Jogger attacked in Lincoln Park

[RAK]

This stuff really makes me mad and affects me personally. I am a single man in my late 50’s who relatively frequently jogs/power walks in Lincoln Park. I live in the area and am a good, safe, wonderful man. So now, whenever I am there or sometimes even elsewhere, women have to take a double look at me and potentially be fearful of me because of idiot criminals like this. Of course I have to get over it but, I get offended/hurt when I am looked at that way. Damn these guys.

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[hooper1961]

i think they caught the perpetrator; that is good and if guilty should be shown no mercy and put on a chain gang

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[ellenater]

RAK. I actually get where you are coming from. I run and hike sometimes in Lincoln Park and I do feel suspicious at times when alone and also bad for it. It’s good that you have the understanding. :)

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[JustSarah]

Really, it affects you personally? Look, I understand where you’re coming from, and it’s probably normal to think that way. I believe you when you say you’re a good guy, so don’t take this as a critique of you as a person.

However, a woman was attacked – no, multiple women have been attacked. Heck, women are attacked each day in this country for no reason other than they are women. We have to constantly be on the defensive, to be aware of what and who is around us. Please take a minute to think about that.

Your post says you’re mad. Great; I’m mad, too! But wait — you’re mad because people might think you could be the attacker. You didn’t say you’re mad that a woman was attacked. That’s a big problem.

You may be “offended/hurt” when you’re looked at suspiciously, but we women may be “hurt/dead” if we’re not suspicious. Please keep that in mind.

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[herongrrrl]

Well said, Sarah.

RAK, you certainly aren’t the first or only man to feel this way. If your anger about this is strong enough to translate into action to change the problem, here are some places to get started:

Men Against Violence Against Women

http://www.mavaw.org/index2.asp

Men Stopping Violence

http://www.menstoppingviolence.org/

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[DP]

herongrrl, correct me if I’m wrong, but the impression I got from the MAVAW site was that it was for men who actually are (or were) abusers, or who know an abuser.

I think you and SarahScoot are taking away the wrong message from RAK’s post. The way I see it, he’s actually trying to be supportive. Although he doesn’t come right out and say this, the implication from his comment is that violence against women hurts men too, by making all of us potential abusers in the eyes of women.

Maybe his wording wasn’t to your liking, but I think he already supports the cause . . .

—DP

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[KBear]

Yes, I don’t think RAK was trying to downplay the effects of this type of violence on women. He was just adding that it affects men, too. Calling his feelings invalid was unfair.

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[herongrrrl]

I was offering resources for the OP and others to learn more about the issue, which might help with understanding why it could be construed as belittling or offensive for a woman to hear that a man is offended and hurt that he might be perceived as an attacker.

DP, if you read the “about” page on the MAVAW site, you will see what they are about. Not what you described.

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[JustSarah]

I believe the OP has good intentions, but I guess I think of his post as akin to saying, “Slavery was bad because it made black people suspicious of white people.” It just… misses the point, in my opinion. Slavery was bad because it was an institutionalized and sanctioned egregious violation of human rights. Distrust of white people by black people is a side effect, but it’s trivializing to claim that distrust is as bad as slavery itself.

Similarly, women having to be suspicious and hyper-aware of their surroundings at all times is much more oppressing than a man having to deal with the occasional suspicious once-over.

It’s not wrong to lament the effect the problem has had on you as an individual. That said, if you express that view publicly, be prepared to be reminded that you are not the true victim in that situation.

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[datamuse]

Yeah, DP, I get that, but you know something? I’ve been looked at suspiciously AND I’ve been physically attacked, and I’ll take the former any day.

.

Fellas, if it really bothers you, do something about the root problem. The other half of the world’s population could use the help.

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[JustSarah]

FRO, datamuse! (I just made up that acronym; it shall stand for f’ing right on!)

And thank you, herongrrrl, for offering more information on the subject.

Thank you both for understanding where I’m coming from. I saw this post when it first went up last night, and was immediately compelled to reply, but didn’t for fear of being accused of being too sensitive. When I found myself thinking about it more this morning, I decided to just make my reply and brace for the backlash. It’s such a pleasant surprise to see that others feel the same way and see why the OP’s line of thinking could be problematic. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I’d love to buy you each a beer. :-)

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[anonyme]

I second the comments made by SarahScoot and datamuse. Not only have I been attacked in the past, but currently work in an isolated situation where there is criminal activity. My employer not only refuses to provide any protection, but will not even provide a communication device for emergencies. Yesterday I was told that if I feel unsafe I should just get another job.

I never feel bad that I feel suspicious. I feel bad that I have to.

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[Blend]

I wish people would just stop committing crimes all together so I wouldn’t have to go to jury duty. I mean..it would be great to go sit in a court all day and decide someones fate but it’s hard when I have to find care for my Chupacabra all day. And believe me it costs more than the $10 a day they give you for jury duty to have someone care for my Chupy properly. ugh!

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[KBear]

Look, OP wasn’t blaming the women who look at him suspiciously. (At least I don’t think he was.) He’s angry at the bad guys. Isn’t that where his anger should be directed? But if you’re going to trivialize his feelings about the matter, how can you expect any understanding or compassion from him or other men?

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[ellenater]

Thank you, KBear. Well said.

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[RAK]

Friends,

SarahScoot and herongrrrl,

I apologize for not stating the obvious. Women are the victims.

DP,

Thank You for seeing where I was coming from.

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[yes2ws]

Everyone knows the ill-effects a violent act has on the victim. Everyone knows the ill-feelings and fear it causes other women. But until RAK’s post, did everyone really know the ill-effects an act of this nature might have on an innocent man?

It baffles me that there was a need for a stating of the obvious from the OP. The words, “I’m a good, safe, wonderful man” sort of gave us an indication of his character.

