Home › Forums › Open Discussion › Valentines Day–Be Spontaneous (Rant/Suggestions)
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February 13, 2012 at 11:26 am #602170
DannyQMemberThis post applies to everyone from all walks of life. Whether you’ve been in a relationship for 5 months or you’ve been married for 50 years.
In my situation, well….I’m simply in love and it’s magical. I am 22 years old and very energetic. I got into my first relationship a little over 6 months ago on August 11th, 2011. I have never been more passionate for anyone in my life. It’s the greatest feeling I’ve ever had.
My girlfriend who is 5 years older than me knows that I am a romantic person. I always come up with ways to surprise her with even the smallest things that make her happy. But recently she has been making it very clear that none of her past boyfriends have ever bought her flowers or even given her a card on Valentines Day. I’ll admit, when she does this I find myself getting irritated because I have been planning what I am going to do for her this Tuesday for the past few weeks and have been piecing it together. But by her bringing it up, I felt like she was taking some of the surprise out of it and ruining the integrity of my master plan.
Although it’s been known for centuries, I’ve come to the realization that every woman wants a love, they want to be loved and feel loved, they simply want a Valentine.
Unfortunately the world that we live in today does not present women with respect, nor does it offer them appreciation. Sure, women have become leaders of countries and have held high positions and broken barriers that were never classified suitable for the female race to take part in, but the the expectations both physically and emotional are so demanding by all that it’s a miracle women still have the strength to be in relationships or grant men access to their hearts. It’s no wonder there are women like Susan Powter.
I’m a very honest person and sometimes people don’t like it, but I’ll be the first to say that until I was 3 months in to my relationship, I had never given my full respect to women. I would always look at them and create a judgement on if I was interested in sleeping with them right off the bat or not. I would date women casually and never return their calls. I would scroll down my contacts list until somebody was gullible enough to meet up with me and I would always judge how they presented themselves.
It’s sad, I know. Unfortunately most men have felt and acted this way at some point or another. It’s even worse if a man were to do this while in a relationship. Double life? I feel so bad about the decisions I once made, but I’m so proud of myself for the changes I have made. It not only feels good internally, but it makes me feel good because of the impact I have on everyone else. When I talk to women now, I talk to them with respect and without instant judgement. It’s made me a better person and I owe it to my girlfriend.
Well…..going back to the original reason I wanted to post. ha-ha.
****To all Men*****
Go to the store, get white board pens and write on the mirror before your wife/girlfriend wakes up. Write a note from the heart. Keep it simple. Make sure it’s the mirror she uses to get ready.
Get her favorite coffee or drink at the espresso stand near you and bring it to her when she normally wakes up.
Clean the house.
I want you to spend an hour or two regardless of the inconvenience it takes to MAKE your wife or girlfriend a card. Don’t feel cheap because your “making” it, understand that it will mean 100 x’s more to her if you actually make it. It can be funny, romantic or anything else, just make sure it’s sincere.
I want you to fight the long lines at local florists or grocery stores to try and find her favorite flowers.
Understand that it’s not necessary to buy her a new diamond every year. I know some women are very materialistic, but if you mix it up this year…trust me…you’ll be good.
Don’t take her out to dinner. COOK!! If you can’t cook, just do some research online and really try. If you burn everything, she will get a good laugh but will be amazed that tried. If all else fails, go out to dinner.
Who knows where the night will take you…but remember it’s about her, not you. So be kind and wise.
Who am I? Some 22 year old kid that knows nothing? Well, try this and give me the results when your done! :-)
February 13, 2012 at 3:28 pm #748111
DBPMemberLove your romantic spin on life, Danny. It’s hard to believe that you weren’t spoken for until just six months ago . . .
Watch this folks:
Dare ya not to smile.
February 13, 2012 at 4:55 pm #748112
miwsParticipantDanny, you sound wise beyond your years. Don’t beat yourself up over the mistakes you’ve made in the past. You came to your realization much earlier in life than probably most others. Some people don’t reach your level of maturity and insight, until a much later age. Some never do.
