Does this thing have a reverse gear?

[charlabob]

I’ve been part of blogs and forums before and never have I been part of one that feels so much like a burgeoning family. The family seems to be going through a rough patch and I want to publicly apologize for any contributions I’ve made to that patch.

We thrive on disagreement and lively discussion–but I think we need to step back when we post and when we read and think about what we say personally and what we take personally.

The bob half can attest — I’m passionate about pretty much everything and sometimes my fingers get ahead of my brain. In person, my tongue often does the same.

I promise to try very hard (which doesn’t mean I’ll shut up — obviously I can’t do that.):-)

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[JoB]

i think it would help a lot if we just realized that it isn’t necessary to put someone else down to make your point.

And i say that in regard to more than the political posts…

exploring two conflicting opinions often leads to solutions.

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[charlabob]

Exactly, JoB — and, when we read, we need to understand that vociferous disagreement doesn’t imply disrespect. These are both issues for many of us.

I’m particularly bothered by the response to two newbies who asked reasonable questions and could have felt less than welcomed by some of our responses.

Now….I’ll meet you on the Clinton thread…we can start to practice on each other :-)

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[Aim]

I agree.

I found myself tempted to be less than polite in my response on one thread yesterday and simply decided to not respond at all. Sometimes it’s ok to just let it go and let another person “be wrong” in our minds without saying anything. We can also disagree respectfully. I suspect that the meetups will help with that – human nature is such that we’re less likely to be outright rude or mean to someone we’ve met in person.

It’s funny – I was thinking about almost exactly this this morning, as I went to click on the forums and a part of me felt a little trepidation about what I might find. That’s not a very good feeling. I dont’ ever want one of my responses to have that effect on anyone.

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[JimmyG]

I’m very thick-skinned so almost nothing anyone could say to me via computer (or to my face) would offend or upset me. I don’t join the political threads on any regular basis, I’m guessing that’s where most of the more-angry discussions take place?

But so far today on one of the threads here I’ve been called an a**ho*e. Kind of nice to wake up to and it made me smile.

I really wonder about folks who take anything on a message board/forum too seriously. What’s it like for those people in real life if someone disagrees with them?

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[beachdrivegirl]

JimmyG you have made me smiled today too! :)

I think that the biggest thing wiht all blogs/message boards is that, like email, sentences and words can be misunderstood.

One thing I have learned through work is that you never say somethinig indepth through an email because more than likely some part of the email will be misunderstood on the other end.

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[Anonymous]

And I need to learn when to “let it go”. I vow to work on stating opinions I might have and leaving it at that. I might try and explain WHY I came to have those opinions, but not at the expense of being disrespectful.

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[Anonymous]

NewResident, I left at a certain point yesterday and went to Walgreens for half off easter chocolate. Changes your whole outlook on life:) I hope we can agree that you and I were arguing about a concept and not flinging personal attacks. I like you and really enjoy debating but don’t ever wish to come across as personally insulting. If I did, I apologize.

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[Aim]

mmm… chocolate.

Solves the world’s problems (for a few minutes at least!)

Anyone interested in touring Theo Chocolates in Fremont? My partner and I have been meaning to go, and haven’t gotten to it. Maybe if we were to make a mini-meetup out of it, we’d get there.

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[Anonymous]

JT – I definitely agree that were arguing a concept and refrained from getting personally insulting. I like you too and love to read your posts. I am sorry, too, if anything said yesterday to you was out of line.

Unfortunately, I got my Dad’s hot, Irish temper, so I don’t mind ever being called on it if need be.

Aim – I would LOVE to go! However, I will need to wait until after next weekend. I will be in Mexico on the beach where I will be required to be in a swimsuit. Scary thought!

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[mellaw6565]

Please see my response to JimmyG and his ugly, accusatory and insulting posts to my legitimate requests for information. I didn’t accuse him of being an a*sh*le but merely referred him to the “a*s” part of the assume. Once again – he twists it around. As I said – this is the first time for me on this site and by the tone of the posts I read there are a lot of nasty exchanges on here. No one will feel welcome to post on this site if these are the types of exchanges that occur. So far – I don’t see any type of “family” or “community” on here. How sad! A reversal is definitely in order.

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[JoB]

Melaw6565

did you see the topic of this thread?

continuing any disagreement in this thread isn’t really helping anyone.

if you can’t see the community here you haven’t looked very far… look further.

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[JanS]

Mellaw…check back through the threads…read about Handbags for Hunger….read about the fundraiser coming up for Mike Dein, who lost his business to arson…come join us Saturday morning as we fine tune what we want to do. Beachdrive girl, JT, JoB, Charla, New Res…we all get involved. We all argue on here, but we still socialize now…and like each other. JimmyG? Are you joining us? We love this blog, we love the fact that it’s brought us together, we thank WSB for these forums so we can debate each other. It’s calm on here compared to some blogs out there.

and welcome here..please do join us sometime to socialize :)

Don’t underestimate the community here…if we didn’t care, we wouldn’t be talking…diversity makes the world go round :)

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[Erik]

Reversal of thoughts and learning to put space between thoughts and action.