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[datamuse]

Actually, yes2ws, I do. This is something I’ve discussed at some length with my husband and my male friends. I totally agree that it sucks to be treated as a potential threat by default simply because of your gender. It sucks to be treated in a certain way because of your gender, period, and I think that most people, regardless of their gender, know what that’s like.

And, now that a suspect has been identified, I think that RAK doesn’t have a whole lot to worry about. Thanks to WSB’s reporting, we know who the assailant is and what he looks like and have a specific individual to keep an eye out for.

My point, RAK and DP, is simply this: I can understand women who do think this way even though I don’t share their thinking, because women are still far more likely to be the targets of sexual violence than men (and if anyone thinks that that isn’t an accurate description of what happened in this instance, I invite you to go take a look at the coverage on the home page). It’s better than it used to be, but it could be better still.

My request, then, is that since you see how incidents like this affect you, you give us a hand in helping to prevent them.

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[angelescrest]

I think it was the use of the word “wonderful” that gave me pause. I’m sorry. I’m not sure what I’d want to hear, but “wonderful” throws me off, as I can hear the attacker saying the same things about himself (which I just did–basically).

I’m sure my college-student son may be viewed differently after this (should he take a run through L.P.), but it’s my daughters and their friends and mine and every other woman for whom I now feel a new notch of care/fear/unity.

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[LStephens]

angelscrest, so you want to compare Mr. RAK to the attacker because of his use of the word wonderful?!? Really??? Grossly unfair and quite a disservice to a person who simply expressed his feelings about the situation.

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[angelescrest]

No, it was the temrinology…it’s just not what I wanted to hear after all of this. It’s an odd term to use to describe oneself, and again–it made me pause–as I wanted to hear something more supportive about women/how women can be supported, etc. How’s the jogger/victim feeling?

You never run the same after this kind of thing, I know.

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[maplesyrup]

So datamuse what are you asking we do that we’re not already doing?

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[waterworld]

What can men do to help prevent violence against women? Maplesyrup, I think it’s a good question. As a woman, and someone who lives next to Lincoln Park and likes solitary walks, I confess my initial reaction to the OP was more like that of SarahScoot and datamuse. On reflection, it’s sad that both women and men suffer for the misconduct of one guy.

I did some thinking and looking around, and I came up with a few things that I think men, specifically, can do to help prevent violence against women. Here they are, in no particular order:

(1) Be a mentor to younger men and boys and teach them to respect the equality of women, to not degrade or objectify them, and to not abuse or tolerate abuse of women.

(2) Avoid enabling violence or abuse of women: speak up to family members, friends, or colleagues who reveal either outright abusive tendencies or who are overtly sexist, demeaning, or denigrating of women.

(3) Offer to escort women (at work, school, whatever) to their cars or to the bus stop, or offer a ride when it will help a woman avoid a dangerous walk somewhere. Some women don’t ask to be escorted even when they are anxious or fearful.

(4) Intervene personally when you see a woman being assaulted or harassed or verbally abused in public. Speak up to men on the street who are catcalling and harassing women as they walk by. Don’t ignore the verbal abuse that women receive on the street every single day.

(5) If you see a situation that requires intervention but you cannot intervene, call the police, wait until they arrive, and be available to give a report to the police. Get other people who saw the event to stay as well to talk to the police. It’s not always enough that the victim can identify her attacker; sometimes, independent witnesses are critically important.

(6) If you see a situation that is questionable — it looks a woman is about to get hit, but you are not sure — speak up anyway. Ask if she wants help, wants you to call someone, wants to be escorted somewhere safe. Better to offend people by interfering than to walk away when someone needed help but felt she could not say so.

(7) Educate yourself sufficiently about violence against women so that you can recognize situations in which a woman needs help but cannot speak up or cannot get herself away to a safer place.

(8) If a woman confides in you that she is being abused or stalked, help her get out of the house or get the right kind of assistance. If you know that a woman is being abused but she refuses to discuss it, give her emotional support and contact information for people or agencies and organizations that can help. Someday, she’ll use it.

(9) Don’t “go with the flow” when men you are hanging out with or working with are degrading or debasing women. If you’re out with your male friends and their behavior crosses the line from, say, flirtation to harassment, don’t ignore it. Tell them it needs to stop.

(10) Where you see abusive sexism or sexual violence in advertising or the media, let your money do the talking. Don’t buy products or media that are marketing with messages of sexual violence, degradation, or abuse.

(11) Do all the things you would do to confront any other issue of human rights or social injustice that you are concerned about. If you are someone who attends rallies, then look for and attend the rallies. If you write to editors, do that. If you have a blog, post comments.

(12) Donate to non-profit organizations that provide services and support to women who are victims of sexual violence, domestic abuse, or stalking and harassment. Some of the local organizations — off the top of my head — are King County Sexual Assault Resource Center (KCSARC), the Harborview Center for Sexual Assault Traumatic Stress, Northwest Women’s Law Center, King County Coalition Against Domestic Violence, the Sexual Violence Law Center, and the Domestic Abuse Women’s Network (DAWN).

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[RAK]

First, my apology should have been to all women not just posters.

angelescrest, I do not think wonderful is an odd term to describe oneself though it was unnecessary and probably shouldn’t have been included in my original post. Sorry, it was posted in in slight rage.

At the time I posted, I knew there was no physical harm done to the victim. But, I do realize, something like that is a personal, mental harm.

I am sorry that women must sometimes distrust men’s presence, but I understand why they might. I understand.

I am uneasy and disappointed about it but, I understand and I can get over taking it personally.

I am on your side.

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[JoB]

Look guys..

i don’t mean to be rude here

but when women are targeted

unless you are the attacker

it just plain isn’t about you

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[Author]

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