Growing to hate my 20-year-old cat

[hosedown]

I used to love this cat with all my heart and he has been so great for most of his life. But he’s really starting to lose it. He has taken to peeing in my daughter’s room at least once a day, often more. And since he lost his teeth, I have to give him canned food only, which smells bad enough on its own but when it comes out the other end, forget about it. It’s so bad I’ve actually started gagging before! It wakes me up at night it’s so powerful. I try really hard to clean up after him and am spending almost $20 a week just on Nature’s Miracle and I still can’t keep up! Every time I enter my apartment, it smells like cat pee and poop so bad it makes my stomach turn.

I’ve tried putting out many extra litter boxes, spreading plastic all over her room (he pees around the edges of it, which is worse because it hits the wall too), I’ve spent all kinds of money getting him diagnosed at the vet to make sure it’s not a medical thing, so on and so on and nothing works. I’m at my wit’s end and can’t believe I’m considering putting him down. He’s getting really skinny and weak…but he’s been looking that way for a few years and I’m actually coming to dread the thought that he could hang on for several more!

Anyhow, I’m interested in how others have dealt with this phase of life in their cats. I was also wondering if there are any hospice-type places for elderly cats in the area – a longshot, I know.

Thanks.

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[me on 28th Ave SW]

hosedown,

For starters, I am going to guess that in spite of all the challenges your cat is offering you, you still love him. Clearly, anyone who has the commitment to care for a cat for 20 (!) years is a devoted pet owner and I applaud that. That said, I can only imagine how frustrating this is for you. It seems to me that you have made many adjustments trying to help kitty and figure out what the problem is. Has your vet suggested perhaps some kind of kitty dementia? I am no veterinarian, but I do know that there is a doggy form of Alzheimer’s. Is it possible that while there is nothing physically wrong with kitty he may not exactly know what he is doing anymore?

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[flowerpetal]

I’m sorry for your family and for your 20 year cat who is a part of your family. I wouldn’t think that confinement to a smaller space such as a pen, would be the end of the world. Then, when you were home and had the time to share some loving with your twenty year friend, you could do that. It would be a so much happier ending to his years and will leave you with better memories than putting him down. I’m sure others will have suggestions too.

Our pets can test our patience for sure!

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[Gina]

Beach towels on everything when the cats get to loss of body functions stage. One cat moved onto the bed at night and wanted to spend the day in the bathtub with a dripping faucet during her last days. Another cat moved onto the sofa, and would crawl back to it if I moved her to a warmer spot in the house. Some cats prefer being confined, a large cage may be comforting if the cat has lost senses and seems lost and confused.

I haven’t had any of my cats make it past 17.

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[service dog academy]

my first suggestion would be try switching to raw food. natures variety makes some great raw meat pellets. ive had a lot of success with raw stopping peeing outside of the box. second, have you tried a box the cat doesnt have to jump into? if i was as old as that cat and possibly in pain i would choose the floor over a box that i have to jump into any day of the week.

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[hammerhead]

Or maybe your cat is telling it is time him to go. Switching to raw in this stage of life won’t help. Sometimes you have to let your mind and not your heart think. I MEAN no disrespect at all. I also have my own pets. I don’t want to compare animals to humans in this matter. Animals do suffer I believe from mental issues, maybe he has just lost his “mind”. It is NEVER easy to put to rest a beloved animal. Sometimes it is necessary for them. Try to think of him not you. Again I mean NO disrespect.

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[inactive]

I had a cat who made it to a ripe old age, but the last 2 1/2 were a slow, steady deterioration much like what you describe with your ole’ puddy tat. Mine was a female, so a bit different in that regard. But you mentioned the weight loss and over all weakening condition and that rang a bell with me.

As she aged, I had regular “geriatric panels” done on her to monitor a variety of things which are indicators of different kinds of conditions. The one I recall the vet pointing out as most significant was a gradual kidney failure. In the last couple of years, she drank massive amounts of water and became thinner while at the same time her behavior(s) changed. It appeared to me her version of a kind of senility. I don’t know that it was in FACT that, but the way it presented to me it was. Eventually, she would just kind of wail as if her day to day experience was absent of a sense of well-being. There was little I could do to bring her relief of whatever it was which distressed her so, all day and all night. All this time the only thing the vet ever saw was that diminished functioning of kidneys. Even so, it was my decision to let her go. I just knew, after so many, many years, she was absolutely miserable. It is a hard decision which every owner of a geriatric cat has the potential to face. It is different for every animal/owner about when the time is right.

It was so very hard to let go when I did but for me it would have been selfish not to. No amount of rehydrating her, or protecting her or any thing would reverse her condition. She was distressed and confused and disoriented and fearful and just was no longer herself.