The twenties, probably at least until the mid-twenties, are a time of growth, and molding into the person you will be the rest of your life. Just in relatively recent years it’s been determined that the human brain doesn’t full develop until around age 25. You have a bit more of a challenge, in that your GF is five years your senior. She is in the upper spectrum of the twenties, while you are still down in the lower. Add to the fact that females are more mature than males, (that never changes) so, hell, it’s like she’s ten years older! ;-)
It’s too bad she mentioned the flowers, when that was going to be your big surprise. But, get them anyway, and perhaps you can come up with something else she’ll really like, and will be a nice surprise.
It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, are in a great relationship with a great lady, and are on the right path at this point in your life. Keep treating her with respect, that’s as important, if not more important, than love. Have fun, and I hope that you and your GF have a great Valentine’s Day!
Mike
February 13, 2012 at 5:18 pm #748113
mpentoParticipantBah Humbug!
February 13, 2012 at 5:53 pm #748114
JanSParticipantmpento…made me laugh. I’m single, no SO in my life. Valentine’s Day? a non-event..actually, I get to spend the evening hooked up to a machine for about 4 hours…dialysis..so in a way Valentine’s Day is life saving :) Guess I should appreciate that.
February 13, 2012 at 6:01 pm #748115
JoBParticipantDannyQ
speaking as a woman..
the best advice i can give
is that if a woman actually bothers to hint that flowers and candy.. or a box of nails and a hammer.. would make her heart go pitterpatter..
get her what she asked for.
after all..
a gift that is what you want her to want from you
leaves her out of the equation…
and that’s the greatest disrespect of all
February 13, 2012 at 6:03 pm #748116
DBPMemberFebruary 13, 2012 at 6:03 pm #748117
miwsParticipantJan, speaking of “celebrating” holidays, my cocktail of (my medical team’s) choice to bring in the New Year, was Albuterol, elegantly served in a nebulizer.
Seriously. I was hospitalized, recovering from Pneumonia, and the nurse started the treatment about 11:55pm, and it carried over past midnight! :-)
(Sorry for the thread-jack, Danny!)
Mike
February 13, 2012 at 6:11 pm #748118
DBPMemberOoo! Mike!!
A message just came over the psychic hotline for you . . .
You will be spending Valentine’s Day with a pretty girl. This year, throw caution (and nebulizers) to the wind.
February 13, 2012 at 6:12 pm #748119
SueParticipantDanny, I do find it sweet that you care so much about your girlfriend that you want to make her special. But do know that not every woman gives a crap about Valentine’s Day. :)
I always found Valentine’s Day to be a bit depressing. For many years I was single, and when everyone around you is in a couple and is celebrating and you hear “so what are YOU doing for Valentine’s Day?” it can make a person feel not so good, and like they’re the only person in the world who isn’t celebrating (which isn’t true, but it feels like it).
I’ve been married since 1997. It means so much more to me to get a random surprise of my husband’s caring, rather than the “It’s Valentine’s Day, so I MUST get her something … and it’s going to cost 10x more just because it’s 2/14” gift. Last Friday night he was out late and I went to bed before he got home. When I woke up on Saturday morning, a bouquet of flowers were on the kitchen counter. That was sweet. Unexpected. And meant more than if I got them tomorrow. And probably cost him a lot less. :)
I’m not saying to ignore Valentine’s Day. But just wanted to point out that all women (and their expectations) are different. And I agree with JoB, to listen to what is wanted, rather than what you think is the best thing. And remember to do special things on the non-hallmark holidays too!
February 13, 2012 at 6:37 pm #748120
PK22MemberI commend Danny for being open ” hearted ” but this is one of the reasons why I love being single and not ” attached ” as society would want it but taking many factors into account, IMHO valentine’s day is just another consumer holiday.
SPEND, SPEND, SPEND and that just doesn’t mesh well with me but to each their own but now that I think about it, Danny may have it right, it’s not about how big the Diamond is or how many calories are in the box of chocolate’s or whether you buy your wife/GF/ Partner 400 dozen roses, it’s about the fact that you love that person unconditionally but unfortunately stats show that more relationship breakups and divorces occur on V-day than any other day of the year.
Just last year I dumped my GF at the time not because I was cheap but because I knew 2 months beforehand that she was not the person I wanted to be with once her ” true ” colors showed ( emotional outbursts, uncontrolled anger, destruction of personal property ) So like I said I let her go and took it upon myself to hand out roses to random women DT whether they had BF’s Husbands or not etc.
