Home › Forums › Open Discussion › Bully issues at Madison Middle School?
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March 1, 2015 at 10:33 pm #816865
mom2boysParticipantMy son is being bullied at Madison and we have run up against a road block of “no witness” to get the perp caught and punished. Even though its happened at the lunch hour where there is adult supervision and plenty of other students. Shocked to learn they do not have ANY cameras in the school. Have been dealing with this issue now for several years as my older son was also a Madison student and had similar issues.
Have not been impressed at all with teacher or admin response. My elder son had a death threat written and passed to him in class…3 separate teachers told him to throw it away. With my youngest the admin sent an email to all teachers about a no contact order and to keep an eye out for issues and its not helped at all. I sent an email to all teachers with a plea for help and only one replied.
Wondering if our family is a one off or if this is a wide spread issue. Wondering if it would do any good for parents of bullied kids to get together and discuss and see if we have common issues that we could then take to school board.
Thoughts?
March 2, 2015 at 4:07 am #822399
RaincityParticipantIf your schedule allows it, maybe attend lunch when this is happening? You don’t have to sit with your son, but you could hang out in the area above the lunch room. The bully might not know what you look like. Could you sit in on some of his classes? Call his teachers and talk to them? Call the admin/principal. Show up at 7:15 am when the front office opens and ask to speak with Mr McDonald, Mr Gary etc. Write a letter to Israel Vela and copy Dr Gary and Mr McDonald. My daughter has not been bullied but was harassed by an older male student. It helps to be present if possible and copy others when you write emails it helps keep the pressure on. Keep reaching up the chain of command. Get a copy of their bullying policy and call them on it if they are not enforcing it.
March 2, 2015 at 5:03 am #822400
JeannieParticipantI agree with Raincity’s advice, and I wish I could add some more advice. But I don’t have kids. Don’t most schools have an anti-bullying program? And, while I have a great admiration for teachers, how can they consider this behavior acceptable? Studies have shown that bullying can do lasting damage. Being bullied doesn’t make you “tougher” or better able to face life’s challenges. Since when is sending a death threat acceptable? What if a person got a death-threat note from a co-worker at their job? No one would put up with that. Good-natured teasing is one thing – if it’s a two-way street, but bullying is an entirely different matter.
March 2, 2015 at 3:46 pm #822401
BonnieParticipantSo sorry you are dealing with this. Have you talked to anybody in administration? I don’t know who exactly you would talk to but I would think maybe the Principal’s boss? Years ago it was someone named Aurora Lora and then she left and someone else took the spot then she left and someone else took it! (Typical of SPS)
Our son goes to Denny and we have been more than happy. But of course, we haven’t had problems like this so I can’t compare. Good luck! I would be very upset if I were in your shoes also.
March 2, 2015 at 6:48 pm #822402
pattileaParticipantI really am sorry this is happening to your child. my son had a bully and when school didn’t help, I went right to the family. I saw the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. I finally got school security involved, and it was handled! Our lucky day when he was finally suspended from school!! Don’t stop helping your child, make it known to everyone that you will not tolerate it. Make yourself present at school.
March 2, 2015 at 8:15 pm #822403
dcnParticipantCheck out the school’s bullying policy, and see where it has not been implemented with regard to your son. Then take it up the chain of command with as much documentation as you are able to put together.
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I do not think you being in the lunch room will help, since enough students will know who you are and word will spread, which might make matters worse for your son (outside the lunchroom). The school should have staff in the lunchroom, and the staff should be notified of the bullying issues and what your son and the bullies look like, so they can be on a lookout for your son and any bullying he might face.
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Bullying is cause for a lawsuit against the school district, and they will be sure to not let it get that far if you are persistent and do not let the issue slide.
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I speak as both a teacher and the Mom of a son who was bullied. The school had people posted outside during recess (when most of the bullying happened) to watch my son and any encounters he had with the bully. Anytime something happened, I was notified by either the teacher or the principal, with information about what they were going to do about it. A “no contact” type of behavior contract was put into place with the bully, and eventually, things died down.
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I’m appalled that any teacher would have told your son to throw away a note. Any notes I’ve ever been shown with threats on them have gone immediately to an administrator, and I’ve filled out an incident report.
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Good luck.
March 2, 2015 at 10:07 pm #822404
mom2boysParticipantI’ve met with Vice Principle, the school Administrator and the school councilor….more then once. A non contact order has been in place since Dec. and violated numerous times but each time magically there are just no witnesses and its my sons word against his bully. NO witness at lunch even. Really?
