Ugly Four Letter Word

[JoB]

Kayleigh2…

all you need to do to get a satisfying career is go back to school.. invest in coaching.. find a mentor.. and do your best.

i am afraid that advice is about as accurate… and still as useless to you… as eat less and exercise more… is to me…

i haven’t given up… but i am not helped by people or weight loss groups who don’t understand that i.. and other people like me… are dealing with a complex problem that doesn’t yield to simple answers…

I have already found the simple answers and used them to get where i am…

what i need now is support in finding the more complicated options…

just as those struggling to find the right place to put their talents to work have probably already done what they can about education, coaching and finding a good mentor.

That doesn’t mean any of us should quit trying… or that we should turn down opportunities to find new opportunities for assistance…

but neither should we beat our heads against the same brick wall and expect the outcome to be any different.

nor should we assume that anyone else struggling isn’t already doing what they can to remedy the situation…

I never said i was giving up Kayleigh..

just that i was struggling to find a program that would temper it’s expectations to my reality…

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[Kayleigh2]

Jan, Jo, I have an idea. You should change nothing. I mean–nothing. Don’t eat differently or less. Don’t increase your activity at all. You are helpless to change your situation. Here is all my sympathy and hugs. I’m so sorry that I thought for a brief moment there was hope and that as a fit and healthy person who has overcome injuries and illness and is still fit and healthy, that I could have had a suggestion that might help. I was so wrong.

Do you feel better now? Did you lose any weight?

I made reasonable suggestions to Jo, which she doesn’t like and/or can’t do. I said several times that people need to find what works for them and that it’s not easy and that I have my own struggles. I’m sorry that you find that insulting—frankly, that’s a curiously defensive stance.

This is the experience I often have with people who want to lose weight. I should not have bothered to respond at all.

ETA: You both have met me and know that I *did* mean well and that your responses are not cool.

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[Ken]

Well. I got a new deep fryer for Christmas so I am backing out of this thread real slow….

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[Jo]

Please be advised that the Jo that kayleigh2 mentions in her posts IS NOT ME!

I’m 5′, and was 30 lbs overweight. And boy, I didn’t feel good.

Finally decided I had to do something. I never used the word DIET, because that freaked me out and I thought set me up for failure.

I decided to try and eat sensibly. 3 meals a day (at least), tried not to skip meals, read the numbers on foods, cut out the amount of salt I was consuming, and the calories, and just basically pay attention to what I put in my mouth.

It took 6 months, but I took off 25 lbs. That was a year ago, and I’ve taken off 5 more so have lost the 30 that I was overweight. I tried not to be impatient, and wasn’t.

I feel so much better, much more energy, and had to buy new clothes. Yeaaaah!

I know my way probably wouldn’t work for everyone, but it sure did for me.

Jo Ofsthus

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[Jo]

And Weight Watchers is an excellent program.

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[Sue]

LOL, Ken! I got one for Christmas about 20 years ago. I was 25, living on my own, and for a month my entire diet consisted of anything I could deep fry – fries, eggrolls, mozzarella sticks . . . let’s not even talk about how much weight I gained that month on stuff I don’t even normally buy. That’s when the deep fryer got thrown out! :)

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[JanS]

Kayleigh…you presume to think that we are “giving up” and prefer to do nothing. It’s individual for each of us. The insulting part, to me, anyway, is the lecture that you give. Do you think we’re oblivious to our weight? Do you think that we’re not smart enough to figure it out ourselves? Do you think that maybe, just maybe, I work with a woman who is a nutritionist to help me with a diabetic diet? Do you think that we’re not quite equal because we don’t have the “knowledge” or “willpower” that you have? I doubt, knowing you, that you think any of those things. But…the reality of life is that there are many, many people in the world (who are size 4-6, by the way..or size 10, or whatever) who think that we just don’t know how to push away from the table, that we’re somehow to be looked down upon because we weigh more than the “norm” whatever the heck that may be.

And therein lies my little rant in my above post. Some overweight people find it insulting to be lectured to by someone who really doesn’t have a weight problem, or who doesn’t know the ins and outs of the persons circumstances. And lecturing you were, no matter how you look at it. I know you, and I know you mean well. I disagree with what you say, or at least how you say it. You’re the expert for you…and that’s great. We will be the experts for us, and try to be as healthy as we can be. Give us enough credit to do that. I truly don’t mean to offend you, as I know you don’t mean to offend me or JoB.

