Puns for intellectuals

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  • #745949

    metrognome
    Participant

    I’m a kleptomaniac, but when it gets really bad, I can take something for it.

    #745950

    munchkin22
    Member

    We love that one…hahahahaha

    #745951

    DBP
    Member

    OK, 4-evah . . . but this is gonna be one hella weird post, with a discussion about racism interspersed with jokes about kleptomaniacs n’shit.

    I happen to be a kleptomaniac myself, but I’m not offended.

    I can take it.

    #745952

    DBP
    Member

    4-evah:

    Two anecdotes about humor that may help you understand my perspective.

    Not humorous stories, mind.

    Stories about humor.

    <anecdote>

    Some 25 years ago, shortly after I moved to Seattle, I enrolled myself in the Human Services program at SCCC. My plan was to either become a great humanitarian or just get my ass a job, whichever came first.

    In retrospect, I guess it was rather comical . . . Here I was, this lily-white boy from the suburbs among all these hard-core inner-city types who had already been working in the field for long years and were just there for their counseling certs.

    Shelter workers, parole officers, recovering addicts. Stuff like that. Tough crowd.

    Well, one day we had an in-class presentation from a CPS caseworker who specialized in working with young children who had been sexually assaulted, and she gave us details on some of the cases she’d worked over the years.

    At the end, one of the students asked her how she dealt with the stress of such an awful job.

    “We laugh about stuff a lot,” she replied. “Even the perpetrators. We make up jokes about them.”

    A collective gasp rose from the audience.

    “What!? How can you laugh about stuff like that?” someone demanded.

    The caseworker shrugged. “I know it seems heartless, but it’s the only way you can take the stress. If you don’t laugh about it, you’ll burn out. And a lot of people do.”

    </anecdote>

     

    #745953

    ws4ever
    Member

    Resolving issues may require examining viewpoints. That takes using words. Instead of asking someone to leave, you could answer a question. Laughing at what makes us uncomfortable is useful. I laugh with a friend about someone considering her a terrorist, as she supports her children, completes a degree and works 50+ hours a week. My complaint is: a dark skin and facial features don’t tell you much about a person’s worth or character. We all have gallows humor at work–but the really funny stuff is when we laugh at/with our own group and its foibles, not at a presumed enemy who is more likely innocent. Off my soapbox. Have at it.

    #745954

    metrognome
    Participant

    hmmm … being a kleptomaniac is an uplifting experience …

    ok, I’m gonna give this thread a twist; I’m from a family of punsters and I’ve been getting cabin fever, so I’ve had to entertain myself. Here are some famous quotes, mostly from movies, where one letter or sound has been changed …

    “You’ve got to ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel lucky?’ Well, do ya, hunk?” What Clint said to the guy who hit on him at OutWest. [edited to correct the quote]

    “Four score and seven beers ago …” What Abe said to the innkeeper who asked how long it had been since he found out he lost the election.

    “I’ll be Jack!” What AH-nold said before doing his Nicholson imitation on Leno’s show.

    “They call me SISTER Tibbs!” What Sidney said (with a toss of the head) to reporters after returning from his surgery in Sweden.

    “You can’t handle the fruit!” What Jack said to Tom after he went into anaphylactic shock from a single sip of his pina colada.

    Ok, your turn …

    #745955

    365Stairs
    Participant

    “It’s no big seal” – What Carl Spackler (Bill Murray) said as he was sitting at Lincoln Park’s beach watching a pup be born.

    #745956

    365Stairs
    Participant

    “I’m on top of a girl!” What Jack said to Rose on the Titanic after he said “I’m on top of the world!”…

    #745957

    365Stairs
    Participant

    “I feel the need…the need to plead” –

    What Maverick said to the JAG lawyer regarding the civil case brought on by Goose’s wife (cut from the movie of course).

    #745958

    miws
    Participant

    “The pun you took”, said Pussy Galore to James Bond, after posting one on the WSB Forums’ Puns for Intellectuals thread, that he’d overheard her say.

    Mike

    #745959

    metrognome
    Participant

    “Mmmm, that dirty, double-crossing cat!!!!” Jimmy muttered under his breath as he watched the feline parade back and forth across the street, tail held high, until she stopped smack dab in front of his car to leisurely clean her already immaculate fur.

    365Stairs — I think you mixed up Leo (‘I’m King of the World’) and Cagney (‘Made it, Ma! Top of the world!’) altho I never saw Titanic. But it’s funny with either quote.