Communication has been terrible between the school administration and the teachers.
Last week I switched my sons lunch so he at least gets a break from him there.
It may just be time to look at a lawyer at this point.
March 2, 2015 at 11:39 pm #822405
BonnieParticipantI wouldn’t hesitate to call a lawyer. I don’t have a suggestion as to who to call. Maybe somebody here does. Good luck!
March 3, 2015 at 3:38 am #822406
RaincityParticipantI agree with many of the advice given here, but also make sure you try to call Dr Gary the principal. Then start moving up the chain of command and be able to give dates and times when you’ve contacted people and what has happened. Israel Vela is in charge of SW Seattle schools and I would contact him as well.(206) 252-0396. You can also file a complaint here
or call (206) 252-0510.
March 4, 2015 at 5:37 am #822407
Arbor Heights PeacefulParticipantI would advise you to contact the Seattle Public Schools: What is the District Ombudsman?
The District Ombudsman serves as an independent liaison to assist SPS parents and community members in helping to resolve problems, complaints, conflicts, and other school-related issues when normal procedures have failed. The Ombudsman office does not have authority and can only make recommendations. Information will be kept confidential at your request.
Ronald I. McGlone District Ombudsman
2445 3rd Ave South
Seattle, WA 98124
phone: (206) 252-0529
fax: (206) 743-3000
March 4, 2015 at 5:39 am #822408
Arbor Heights PeacefulParticipantTry contacting the SPS Ombuds office
Ronald I. McGlone District Ombudsman
2445 3rd Ave South
Seattle, WA 98124
phone: (206) 252-0529
fax: (206) 743-3000
The District Ombudsman serves as an independent liaison to assist SPS parents and community members in helping to resolve problems, complaints, conflicts, and other school-related issues when normal procedures have failed. The Ombudsman office does not have authority and can only make recommendations. Information will be kept confidential at your request.
March 4, 2015 at 6:36 am #822409
addParticipantThis is an extreme step, but have you considered transferring your son to Denny or Pathfinder K-8? The worst thing in the world is having to send your kids into an environment every day where they don’t feel safe. Don’t let the system/bureaucracy wear you down. Do what you need to do to protect your kids!
March 4, 2015 at 8:39 pm #822410
linda08ParticipantWe had a similar situation at Madison a few years back. I went to directly to the bully and told him to stop. He did. He and my son later became friends. More recently my younger son was bullied at school. I took my concerns to the bully’s parent and to the bully and he stopped. They eat lunch together now.
TALK TO THE PARENT, TALK TO THE BULLY! Bullies can be everywhere, no matter what school.
March 4, 2015 at 9:01 pm #822411
trickycooljParticipantDon’t hesitate to call the Ombudsman. I had no idea such a position existed when I attended University of Washington until I had a very bizarre and unreasonable professor. Fellow students directed me to the Ombudsman when the department brushed off my concerns. The Ombudsman at UW was so kind and understanding and willing to go all of the extra miles to make sure myself and my classmates got an appropriate resolution to the issues we had. I wished I had gone to her sooner than fret about trying to navigate the giant system on my own. I would hope that the Ombudsman at SPS is similarly kind and helpful, it takes a very understanding person to fulfill such a roll.
March 4, 2015 at 9:13 pm #822412
proudpugetridgerParticipantHave you thought about enrolling the kid in one of the many self-defense, confidence building, programs we have here? Lee’s Martial Arts, for example, would provide physical, mental, and even spiritual growth opportunities for the young man. They successfully teach respect, restraint and community involvement. The program also inherantly teaches self-defense techniques that would eliminate the problem of being bullied by anyone! Mom won’t be there forever, give him the tools to succeed on his own merit.
March 6, 2015 at 11:02 pm #822413
mom2boysParticipantHad a meeting yesterday. All teachers invited according to the school councilor putting it together.
2 of the 6 teachers showed up. Then 5 minutes before we were done a 3rd teacher who happened to walk by and see us popped in…she had no clue this meeting was happening. Again communication there is horrid.
The two teachers that showed up had no idea there was a no contact order in place. Despite the VP and myself sending an email. One teacher expressed she doesn’t even know what a no contact order really means and because, when she is told of them, there are no photos of the kids attached she really doesn’t know who even has the no contact order.
The 3rd teacher who popped in is the one who is in charge of all three lunches so had she known about the no contact order maybe the last incident would have had at least ” a witness”.