The vet told me I was doing the brave thing, instead of waiting for the absolute end and complete shut down of her kidneys. I did not feel brave, I can assure you. I felt very sad to lose such a long-time companion who seemed to be asking me to help her. It’s tough.

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[WSeaFam2]

WSdood I had the same experence with my cat that I fostered and then came to love so much I ended up keeping her. She was with me through some of the toughest times of my life, and I loved her so much I would not even date anyone unless she also liked them.

When I found out her kidneys were failing I wanted to try everything I could to keep her with me and prolong her life. However my husband and the vet both assured me I would not be doing this in her best interest, but in my own. I was so heartbroken, and I am crying like a baby now just thinking about it, however I had to make the decisson to let her go. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, but deep down I know it was right for her.

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[josie2006]

I have a 15 year old cat and I can relate to your feelings. You are clearly a good pet owner and trying to do the right thing by your cat. I’ve heard that once they start going outside the box, there is little that can be done to stop it. For the pee problem, I agree with confining him, if not to a crate then a small room without carpeting where the clean-up will be easier. See how it goes. At this point it’s about quality of life – if he has none, then the decision to put him down may be the right one. Good luck to you!

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[JanS]

josie2006…that’s exactly how I think. If there is no quality of life, it’s time. Quantity of life takes the back seat. It’s so difficult to make the decision, but it’s the right one, so your precious, loved animal does not suffer. Hosedown..you’ll have us all to hug and support you, whatever your decision.

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[dobro]

My wife and I had a cat that old. At that age Kitty-Kitty was pretty blind and out of it but we kept taking care of her. One night my wife reached for her and the cat whipped around and bit deeply into my wife’s middle finger. Within minutes it was as big as a sausage and we rushed to the ER. They had to keep her overnight on intravenous antibiotics and told us that cats have over 50 awful diseases in their mouth and this was a serious condition.

After my wife had recovered we did decide to put our cat down and the vet kind of scolded us, saying you really shouldn’t let cats live that long. They become dangerous to themselves and others at a point.

No advice here, just my story. You have to do what you think is right but part of one’s responsibility as a pet owner is to figure out when the time comes that the quality of life just isn’t happening.

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[HunterG]

I just recently had to put down my beloved Winnie, she was 17. I do not want to judge, and am trying to find a calm place to answer this thread by, but letting this go so long as to actually say the words that you “hate” a once beloved family member is truly sad.

Knowing when the right time to put down a pet is difficult, it was the hardest decision I ever had to make – but I loved her with all my heart with all of her accidents, dietary needs and strange nightly crying until her very last day. Now that she is gone, I cannot tell you how much all of those things are missed now, and what I would give to have them all back… even for a day. By reading your post, I would think that you have made your decision that putting your pet down would be the humane choice.

It isn’t fair for this creature to have to live with an owner who once loved him, and now doesn’t anymore because of the burden of it growing older. They don’t understand, why someone who once cared so much for them, now has a different demeanor towards them, or doesn’t want to pick them up, or pet them any longer. In my opinion, its wrong for any domesticated creature, human or other to have to go through that. How will you feel when you age, if those that loved you suddenly do not because of the natural consequences of aging?

You loved your pet before – do him a favor and don’t let him live another day unless you continue to love him.

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[biankat]

HunterG, that was extremely well put. Thank you for your insight on this difficult subject.

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[JoB]

hosedown…

you can crate him during the day and at night and follow him around in the evening

or you can take him to the vet for the last time.

I hate to sound so harsh…

but those are the choices..

at this stage…your cat is never going to be his sweet old self again

if you decide on a last trip to the vet..

do it while you can still enjoy one last wonderful day spoiling your cat silly.

i don’t know if that is more for him or for you

but i have done that with all my four legged friends

and it has worked well for me.

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[inactive]

A few more thoughts about this –

One thing I didn’t mention above about my cat’s particular situation, but which happens to many deteriorating kitties, is they eventually can have seizures. My kitty had one tiny, brief seizure and that was enough. The cause of the seizures can’t really be treated; they can only be endured. She suffered and even though she survived and recuperated somewhat, she was on track for more. I could not and would not let her go there again.

Also, for you to be aware of when you are ready: Some vets make house calls for euthanasia’s. I have used that service a couple of times because it completely eliminates any chance the cat will get stressed. To say goodbye in familiar surroundings can be a comforting last act of thanks from you to your cat for years of companionship. It isn’t inexpensive, but might be an option anyway.

Take care.

