Home › Forums › Open Discussion › Things "Professionals" Say That Make You Laugh, and Cry, and Internally Combust
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February 13, 2011 at 4:17 am #597932
singularnameParticipantOffering this as a collection of light-hearted ranting because it’s so insane it’s hysterical … :-> … Would be curious to know yours … you know, so we can all chuckle and drop our jaws at other people’s expense …
Tonight, QFC. My member number–my phone number of 10+ years–doesn’t work at checkout. After four tries on my part, clerk offers, “Perhaps you’re just missing a digit or something. Are you sure that’s your number?”
A few years ago, Burien Toyota AND Michael’s Toyota. With the car I’d owned for two years and bought new, my engine makes not an utter when I turn the key. Spend an hour on this, then call the shops. “Wellll, are you sure you’re turning your key correctly? That’s usually the problem–people don’t know how to turn on their ignition right.”
And one last one, a whopper really from this summer. Contractor building a house down the street approaches me about how he can do *me* the favor of dumping two or three truckloads of dirt in my backyard so I can level it off and plant grass or something. “Yeah,” I say, “that would be awesome, but you know I have to be really careful about drainage on this slope, my basement flooded once because I didn’t properly clean my gutters, and so no I don’t want to create any drainage problems.” Him: “Oh, no, it’d be no problem. It’s not gonna do any harm with the drainage. Probably make it better. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
K. Gimme some back.
February 13, 2011 at 4:23 am #717318
singularnameParticipantOh gosh … just thought of another one that really is the best!
Many years ago this woman phone solicits me and she’s selling these “forever-lasting lightbulbs” as an employee of a “company that hires people with disabilities.” Always a curious and to-the-point person, I ask her what her disability was. She responds meekly, “I’m … I’m … financially disabled.” *lmao* I bought a dozen or so of the bulbs.
February 13, 2011 at 4:34 am #717319
ZenguyParticipantWhen I bought a house it came with a home warranty for the first year because it had an old furnace. I went down and kicked that furnace every day for a year and nothing. I got a call from the insurance company asking me to renew the policy. I declined because while the furnace was old, it was taking my abuse and kept going. She told me that 90% of customers renewed their policies. I thought to myself, if 90% renewed their policies, why did she have a job?
February 13, 2011 at 4:45 am #717320
IrukandjiParticipantWay many years ago, I called UPS to arrange shipping of two boxes to Quebec. I was told by the phone attendant that UPS did not ship to the Middle East.
February 13, 2011 at 5:16 am #717321
JanSParticipantthe Middle East of Canada?
February 13, 2011 at 5:26 am #717322
Carol PBMemberSo, I work in a dental office & deal with insurance companies. Was checking on an unpaid claim due our office from Dec 2010 and discovered that they deducted the payment from a claim to ANOTHER DENTAL OFFICE for services rendered in 2008!! They technichally were having our officce pay for THEIR mistake two years ago that did not involve us at all! Was pretty much told that they are really charging the patient, which is true, but I do have the insurance comminsioner’s office info on standby. I am working with the other DDS office to fix this since they do realize it is between them and the insurance co and patient.
February 13, 2011 at 5:33 am #717323
Carol PBMembersorry for all the typos! no clue!
February 13, 2011 at 5:36 am #717324
Carol PBMemberAlso wanted to add the fact that we have a one year limit to submit claims, but was told that the insurance co does not have a time limit to request refunds for overpayments!
February 13, 2011 at 5:39 am #717325
karenParticipantOn the other side of the coin:
I worked the phones at a stereo repair shop. When a customer would call up ranting that their tv/stereo/whatever wouldn’t turn on I always asked them to check that the unit was plugged in. About one in ten found that plugging the thing in fixed it!
February 13, 2011 at 6:07 am #717326
HunterGParticipantMy best guffaw was when I couldn’t read the ID of a customer when carding him for alcohol because his wallet was so dirty. He was attractive and I was keeping my cool while trying to read his birthdate… squinting. Before I could ask, he asked me…
“Do you want me to pull it out?” I immediately felt a flush working from the neck up, and asked ‘excuse me?’ so he asked again and realized why I had blushed.