I am going to contact the ombudsmen. I had no idea the school had one!
I called two lawyers they say we have no case till he is actually physically harmed or physically harms himself. Guess all this emotional turmoil is worth nothing.
March 7, 2015 at 1:53 am #822414
linda08ParticipantOnce again I hope you end up getting together with the family and the bully. I really think this is the best solution. The school is responsible yes, but this is a community and assuming this bully and his family are a part of it I would hope a conversation directly with them will turn this around.
March 7, 2015 at 3:08 am #822415
steveParticipantI’m sorry this is happening to you mom2boys. I just want to mention that talking to the family doesn’t always work! You might need to feel that out first. We had a situation at a local elementary school with our daughter where we thought maybe talking to the parent would be better than approaching to the teacher. Bad idea. The parent accused my partner of lying, wanted to know if we had witnessed it, and thought we had brought it up previously (we hadn’t but led me to believe this had occurred before). Just not a good idea for us. Please contact the ombudsman!
March 11, 2015 at 1:52 am #822416
herongrrrlParticipantI found the VP and counselors at Madison to be completely worthless while my daughter was there (within the past 3 years). My efforts to communicate with the principal were also ignored. I was dealing with IEP issues, not bullying, and found a great ally in the school psychologist, who is not full-time but you might want to talk with her about this too. She is down to earth and understands reality in a way few school administrative staff seem to. Also, the school nurse may have some ideas, she is incredible. It sounds like this may have escalated to the point where it would not be safe or effective for your son to stand up to the bully in a compassionate way and get positive results (I have seen that work before, so often a bully is acting from a place of insecurity and friendly gestures may be received with suspicion at first but may lead to real friendship)…only you know the circumstances here. It might be worth a try and it might be more than is reasonable to expect of your son if he is already traumatized. Do talk to the ombudsman, but I will say that my experience with SPS administration at all levels leaves much to be desired. The teachers are usually the ones to work with directly (and as you can see, they often don’t have any idea). You may find allies in the PTSA, too. Best of luck to you.
March 12, 2015 at 2:48 am #822417
kayoParticipantSo frustrating. I’ve actually spoken to the school district ombudsman for a totally different issue and found him to be kind and helpful. I would definitely give him a call. At Pathfinder (where my kids go) we also had an excellent speaker from http://www.teenwiseseattle.com who came and spoke at our PTA meeting back in September. She spoke to bullying issues for both boys and girls and had really specific action steps for parents and kids. She also has a list of web resources on her website. Worth checking out. At any rate, I hope you can get some action from the school to help your son and get this to stop.
May 21, 2015 at 6:43 pm #822418
mom2boysParticipantAn update:
After trying everything mentioned above, thank you for all the suggestions…. We decided to pull my son from Madison to be taught at home. The final incident sent us over the edge. While filming for a school project my son caught the bully harassing a group of students he was in and although it is clearly against the schools own bully rules and it was on film they still refused to do anything except “investigate”. They felt because my son was part of the group and the rest of the group was not upset about the incident it wasn’t a breach of the no contact order in place.
So, we pulled him.
I have since learned this bully also targets a kid in a wheelchair.
We are considering legal action in hopes to get policy changed.
Please leave a message below if your child is also being harassed at Madison, I’d like to set up a future coffee meeting with parents to discuss our options.
May 21, 2015 at 7:02 pm #822419
RarelyEverParticipantA few years ago I did exactly what you’re doing, mom2boys – I pulled my son out of Madison and home-schooled him until high school. The bullying was subtle but emotionally devastating to my child, and after visiting with the school’s staff several times and putting a 504 (and later an IEP) together for him, I realized that no one was going to put a stop to it. He ended up going to NOVA, and loved it – the environment there is incredibly supportive, and he just blossomed. :)
May 22, 2015 at 2:54 am #822420
BonnieParticipantI’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this Mom2boys. Is he going to HS next year or still in MS? We have been extremely happy at Denny. Have you thought of transferring him next year? Or maybe Pathfinder?
May 22, 2015 at 2:22 pm #822421
pattileaParticipantSTEM is also going to grade 8. I am so sorry, build your son up. Perhaps some sort of program over the summer, to make him feel on top of the world and in control.
The bully is probably a victim also, perhaps at home. when my son had a bully I saw the father was a bully too. Apple didn’t fall far from the tree.
best wishes to your family
May 22, 2015 at 3:02 pm #822422
BonnieParticipantIs STEM going to grade 8 next year? I thought it was only 6 next year and they were adding on.
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