These are learnable and part of the maturation process. We’re never too old to mature (look at me).

An easy exercise to try the next time you post is to notice where the tension rises in yourself, honor the emotion(s)and/or physical sensations that are attached to the tension. Then you can try a simple physical test. Think of moving a body part without actually moving it. After about 10 seconds follow through with the actual movement. Because the movement and thought processes are in such close proximity in the brain you can’t separate the two.

Learning to physically build space between your thoughts and actions will lead to you learning how to do it on an emotional basis.

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[JoB]

Erik :))

are you telling me to actually think before i write .. and to move too … LOL … what a concept:)

I am sorry.. i couldn’t resist…

it is good advice.

i think there is another version of the same stuff called tapping therapy.. supposedly based on acupressure points.. actually relieves tress.

i actually wrote acupressure thoughts first and changed it to be somewhat accurate… but i think i am going to think on those acupressure thoughts some more:)

LOL….there might be something there

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[add]

I do a lot of work with Crucial Conversations – a core concept is the idea about separating facts from “stories” (our judgements, assumptions, conclusions, attributions about someone) and how it’s the negative story that drives our emotion which then leads to unproductive action. And, therefore, changing or being open to a different story can create a different emotion and therefore a different action. Similar concept as described above.

Erik, I would like to hear some more about the exercise you describe. I think it would help clarify the concept above even more viscerally!

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[Erik]

add –

The exercise above I made up on the spot as I posted. But it’s out of the context of how some of the lessons I teach can be used. We use movement (instead of thoughts, emotions, or senses) as a basis for learning because it’s most easily measured. You can materially measure a physical habit much more easy than an emotional habit.

We also hear people’s stories (which are very real) and then proceed to find out what they can do (facts) and not focusing on what they can’t do. In this conversation (sometimes verbal, sometimes tactile) we can open up a dialogue on possibilities. In a way these are very similar ideas/methods, just have different ways of going about it.

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[JoB]

now this is an interesting conversation…

i believe strongly in focusing on what can be done..

it’s a little more than solution based thought…

whether you can come up with a solution or not… you can find steps to make that will eventually make resolution possible.

this is literally how i live my life.

I wish i could say i chose that… but i think it chose me.. being my only solution:)

and you are right.. movement and habit are easier to modify than thought processes because there is nothing inherently judgmental about movement. .. while it is nearly impossible to separate judgement and thought.

i am still looking into this tapping therapy. i found it on some weight loss program on TLC… but am not discounting it because of that:)

And i wonder what acupressure thoughts would look like? Freudian slip but i bet someone takes this and runs with it:)

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[Sue]

JoB, the “tapping” you’re thinking of is EFT: Emotional Freedom Technique. You can go to http://www.emofree.com and download a free manual on how to do it. It’s really amazing stuff!

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[JoB]

thanks sue.. i wanted to explore this further

this is a new twist on an old therapy…

i confess to trying it on anxiety during that program, (i had been posting here before i turned it on…) and saw some results.. so thought i should learn more.

any new tool in the toolbox is a good thing.

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[WSB]

also note that if you wish to support the site staying afloat, there is a WSB advertiser in the right sidebar who advertises EFT coaching (if you click on her ad, there’s a discount coupon).

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[JoB]

cool!

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[JenV]

I agree with Jan- regardless of what the forum posting headers are, this is the WEST SEATTLE blog. Not the Hilary/Barack/Dem/Repub/rascism/loose dogs blog. Maybe instead of arguing about what separates us we should all remember what it is that we DO have in common- that we all love this neighborhood? We have shown in the last few weeks how strong we can be as a community when we put aside our differences and focus on West Seattle and making it a better place.

Pollyanna moment over, back to your regularly scheduled activities. ;)

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[JanS]

JenV, you can be a Pollyanna anytime. I guess I simply wasn’t quite happy with the way the newbie categorized us, simply because I don’t see things the way she does. I don’t understand the quickness to call people asses, especially since they misunderstood, and apologized. As I have found out in the last 3 1/2 years of my life, life is simply too damned short to not just appreciate all that’s given to us, even when it wasn’t exactly what you were asking for.

And I sure am glad I’m part of this community…:)

ok..back into my hole now…

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[Shibaguyz]

We only found this site this weekend and started posting right away. The exchange of ideas and words came so freely I immediately felt at home to ask questions, opinions, express my own and open new areas of exploration.

Yes, there have been some people who obviously have hang ups but… we all come into this world broken. ALL of us. If we hold the thought over the heads of others that they are not the being you see in front of you but something more that has yet to reach it’s full potential, that kinda changes how you see folks. Man… not sure where that came from! LOL

Seriously, an old mentor of mine used to call it “holding a 10 over every persons head.” Mind you, I’m not saying this because I am able to do it all the time. But, ultimately, how much can someone who is spouting off out of their own broken place really affect me? I loose it sometimes too and can only ask for grace when it happens.

Maybe that’s what we’re talking about… a little grace…

Okay JenV… if yours was a Pollyanna moment… what in the HECK am I gonna call that??? LOL

I’ll echo JanS: I’m glad we found this community and are a part of it.

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