagegreen April 28, 2008 (12:25 pm)

Genius! I’ve been dreaming about doing this exactly same thing for weeks. Every morning this damn woodpecker commences pecking the hell out of the back of our house. I’ve tried scaring it away, but it obviously thinks I’m a fool.

What is it with these damn birds? Aren’t there enough trees around to bore their holes into. I’ve posted a ‘Rant’ about the propensity of West Seattlites to cut down trees, so maybe we’ve brought this on ourselves.

Still…I’d love to shoot the stupid thing…if only in my dreams.

cleat April 28, 2008 (12:54 pm)

So .. if a bird is pecking at the house, isn’t that a sign there are bugs in the wood that it’s trying to get to, to eat? Had the Orcan man out for termites lately?

roddy April 28, 2008 (3:39 pm)

Hey woodpecker guy, did you get pooped on by a pigeon recently?

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2004378779_webpigeons28m.html

island dweller since birth April 28, 2008 (3:39 pm)

I was thinking about posting something along this same line about erradicating termites, but who am I to blame them for thinking the house I put up in their homeland shouldn’t be theirs for the taking?!

I loved this story when it first ran and simply HAD to reply after seeing the folks who err on the side of every tiny creature out there over common sense. Me thinks these are the types that would roll their hybrid to miss hitting a squirrel in the road, and thus kill their own family in doing so.

Goody April 28, 2008 (8:51 pm)

And about my raccoons? Hear they eat them in the South. Very, very funny post!

Raving Avian April 29, 2008 (12:21 am)

Woodpeckers don’t randomly bang on houses for their merriment. If they are drilling away, it means there are insects for the chomping. Next time it would be better to check for bugs, especially carpenter ants, before giving the bird the trigger finger.

Tony April 29, 2008 (9:36 am)

Poor lil feller. May he rest in peace with the other lil woodies.

Funny as hell. Thanks for sending a response to your situation. I got a big laugh from it.

villagegreen April 29, 2008 (10:08 am)

Never had termites. Never had ants. Our siding is freshly painted cedar shingles. Not a bug to be found. Woodpeckers are programmed to peck. That’s what they do…until someone shoots them.

GA native April 29, 2008 (10:55 am)

LOL! Way to go! I can sympathize completely! As a teenager there was a woodpecker that while it didn’t do any damage to the house pecked in the leaves in the rain gutters at the corner of my room at 5am every morning for months and my mom won’t let me shoot it.

hate birds of any kind May 5, 2008 (11:06 am)

We just shot and killed two of those nasty things yesterday. We finally had some peace in the morning. They were starting at 5:00am with their pecking–right outside our bedroom. Been reading up on it, and didn’t realize it’s not exactly legal….oh well.

Sorry, comment time is over.