Sue…I find it hard to believe that there are still deep fryer’s on the market. I fry nothing…even my “fries”(usually sweet potatoes,yams)are baked in my oven. Oh, for some good greasy fried chicken…can’t even remember the last time I had that. Ken? When’s dinner? lol….

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[JoB]

i have a deep fryer somewhere in one of those boxes in the garage.. it is one of the things destined for a garage sale if i ever get them sorted out… it has been for years.

i don’t think… eat less exercise more… is bad advice.. i just know from the experience of someone who is chronically ill, unable to exercise and has metabolic challenges… that sometimes that particular advice doesn’t work out quite as well as one would hope.

and yes, weight watchers is a terrific program. my daughter-in-law has lost at least 50 pounds and counting.

She also works out like a whirling dervish. If i could work out like that, my only weight problem would be how to gain weight.

i even like the idea of prepackaged food programs.. but can’t handle the additives most of them put in your food to help you along.

Every diet works for someone.

my best weight control option is to up the amount of coca cola, stop eating and take massive amounts of Excedrin… followed by muscle relaxants at night. i bop around like the energizer bunny and get lots done… until i crash… for months.. during which i also lose weight…

but i don’t think that program is either sustainable or healthy so i am not recommending it.. especially for healthy people ;~>

I am disturbed by this assumption that if you are overweight you must not be watching what you put into your mouth… that you aren’t trying.

I also find it disturbing that stating such a thing would cause anyone to assume that i, or anyone else, am just opting out and quitting on themselves.

if i assumed the same thing about anyone else on any other subject… there would be no question that i was being insulting.

Why give the subject of weight a free pass? it’s ok to insult me or anyone else just because we are talking about weight loss?

I don’t think so…

but,if it is..

i am going to have a great time for the next week every time anyone says anything i think is pretty stupid…

bet you didn’t know that i have been holding my tongue ;(

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[JanS]

and, yes, Jo, WW is a great program, and isn’t difficult to do. It is supportive, even if using the online program; a very sensible eating program that can help one develop lifetime good eating habits. It taught me to read labels, every damned one of them, and I’ll never stop. And, it can be an excellent eating program for a diabetic.

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[JoB]

Ken,

will you make us all deep fired ice cream?

i don’t want to eat it.. it will be enough to stand by and salivate while someone else enjoys it.

oh. those were the days.. when i could eat anything and couldn’t gain weight if i wanted to…

of course i never sat down and if i did i was still constantly moving some body part…

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[JoB]

JanS..

my biggest challenge right now is to avoid becoming a diabetic… i have a huge family history and metabolic challenges:(

but i also have to take some weight off these joints and my feet if i want to keep walking..

i tried the wheelchair gig once and even with all those really cool chairs they have now… even if i’d be a lot faster and could do more… i’d still rather hurt like h… and walk.

the only consolation if i end up back in a chair again is that i will be able to buy cute shoes again.. maybe even stilettos…

i’d want to be skinny for that ;-0

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[Kayleigh2]

It works both ways, Jan. My whole life–I mean my WHOLE life–I have been insulted by various overweight people, most of whom weren’t willing to do a fraction of what I did/do to stay fit.

I used to get called “skinny” (that’s an insult too), anorexic, “too thin”, etc. I got told things like “you are so lucky” and “you must have a really high metabolism”. I have always watched what I ate and *always* been active. I now work out about 9 hours a week. I eat NO fried food, no beef, no pork, little sugar other than chocolate, NO sugar sodas, very little alcohol, and no fast food other than Taco Time.

I think our society does hold women to unreasonable weight standards and I doubt that I will ever be a size 4 again.

I don’t appreciate being jumped on for making reasonable suggestions. You can decide what to do with them, including ignoring them if they don’t work for you, but don’t assume the worst about me, please.

Jeez Louise.

ETA: I have no idea how you all would be insulted by the phrase “I don’t want to see anybody give up.” How does this translate as “You aren’t watching what you put in your mouth and you lack willpower and I am better than you.”? Give me a break.

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[angelescrest]

Kayleigh,

What kind of working out? I love to swim, but I haven’t swum (?) since we move here two and a half years ago. I ride every day; run occasionally. What’s worked for you?

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[WSMom]

I was really good about working out, but I’ve gotten out of the habit. I’m feeling a New Year’s resolution coming on. I got sick of All Star Fitness, so now I’m free to start something new. Anyone else out there interested in meeting up for a 9:00 am workout (after dropping kids off at school)?

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[JanS]

Kayleigh…then don’t assume that we are giving up. No one ever said that we are. We’re well aware of things involving our health, probably moreso than some. And let’s get this out of the way now…thinner does not necessarily translate to healthier. We all know about the Jim Fixx’s of the world.

