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September 25, 2014 at 3:40 pm #813910
PibalParticipantA retired airline pilot shows up at the pearly gates. St. Peter looks him up and hands him a silk robe, a gold staff, and says “Welcome to heaven!”
Next in line is an archbishop. St.Peter checks his roster and hands him a cotton robe, a wooden staff, and says “Welcome to heaven”
The archbishop can’t help but notice the difference and says to St.Peter, “I don’t get it. I devoted my life in service to follow your example. Why does the airline pilot get the better perks?”
St. Peter says, “It’s simple really. While you were preaching, people were sleeping. While he was flying, people were praying.”
September 25, 2014 at 3:41 pm #813911
PibalParticipantA retired airline pilot shows up at the pearly gates. St. Peter looks him up and hands him a silk robe, a gold staff, and says “Welcome to heaven!”
Next in line is an archbishop. St.Peter checks his roster and hands him a cotton robe, a wooden staff, and says “Welcome to heaven.”
The archbishop can’t help but notice the difference and says to St.Peter, “I don’t get it. I devoted my life in service to follow your example. Why does the airline pilot get the better perks?”
St. Peter says, “It’s simple really. While you were preaching, people were sleeping. While he was flying, people were praying.”
September 26, 2014 at 11:33 pm #813912
waynsterParticipantCheck out the what happen to King Kong lol……
September 26, 2014 at 11:54 pm #813913
CageyKGParticipantSeptember 27, 2014 at 5:23 pm #813914
seaopgalParticipantHaHa x a bunch! Hope other people are enjoying these as much as I am.
Mike, re. #24: Are those yours? Sounds like a stand-up routine!
You’ve probably all heard about the Zen master who walks up to the hot-dog stand and says, “Make me one with everything.”
September 27, 2014 at 5:41 pm #813915
miwsParticipantseaopgal, yeah, those are mine. :-)
I was unusually inspired in the shower the other morning, and they just came to me. :-D
Mike
September 27, 2014 at 6:44 pm #813916
seaopgalParticipantSo, I was right: You were standing-up (I assume) and your shower is a routine (I assume) :) Great job!
September 27, 2014 at 7:11 pm #813917
miwsParticipantYes! And thanks! :-)
That works out much better, than my one attempt at Stand-Up Comedy in public.
It was probably 25 or so years ago, at Open Mic, at T.R. Garrity’s (now Admiral Pub).
Don’t remember the joke I told, or tried to tell, but I bombed.
Oh, and the Abbott & Costello bit in #16, came to me in the shower on that day.
Whenever I hear the World Health Organization mentioned on the news, I automatically think “WHO?“, so decided to apply it to an A&C Routine.
Mike
September 28, 2014 at 3:19 pm #813918
KenParticipantThe rest of the story…
“You’ve probably all heard about the Zen master who walks up to the hot-dog stand and says, “Make me one with everything.” “
He gives the vendor a 20 and a few minutes later says “Where’s my change?” The vendor replies “Change must come from within”
September 28, 2014 at 3:38 pm #813919
waynsterParticipantalas the mountain guru.. the Einstein theory.. fall and why we need denture cream ……lol
http://www.gocomics.com/nonsequitur/2014/09/16
http://www.gocomics.com/nonsequitur/2014/09/04
September 29, 2014 at 12:41 am #813920
JayDeeParticipantA Great Dane walks into a bar, and standing on his hind legs, and resting the front legs on the bar he asks the Bartender for a beer.
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“We don’t serve your kind here, now git”
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“I want an beer, bartender…”
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At which point the bartender whips out a pistol and shoots towards the Great Dane, winging him, and the dog runs away limping and howling.
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The next day the Great Dane returns to the bar,wearing a black hat, a pistol, and a bandage around his right front foot. He sidles up to the bar and as before stands on his hind legs, with his bandaged foot atop the bar. Another bartender, more welcoming that the last, asks him what he wants.
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“I’m looking for the man who shot my paw…”
September 29, 2014 at 2:38 am #813921
pelicansParticipantA length of manila line walks into a bar, hops up on a stool, and says to the bartender, “Gimme a beer!” The bartender takes one look and says condescendingly “We’re a classy joint and we don’t serve ROPE!” The little guy leaves in a huff. Another day and the rope marches in, hops up on the stool, pounds the bar and demands a beer. Same bartender as before and he sneers “I told you shorty, you’re rope–we still don’t serve your kind and you’ll have to leave!” Fully miffed, he leaves the bar, wanders into the alley, and then it comes to him. He reaches up, ties a loop up on top and frazzles the end. He goes back into the bar, up on the stool, slaps the bar and says “Barkeep! How ’bout a beer!” The barman turns around and says “You again. How many times do I have to tell ya, we don’t serve ROPE!” Shorty sputters and exclaims “…But..but…I’m a frayed knot!”
September 29, 2014 at 10:09 pm #813922
seaopgalParticipantOh, haha, this has taken an excellent turn!
Daniel Boone walked into a bar. Then he kilt it.
September 30, 2014 at 9:16 am #813923
metrognomeParticipantdid you hear about the country-western singer who developed a severe allergy to sweet carbohydrates? She wrote a song about her experience and it hit #1 … ‘Donuts Make My Brown Eyes Blue’.
After he became a Hollywood star, Roy Rogers had Tony Lama make him a pair of custom cowboy boots (imitation leather, of course) to wear around his Montana ranch. They were his pride and joy. However, his wife, Dale Evans, made him take them off before he came in the house. He got up early one morning to do some cowboy kinda things and discovered that a cougar had gnawed his boots so badly that he couldn’t wear them. Mutterin’ under his breath (his contract didn’t allow him to cuss), he saddled Trigger and went off in a huff in search of this ravenous beast. Just as he tracked the feline to it’s lair, the Sons of the Pioneers rode up behind him and sang, ‘Pardon Me Roy, Is That The Cat Who Chewed Your New Shoes?’ The cat, alerted by the harmonious noise, scarpered off, never to be seen again.
September 30, 2014 at 2:40 pm #813924
miwsParticipantOctober 1, 2014 at 4:45 pm #813925
miwsParticipantOctober 7, 2014 at 4:27 pm #813926
miwsParticipantPeople in Seattle, and environs are well-known for being Passive-Aggressive; neighbor’s dog/cat craps in your flowerbed, or on your lawn, YOU park your car in “MY” parking spot on the street, YOUR leaves are falling on my lawn.
The above is not a dialogue directly between the affected neighbors, it’s what the complainant posts online, what they might mention to other neighbors, or anyone, in the neighborhood, or not.
Yes, being Passive-Aggressive may have its faults, I fully admit to avoiding confrontation myself, some may even think of being P-A as being cowardly.
But, I gotta say, I’d rather be thought of as cowardly, rather than handling disputes in an outright violent manner, as neighbors in Australia apparently do:
Mike
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