How resilient are you?

[JoB]

I had one of those aha moments today that started in a most unusual place.. a quiz scoring childhood trauma…
It was no surprise to me that i scored into the stratosphere on the childhood trauma scale.. i said yes to all but one of the questions… after all.. i was there and i lived all of that. I know what happened.
The surprise occurred on the second half of that quiz.. the resiliency scale. I knew i was resilient but i had never really thought much about why. I scored off the stratosphere on that scale as well.. all but two questions were answered in the positive end of the answers… and none of those questions were about how i felt about myself.. rather about who i had encountered in my life.

it turns out that the support systems we have in our lives are as important or possibly even more important than the circumstance we are dealt as a child.

Imagine that.. the line between children who experience trauma as a child and end up in our legal system or on the streets.. or even worse.. self supporting but abusive… is the people we encounter along the way.

I was lucky to be a bright child. That meant i spoke easily with adults at an early age. I was lucky to be an attractive child. It’s a sad reality that as a society we pay more attention to and treat attractive children better than those who are less attractive regardless of their behavior. I was lucky to have been born into a large family in which my mom was the baby girl of 16 kids… Although they didn’t live nearby.. when they visited and i got lots of hugs from aunts because i was the baby girl’s oldest child… and mom was resilient because in spite of the abuse she had endured that eventually turned her bitter… as the baby girl.. she felt love as a child.

I was also lucky to be white in a small town where that mattered a great deal.

But mostly I was lucky to grow up in a town that had invested in the local library and the school system for its affluent members and bright stars… and my stepdad was a child of the town’s founding fathers so in spite of a lack of wealth i had a seat at the table. that educational system attracted a lot of really gifted teachers and an incredible librarian.

I was lucky to have supporting adults outside of my home because my home life was increasingly ugly… a shabby secret that it turned out most of the people in town knew.

From those adults who paid attention to me either simply because i was bright and cute or because they felt sympathy.. i learned to surround myself with people who valued me for who and what i am… and those connections have been my saving grace.

I value that support system a lot.. i nurture it every day… but . the people i remember the most for their kindness are people i didn’t know.. random strangers who happened on me at a time when i most needed a kind word or a smile or a ride home or a meal or…

Those people are the reason i am posting today in this forum about my current home town.

We are the random strangers that can make the difference between an abused child becoming a functioning and useful adult and .. well.. not. And we don’t have to do a whole lot to make that happen.

One of my neighbors has established a nurturing relationship with one of the local kids by simply posting a little library out front. My garden draws kids whose only exposure to vegetables is the bins at the local grocery… but it doesn’t even take that much. A smile can make a huge difference to a kid who is seldom smiled at.

it’s amazing to me that such a little thing can make such a huge difference…

something positive to think about on what i think is going to turn out to be a very trying day nationally.

So.. for those people who always want source material…

the quiz..
https://acestoohigh.com/got-your-ace-score/

and the article that got me there

The Adverse Childhood Experiences Study — the largest, most important public health study you never heard of — began in an obesity clinic

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[JanS]

I haven’t taken the quiz…yet. Resilient is a great word…definitely applies to you. I’m thinking it’s fairly apt for me, too. I have used other words, but I really like that one.

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[2 Much Whine]

Wow! I scored a great big goose egg on the Ace quiz. Feeling pretty fortunate.

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[burnttoast]

I answered yes to 5 of the questions… and seem to be pretty resilient if I say so myself

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[miws]

ACE=3
Resilience=7 with 3=Still True

Mike

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[newnative]

Ace=4 and Resilience=7 with 5 still true

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[JoB]

isn’t it fascinating what creates resilience

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[miws]

Yes, it is.

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