So with that said, Happy V-day everyone, whether or not you have someone, as for me, I am single and likely will be back DT handing out roses again.
:)
February 13, 2012 at 7:02 pm #748121
miwsParticipantDBP. who is this “pretty girl” you speak of?
Sometime back we determined that you’re a dude, so it can’t be you.
Might it be your twin sister DP?
Mike
February 13, 2012 at 7:15 pm #748122
DBPMember—I see pretty girls everywhere, Mike.
Or rather, I see the “pretty” in every girl.
But don’t ask me to explain the meaning of messages that come across the psychic hotline.
I’m just the messenger.
February 13, 2012 at 7:19 pm #748123
miwsParticipantFebruary 13, 2012 at 8:20 pm #748124
DBPMemberFebruary 13, 2012 at 8:36 pm #748125
metrognomeParticipantDannyQ — congrats on finding love; the trick is to nurture it so it continues to grow and stay healthy. As Sue mentioned, so people simply don’t like VDay because they don’t want to feel forced to participate in a made-up holiday. This can be particularly true if a previous partner showered one with presents on Feb 14 and cheated or ignored the relationship the other 364 days of the year.
My best advice, based on numerous failed relationships, is similar to what others have said — be spontaneous in expressing your feelings and also be respectful of how she responds. It needs to be a mix of what you want to say/give and what she wants to hear/receive; timing is everything (there can actually be a wrong time to say things.) Some people can be overwhelmed by ‘too much’ emotion (their definition, not yours) because while they may feel equally strongly, they may not have learned to be comfortable in expressing their feelings. Believe it or not, women can be as big commitmentphobes and have as much difficulty expressing their emotions as men, esp if they have been hurt before or if they grew up with dysfunctional parents.
And, finally, one of my favorite love songs … Tuck and Patti’s ‘You Take My Breath Away’
February 13, 2012 at 8:44 pm #748126
JiggersMemberHere’s some tips for you youngens. Why are you waiting for Valentines Day in the first place to buy her flowers? Get her a bunch of roses when she least expects them. You had all year. Why do you have to go out to a special dinner on that night? Tip: Go out a day or two before and/or after the day. You’ll get better service and you’ll get in the joint you want to go to. Valentines day is for amateure’s, just like New Years Eve. You’ll score major points if you have done all of this before that day. She may just want to stay home that night and drink some wine and watch a movie with you…. and you may get some hoochie on top of that ..:)
February 13, 2012 at 8:50 pm #748127
sam-cParticipantcommending the OP for the well-thought out post and glad that you’ve had a change in heart towards women. but I am another one of those females that does not like valentine’s day, whether I’m in a relationship or not. I think it’s a silly holiday and am so tired of the jewelry commercials.
Like Sue, I enjoy the random appearance of flowers.
I’ve gone out for valentine’s day just once and that was only because we swapped baby-sitting with some friends. to me, tomorrow is just Feb 14th.
February 13, 2012 at 9:48 pm #748128
trueblueMemberBack when I was single, whenever Valentine’s Day came around, we would have the “Biggest Loser” party for singles only, hosted by a friend of mine. He would cook an amazing meal, serve some great wine and we would all sit around and compare the worst date we had that year, all told in a humorous way. It was not a pity party, but a bunch of funny stories about how strange life and people can be. We all looked forward to sharing our best stories on that night and it was always fun to hear “oh I can top that” as the next person would get up and tell their story. When everyone was done we would vote for the worst date and the winner would get a prize and had the honor of cutting the broken heart shaped cake. It was a great way for a bunch of single people who might otherwise have been home alone and lonely on that day to have an evening of friendship, food and laughter and was something we all looked forward to each year.
February 13, 2012 at 9:51 pm #748129
JiggersMemberThe best night to go out to a bar is Valentines Day and after 9pm when dinner is finished and the expensive tab is paid by that sucker, she’ll be going out were her friends were I’m waiting to pounce…lol
February 13, 2012 at 9:57 pm #748130
datamuseParticipantThis year, I took my husband out (a couple of days early since that’s when we could get tickets) rather than the other way around. Valentine’s Day may be a commercially manufactured holiday, but the Atomic Bombshells’ “J’Adore” show at the Triple Door is pretty awesome.
(Last year I went to a heavy metal concert with a friend. As a few folks have said, it’s all about what you actually like. I’m not a diamond fan personally.)