And, yes, I do know that there is a challenge for those who are thin. My daughter did her senior project in highschool on how the media portrays young women. She polled all of the students, both male and female. The female responses were interesting…even thin girls saying that they perceived themselves as too heavy, and therefore not as attractive (understand that : HEAVIER translated into LESS ATTRACTIVE). Our society has placed a great deal of emphasis on the outward appearances, and done great harm to many women’s self-esteem. So, we’re all judged – not for what’s inside, for our intelligence,our kindness, our talents, etc., but because of how we look. No one has the right to judge another person that way…not you, not me, not anyone. What’s a girl to do?

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[JoB]

kayleigh2..

from the point of view of someone who has to take a nap after taking her dogs for a 15 minute flat walk.. being able to work out 9 hours a week looks like an incredible blessing.

i would love to be able to do that. i could once and i miss it more than i can say.

but if you work out 9 hours a week and still have to watch every morsel you put in your mouth…

imagine what it is like for someone who can’t work out at all.. and whose metabolic deck is stacked against them to start with.. and who takes medications that just add to the problem.

Moving more and eating less will help… but when you are basically eating just enough calories to keep yourself from getting sicker and are still struggling… eating less isn’t going to make that much impact.. in fact, eating less could just slow your metabolism down to the point where you lose nothing.

if real exercise isn’t an option.. and it isn’t an option for many of us… it can get pretty hard to lose one pound, let alone the 10 or 20 or 30 or.. that most of us would like to lose.

I get really cranky when people give me “that look” for my bottle of coke.. assuming that if i just gave that up i would be thin.

if i gave that up right now i wouldn’t be able to get out of my house at all.. that coke is what it takes for me to be able to do that 15 minute walk with the pups.. and not that often for the last six weeks or so either…

and that is the real reason.. along with a little holiday indulgence … that i am at the top end of my weight scale right now.

If i could get a runner’s high i would be thin. if i could get a dancers high i would be thin. if i could even walk a mile without paying a terrifying price for it as soon as i taper off the pain meds.. i would be thin.

i was thin before my illness put me in bed for years at a time.

i would give anything to walk in your shoes for just one day… to exercise 9 hours and watch every calorie i consume.

after all, i am watching them now.. tho treating myself occassionally.. and i still don’t get to move like you do.

it is unlikely that i will ever be really thin again unless i get really ill.. in which case i probably won’t survive to enjoy the weight loss.

my story is only one… of a million tales… that make it even harder for some of us to lose weight than it is for you to maintain yours.

And i am one of the lucky ones.. i have been able to keep my weight just shy of obesity… and THAT hasn’t been easy. I know people who struggle more than i do with less result.

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[JoB]

WS mom.. i could come watch. maybe i would work up enough sweat just getting there that i would lose a pound or two ;-)

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[Jo]

About 15 years ago a co-worker and I went to Weight Watchers. I then was about 25 lbs overweight. We worked downtown and went to a noon meeting in the Medical Dental building.

I did well on WW, lost all the weight in the recommended amount of time. I did best in the structured WW program by going to the weekly meeting in person. After losing the weight, I quit going to the meetings and over a period of 4-5 years slowly put all the weight back on. And kept it on for quite a few years.

I think having gone to WW way back then gave me the knowledge that if I could do it then, I probably could do it now.

So, that’s the mindset I entered my ‘eating plan’ a year and a half ago. That’s why I think I was again successful in taking the 30 lbs off.

Now to keep it off. I’m continuing to be very conscious of what I eat, though not paranoid. Although I do have to admit, on my birthday, Dec 24th, after having been housebound for however long because of snow, my friend drove me to Safeway and I got some of Safeway’s FRIED CHICKEN, JO-JO’s and FRIED ONION RINGS. (Yes, JanS, I did)

Sinfully delicious.

But, I don’t think I’ll do that again for a long time.

I now know what works for me in maintaining my weight. I hope I didn’t make it sound too simple, because it wasn’t.

I was just so tired of being sick and tired all the time.

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[JoB]

ok.. maybe we should divide into appropriate weight loss groups…

if the metabollically and exercise challenged will just step to the front of the room.. on the far side… away from the door…

btw… If you are questioning whether you belong in this group.. a handicapped parking sticker is a good sign that you belong with us..

Those who exercise like whirling dervishes can move to the back of the room.. there will be plenty of room there to maintain constant motion.