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[HunterG]

When I put Winnie down, I had a vet come to our home. Dr. Castor was amazing, and she comes highly recommended. After cremation, she even delivered my sweetheart’s ashes to my home.

http://citycatmobilevet.com/

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[Escondido]

This thread of notes has been very helpful. We have two male cats, brothers that we adopted years ago. They are both showing all the signs mentioned above.

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[yeah-me]

This poem gave me some comfort when I put my dog down this spring.

__

If it should be that I grow weak

And pain should keep me from my sleep,

Then you must do what must be done,

For this last battle cannot be won.

You will be sad, I understand.

Don’t let your grief then stay your hand.

For this day, more than all the rest,

Your love for me must stand the test.

We’ve had so many happy years.

What is to come can hold no fears.

You’d not want me to suffer so;

The time has come — please let me go.

Take me where my need they’ll tend,

And please stay with me till the end.

Hold me firm and speak to me,

Until my eyes no longer see.

I know in time that you will see

The kindness that you did for me.

Although my tail its last has waved,

From pain and suffering I’ve been saved.

Please do not grieve — it must be you

Who had this painful thing to do.

We’ve been so close, we two, these years;

Don’t let your heart hold back its tears.

Anonymous

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[BBGuest]

So hard caring for our elderly family members. My 18 year old cat drove me NUTS the last year or more. She could not be comforted, seemed to be comfortable though… but certainly not aware of where she was, or what she was doing. That poem is so wonderful.

The last day I wrote her a long letter of appreciation and thanked her for being my friend and companion. The wonderful vet came to the house as did my friend for me. I held her and felt that she entered my heart with a big burst of love before passing on.

The letter and my loved one were placed in a very special container to be part of the earth… and a lovely bush planted to mark where she was laid to rest.

You are a saint to care for your feline for so long. Thank you for sharing your frustration. If you can’t take having the home visit, I know Lien has a room especially designed to say good bye.

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[squareeyes]

My old cat lasted 17 years. The final two were really tough because he refused to use the litterbox to urinate and my house reeked. I was embarrassed to have people over because of the smell. But he seemed happy and relatively healthy so I couldn’t justify to myself that it was time to put him down. Blood panels were all as normal as could be expected for a senior cat. One day he fell off a chair and couldn’t walk for several minutes. I rushed him to the vet who suggested x-rays. He was riddled with cancer – kidneys, heart, lungs, liver. I put him down that day. I mourned for about a day, then rolled up the stinky rugs to get professionally cleaned, washed the wood floors, and pretty much relaxed in a fresh smelling house for the first time in a very long time. Had I known the extent of what was going on inside of him, I would have had him put down much earlier.

I have two wonderful cats who are about 10 years old. I struggle with the idea of having to put either down should they start to exhibit similar behaviors in their senior years. I know I can’t go through two years with an incontinent cat again. While I realize that I have a responsibility to the pets that I’ve brought into my home to keep them safe and healthy and give them a good quality of life, I try to remind myself that my quality of life matters as well.

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[hosedown]

Wow, so many kind responses. They have been mostly great to read. A few exceptions; I want to be clear, in spite of how frustrated and at times furious I get when I find a new wet spot or open the door after work to be blown away by the pig farm stench, I still pet my little guy all the time, let him sleep with me, make him scrambled eggs with cheese once in a while (which he loves) and overall try to make him as comfortable and happy as possible. So I found the suggestion that I put him down because “I don’t love him anymore” to be puzzling, because I do love him still. Maybe you have to be in my position to know how you can feel both love and sometimes hate for another creature. (Or maybe you just have to be married, ba-dum-bum.)

Anyhow, this feedback has really been great and has helped me clarify my own feelings about how to proceed. I know everyone has their own opinions and I don’t mean to discount any of them or cast judgment at all, but I personally would put my cat down before crating him all day. I feel bad enough keeping him in a large-ish apartment all the time, much less in a tiny space. Even a small room I wouldn’t do. I know how much he would hate that – maybe with a different cat I would, who knows. BUt I know my guy hates to be confined. Also, as soon as I could tell he’s pretty much in pain all the time I would feel okay having him put down. I know he has some pain right now but there are several times every day he’s just sitting there, looking happy as he ever has. I personally think I would not let my cat drag itself around all day, crying the whole time – that seems like pretty blatant evidence that something should be done. But easy to say from the outside – maybe I would if under certain circumstances.

Anyhow, my current plan is to keep mitigating it to whatever extent possible and give up the idea of having a girlfriend, because any sane chick would probably run after the first whiff of my place. And really, who am I kidding? When was the last time I attracted a sane woman?

So thanks to everyone for their input. It really has been helpful.

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