February 14, 2012 at 12:13 am #748131
DannyQMemberMy goodness, I just woke up (Because of the opposite schedule I keep, temporarily for work) and woke up to all these responses.
I’ve never considered myself a blogger, but you guys definitely make this worth while!
I guess I will just start writing and see where this takes me…
In reading some of the posts, I realized that there is obviously a difference in opinion depending on age. Being 22, and having a lot of people in my age group as friends on Facebook, every year it seems like my single women friends choose to express their hatred or disgust for the “Hallmark Holiday”. I’ve always been an observer and have always been good with psychology, but it appears to me that February 14th seems to do nothing but remind people that somewhere a long the line something went wrong, and in a lot of cases they are upset about whatever it is that went wrong. In the words of the wedding singer, “Love stinks”. My personal observation seems to be that it’s similar to people who are in a casino. When people are losing their money and the cards aren’t being played the way they want them to be played, they get really upset and have an empty feeling which keeps them gambling with the anticipation and hope that they will recover what’s been lost. But when someone is winning, and their chips are stacking up…well, their the happiest people in the world. They tip larger and smile bigger.
I suppose using the word “spoil” in my original post wasn’t the correct description to use. I would say I surprise her consistently. Luckily, because I am a musician, an artist really, I have a mind that is extremely creative. I often get frustrated with myself because sometimes the ideas I get are hard to transpose. I actually am not getting her flowers tomorrow. I get her flowers about once a week, sometimes more because I know that she really enjoys them and I really enjoy going to pike place in the mornings to get the first pick after my shift while having a cup of hot chocolate. My master plan wasn’t “what will I buy her”, it was “what can I do for her that differs from what I normally do”. It was really hard to come up with something because I always recreate and top the last thing I did. Where as I set the bar high, it always gives me a well accepted challenge to show my love.
I happened to attend the Home and Garden show last Wednesday with her mother and aunt (I was there to carry all of the stuff they bought). I started seeing things that I personally liked for the yard. Things that were hand crafted and made with heart and inspiration. We walked around and the women shopped for the better part of 4 hours (yes I was tired). It wasn’t until the very last booth that I saw something I simply knew was destined to be given to my girlfriend as a sign of our love. Keep in mind that I have every anticipation of having her as my first & last girlfriend, but even if that doesn’t play out for some reason or another, she will always have this item with her for the rest of her life as a symbol of the time we shared with each other. It’s a glass-blown rose that has a distinct cherry red type color to it that is the most beautiful piece of art I have ever seen. I believe the artist is of Italian decent. I am such a picky person when it comes to making purchases, especially for her because I insist on the best, but this certainly tops it all. I will make her a card and proceed with my plans for tomorrow evening.
No, for those of you who say why restrict it to “Valentines Day” and make it a big deal? Well, it’s not restricted to this one day, as every day I put all of my love into her. I would have normally agreed with you and asked the same question, but I recalled a lesson I got in my 7th grade class about the start of Valentines Day and I researched it a little bit on the internet and realized that it wasn’t always a commercial holiday. I guess there is no sole reason why something has to be done on Valentine’s Day other than the fact that she has not had a good Valentine’s Day in any of her past relationships and I don’t want her to feel left out. For married couples and those who have been in relationships for a long time, there is probably a mutual understanding that stands between each other to celebrate your love a different day, but again for those who lack that spark making sign of love, why not do something special for her?
You guys are fabulous! Check out this video of Nat King Cole singing “Mona Lisa”. I’ve already had myself fitted to get a remake of this suit:
February 14, 2012 at 5:08 am #748132
smyParticipantDannyQ,
You are a gal’s dreamboat. Listen to your gut and quit asking questions. You don’t need to. You already got it all covered in a really true way.
Have a wonderful Valentine’s with your girlfriend!
S
(To a couple of you on this thread,I will shoot you both…and not with cupid’s arrow…just cause you’re such complete butthheads!)
February 14, 2012 at 3:41 pm #748133
JiggersMemberAnd I’m not SMY?….LoL Women find me to challenging. Most women can’t handle me. They have no clue what to expect. You won’t change me that’s for sure.
February 14, 2012 at 4:21 pm #748134
JoBParticipantjiggers…
happy valentines day
for all your bluster you are really just a little teddy bear…
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