Those who were on the exercise wagon and need to get back on can move to the middle of the room where you can be inspired to join those in the back of the room.

and those thinking weight watchers or some other online or group mediated program sounds like a good place to start can line up right in front of the door.

if you move quickly, you might be able to beat the exercisers out the door on your way to the nearest coffee shop to buzz up and form a plan.

Those in the mid room should get enough of a head start not to get trampled on their way to the nearest exercise program…

and those in the back can run in place for a minute to give them a clear shot out the door to start their run to the farthest gym.

Those with me will wait quietly in the corner till the room clears and then take the nearest minivan to a quiet non-judgmental coffee/tea/house where we can discuss our options and offer one another support:)

can we talk about snow now… that was four letter word enough for me:(

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[angelescrest]

Jo,

What exercise did you do along with the eating? If someone says, “Oh, that whatchamacallit at the Y really tones”, I am game to try that watchamacallit. I haven’t been to the Y since the summer.

And, JoB, I am sorry–I hear the frustration, and I never take my own health for granted.

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[Jo]

Angelscrest – I’m a lousy exerciser – like getting down on the floor and rolling around. Just can’t/don’t do it.

I still work about 28 hours a week (am 71 years old) but mostly sit at computer all day.

So, basically my exercise consists of walking. I live on Alki, so have good opportunity to walk here. Some days I do more than other days, and in winter not so much. I’m not very regimented in any sort of exercise regime. Just try to get out when I can.

When I was going to WW 15 years ago, walking was the only exercise that was stressed. We got little tennis shoe stickers for a certain amount of walking per week. Ah, those coveted tennis shoe stickers.

If the gym is your thing, do it. I imagine a personal trainer there could guide you in what would be best for you. And along with a good simple eating program – watching portions, calories, sodium, lots of protein, less carbs – I think it’s inevitable weight should come off. I didn’t set myself up to fail by placing any expectations on how much I would lose in a certain amount of time. I think that’s when people become discouraged and quit. My weight was slow coming off, but that was alright, and has been easy to keep off so far.

I’m sorry I haven’t set more of an example on the exercise front, but I’m basically lazy.

Jo

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[Cait]

I found that Weight Watchers really messed me up because I got on the program early in life (14) and it didn’t teach me anything about how to eat properly – only how to “budget”. Something I know how to do with money and not food. I liked South Beach a lot more and it was a lot more manageable for my life. When I need that boost to get going on a weight loss jag though I lean on Weight Watchers. Luckily their “core food plan” is basically South Beach!

I’m 5’4″ and close to 195 pounds and I’ve just decided that I’m going to feel damn good about myself anyway. My one and only goal for this year: take care of my health all around. I can’t fool myself into thinking this is just about diet. It’s about exercising to feel better instead of eating to feel better. And taking long bubble baths with various good books and finding other ways to feel good besides eating (an adventure I’m looking forward to) and not worrying so much about every day crap that makes me want to eat comfort food. Those are things I can get excited about. Dieting? Not so much I’m afraid.

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[JoB]

angelescrest… thanks.

i may have gotten a little testy. it’s a sore spot.

Jo.. good for you.

Cait.. i think you have the right attitude…

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[Kayleigh2]

Angelscrest, THANK YOU for being a voice of sanity in this thread and thank you for asking.

I build walking into my day–that means at least 120 minutes of walking a week, usually in 20 minute chunks to and from the bus stops.

I am deliberately inefficient–walking up the stairs when I could take the elevator, walking around the office to use the restroom, getting up to talk to somebody at the office when I could email them, etc.

When it’s not dark, I run about 2 miles in my neighborhood (I can’t see in the dark).

When it’s dark out, I work out inside—it’s more efficient and less expensive than going to a gym. I have a jump rope, a balance ball, and a step. I do some combination of step/floor aerobics (remembered from my gym rat days) or I interval train with the jump rope and weights on most nights of the week.

One key to killing calories is intense cardio, even if only for a minute or so at a time–for me on the jump rope or on a 30-second sprint.

I do lots of ab work on the balance ball and try for twice a week with 5-pound hand weights on my triceps and biceps. I have lighter weights and tubing for the rest of my upper body because my neck will spasm if I push it too hard.

I think the key is to set yourself up for success, not for failure. If you love the gym and have the time to go 5 days a week, great. If you have limited time and hate the stairmaster or are uncomfortable in exercise classes, DON’T join a gym. I hate getting my face wet and can’t stand the smell of chlorine—needless to say, I don’t swim. :)

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[Jo]

Oh, and I almost forgot.

Lots and lots of water!

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[Author]

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