February 13, 2011 at 8:28 am #717327
PibalParticipantA llllloooonnnnnnggg time ago, I played “go-fer” for my sister’s wedding the week before the big event. I called the place where the wedding matchbooks were being printed and asked if they were ready for pick-up. The first words I heard back: “How did you get this phone number?”
February 13, 2011 at 9:26 am #717328
singularnameParticipantKaren … I totally hear ya. I’m the Managing Editor in the Interactive Entertainment Div at “the Evil Empire.” I’ve heard about the “plug-in” stories from our product support (well, at least when those folks actually worked down the hall). … It was probably 20 years ago when we had to add to our style guides “Do not use *hit* to refer to the Enter key,” because people were actually hitting and busting their keyboards. Same thing with *push*: “Do not use *push* to refer to choosing or clicking a button,” because people were pushing the buttons on the actual screen … thank gosh for touch screens, eh–having to train all over again.
Toooo funny, Hunter.
February 13, 2011 at 1:48 pm #717329
ZenguyParticipantKaren you reminded me of when a customer in Hawai’i asked for a credit card machine. I programmed it, tested said machine and shipped to him. He called me and said it was not working, I told him I tested it before sending it and asked what the display read. He said it was completely blank, I asked what happened when he plugged it in…pause, pause, pause “plugged it in?” lol.
Another was at a VERY small Credit Union in Alaska, I was training a woman who asked if she could interrupt the training to help a customer. I said yes, of course. The customer came up with a notice and said “I got this notice that says my check was insignificant!” I had to walk away.
February 13, 2011 at 2:28 pm #717330
TDeParticipantSome years ago I needed a new mattress and stopped in at a mattress store down on 1st Ave S. As I walked in the door I was approached by a saleswoman and told her I needed a new mattress. “And what will you be using the mattress for?” she asked.
“Uh, sleeping primarily” I replied, a little stunned at the question. She then pointed out their display of mattresses for me to look at and walked away. So did I. That store wasn’t in business long.
February 13, 2011 at 3:51 pm #717331
anonymeParticipantI’ve experienced variations of most of the above, so I’ll add some common whoppers told by exterminators. I called one last summer after I watched a rat eat all of my strawberries. I explained to the woman on the phone that I wanted to use the most humane method possible to get rid of the rats. (Keep in mind that I am a former biology major.) I was informed that there’s no need to feel bad about killing rats, because they are not animals and don’t feel pain. Later, the rep who came to my house pulled another Pinocchio. He told me that there was no reason to worry about poisoned rats dying under my house or in the walls, because once they were sick they would flee to the great outdoors – terrified by the sound of human footsteps above. He insisted that rats only occasionally die within the walls, but due to natural causes. Right……
February 13, 2011 at 4:20 pm #717332
JayDeeParticipantAfter telling a client that my Mom had passed away the previous week, he expressed his condolences and followed up with: “Well, if people didn’t die we’d be up to our a–holes in people.” I nearly slugged him and it took a lot of self control.
–
To end on a humorous note as a young man I was working at Toys R Us…and while standing on a ladder a customer asks “Do you have big balls?” and another time: “Do you have small organs?”
Again, a matter of self control…
February 13, 2011 at 5:37 pm #717333
DPMemberSeveral years I worked as “relay operator” for the Washington State TDD Relay Service. The TDD Relay is a special service that manually relays telephone calls between deaf people and hearing people using a hearing operator as the intermediary. The relay operator “speaks” for the deaf person and types and transmits the hearing person’s response back to the deaf person. Clear as mud? Good.
Anyway, for hearing callers who were newbies to the system (e.g., an order taker at the corner pizza place) the relay operator would briefly explain the process before beginning the phone call. And it would go something like this:
Hello. This is Operator 128 at the TDD Relay Service. You’re receiving a call from a deaf person using a TDD device. I’ll read what the caller is typing to you and then I’ll type what you say to them . . . please hold . . .
