No Replies to "A funeral and a brunch"

• matthew May 21, 2007 (1:55 am)

  johnny again

  in shoes too big

  i spoke words not mine

  to people i knew

  and some i didn’t

  i spoke for my friend

  i spoke for his family

  i wish they were my words

  i wish it wasn’t a eulogy

  i mourn for myself

  no good for the dead

  no posthumous idolitry

  i suffer along with everyone else

  i bought the shoes

  i said the words

  i hugged 400 people

  i was utterly alone

  i cannot express my grief in tidy words

  i cannot make a collage of memories

  i will not participate in the pity party

  i want to hide until it’s all over

  i dont know what he would have wanted

  i can’t say that he loved us all

  i share all the same doubts

  and the horror of his sudden death

  i hope to begin my mourning

  i want to return to life

  but i still see him on the stool next to me

  and it’s not real yet

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