    #745960

    DBP
    Member

     

    <anecdote>

    In the weeks after 9/11, a coworker complained to me that the world would forever more be a humorless place. “It’s the end of laughter,” he said, despairingly. “No more teasing, no more grab-assing, no more jokes. About anything.”

    As the office clown, I naturally received this augury with foreboding. I knew he had to be wrong, but, on the other hand, I wasn’t about to go squirting him with my lapel flower just to prove a point. I decided to keep my head down and wait things out. I decided to wait until I heard other people laughing first before trying to propagate any laughter on my own.

    But I knew the shitstorm of misery would someday blow over. And eventually, it did.

    </anecdote>

     

     

     

    By now, more than 10 years after 9/11, the world has heard so much of suicide bombers that they have become a kind of cultural meme . . . So much so, in fact, that one ventriloquist (Jeff Dunham) has made a name for himself based largely on his “Achmed the Dead Terrorist” character.

    “Silence!!! I kill you!”

    [Google it.]

    Is Achmed the Dead Terrorist a racial* caricature?

     

     

    ¶ He sports a turban and beard, even though he’s just a skeleton.

    ¶ He speaks with an accent that is supposedly recognizable to Americans as “Arab.”

    ¶ Although Achmed doesn’t talk about religion per se, he does refer loosely to his motivations for being a suicide bomber (e.g., the “72 virgins” thing).

     

     

    All of which clearly plays on American stereotypes of Muslims, Arabs, and terrorists as a class.

     

    —So, yes, undeniably so. Achmed is a “racial” caricature.

    But . . . is he therefore destructive, and something to be shunned?

    —Not necessarily.

     

    If you watch one of Achmed’s many performances on YouTube, you’ll occasionally see a shot of the audience. To me, the folks in these audiences don’t seem like racists, or even racists in training. Just the contrary, in fact. I think the people laughing at Achmed know he’s a stereotype, and that’s why they feel ok laughing at him: because they know he’s not real.

    I’ll grant you that if the context were different, Achmed would be a bit more worrisome. If Americans were less tolerant than they are, for example, or if there were a violent struggle going on between religious groups in this country, as there is in Iraq, for example. Then Achmed would definitely be counterproductive. But over here, I think he’s just a way of Americans dumping their anxieties and letting off steam.

    As for me, I still feel like I’m an OK person if I get a chuckle or two out of Achmed. But in an upcoming post, I’ll talk about some real violence that’s being perpetrated against Muslims around the world.

    And believe me, it’s not being perpetrated by jokers.

     

    *************************************************************************************

    *I’ll leave aside the question of whether religion and nationality equate to race. Let’s just say that, in the minds of many Americans, they do.

    #745961

    metrognome
    Participant

    DBP — with all due respect, you are kootchjacking this thread. If you want to start a political thread on the impact of 9/11 on humor or racial profiling, etc., please do so.

    In the meantime, let’s return to PUNS.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pun

    I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

    He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

    Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

    The next day, police were called to the same daycare to investigate a kid napping.

    I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words.

    Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy.

    There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn’t control his pupils.

    My new theory on inertia doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.

    and, finally (you old folks may have to explain ‘propeller’ to the young ‘uns) ….

    Did you hear about the Pan Am Clipper stewardess who accidentally backed into the propeller? Disaster!!

    #745962

    365Stairs
    Participant

    Land ownner was seeking animal medical perscriptions for his cows from the local Vet…

    Vet declined politely…

    “It is you that owns the farm I see”

    #745963

    linda
    Participant

    There are 10 different kinds of people in this world: those that understand binary and those that don’t.

    #745964

    JanS
    Participant
    #745965

    DBP
    Member

    “Throw another shrimp on the Barbie.”

    Did I get it? OMG OMG OMG !!!

    What’d I win?

    #745966

    JanS
    Participant

    lol..you won a…reprieve..:D

    #745967

    DBP
    Member

    I’ll take “Famous Names” for 500:

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Do you feel pucky?

    Well . . . do ya, lunk?

     

    #745968

    huh
    Member

    Andrew Lloyd Webber!

    #745969

    DBP
    Member

    Aw . . . yeah. Was it too easy?

    #745970

    huh
    Member

    Lucky guess

    #745971

    DBP
    Member

    “Recent Cultural Phenomena” for 200, Alex:

     

     

     

    #745972

    JanS
    Participant

    first thing that came to mind was…going postal – lol…

    #745973

    DBP
    Member

    That’s odd. The first thing that came to my mind was k— . . .

    On second thought, no.

    Better not say it.

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