The deaf caller would then begin the call. (“I’d like to order a large pepperoni,” or whatever.)
Many of the hearing folks either got how it worked from the operator’s explanation or picked it up quickly once the call was underway. But a few of them would interrupt the call repeatedly by saying (to the operator): I don’t understand this! Why doesn’t he [the deaf person] just call me himself?
Occasionally an operator would answer this question for the caller* by saying: He’s not calling you himself because he’s DEAF!
To which the hearing party might respond: So what if he’s deaf! Let him call me himself. I’m not talking to you people. [Click]
–D.P.
*Needless to say, it was against the rules for the TDD operator to say this, but it happened.
February 13, 2011 at 6:13 pm #717334
Genesee HillParticipantBack in the 60s, when I was in my early teens, our family dentist in Kirkland gave me a shot of novacaine and started drilling an upper tooth.
The pain was excruciating. I asked for more novacaine and he said, “you’ve had enough novacaine. The reason it hurts so much is the upper teeth are close to your brain”.
This is the same dentist who, when pushing a drill bit into his beloved drill, and broke the bit, exclaimed, “damn, there goes five bucks”!
February 13, 2011 at 8:58 pm #717335
ZenguyParticipantOMG GenHill, I think my grandmother took me to the same dentist when he moved above Easy Street.
The mattress story reminded me of when I purchased a bed frame from a place on 1st ave downtown. The owner was writing out the receipt and he wrote down one QUEER bed frame, instead of one QUEEN bed frame…lol.
February 14, 2011 at 5:05 am #717336
westcoastdebParticipantI work in the auto parts business, and take many over the phone orders from wholesale customers for delivery. My favorite phone call I have ever gotten was with a mechanic who needed filters for the vehicle he was working on. Because these things are pretty much vehicle (motor) specific, I asked what type of vehicle it was. His response? ‘How should I know? I’m just the mechanic.’
Classic.
February 14, 2011 at 8:42 pm #717337
maudeParticipantTo be fair, my last name could be a first name. Whenever I go to a place where I need to give my name or fill out a form, I give them my last name and they nearly always ask me in a cranky tone, “That’s your last name?” As if I don’t know what my name is.
February 14, 2011 at 9:17 pm #717338
maplesyrupParticipantWhen I complained about some work a contractor did I was told, “Don’t worry, it won’t cause damage, it just doesn’t look very nice.”
February 14, 2011 at 9:50 pm #717339
Genesee HillParticipantmaplesyrup:
That’s a great one. I will have to remember that one for some of my future projects. And I am not a contractor.
February 14, 2011 at 9:53 pm #717340
lucky chickMemberYou might not get this if you’re not a skate-skier, but after going through a couple of REI employees who knew nothing about skate-skiing (all of whom claimed to know “a little”), I finally got one who insisted (more than once) that she knew all about it, including sizing for skis (which is based on weight, height, cambre, and snow conditions). When I asked her about ski size, she told me with a straight face, “You want shorter skis because skate-ski lanes are narrow, and if they’re too long, they can hit the side of the lane.” That was her sole and full criterion for sizing skis.
I bought my skis elsewhere and called the manager (who insisted it was an aberration, despite the fact that THREE people pretended to have experience!).
February 15, 2011 at 6:32 pm #717341
ToddinWestwoodMemberwhile living in Los Angeles, I spent a majority of my spare time and commuting time on a 1975 Yamaha RD350, a snappy little two stroke twin. One day while caught in traffic on Sunset Blvd, headed back twords Los Feliz, one of the spark plugs started to foul. It was running on one cylinder. So I knew a few blocks down was an auto parts store. I made it there and went inside to the parts counter. The kid behind the counter had his hands at the ready on his parts computer, he asked me ” what can I get you?” I say “I need 2 NGK spark plugs” he procedes to ask me what car they are for and I tell him, “no, they are for a motorcycle” he tells me “sorry, we dont sell motorcycle parts here” hahahahahaha
The funniest thing was, he was standing in front of the Spark plug wall display and I could see the ones I needed.
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