On the 14th anniversary of the day when millions were shaken to learn Seattle grunge-rock megastar Kurt Cobain had ended years of substance abuse by committing suicide, an earnest group gathered tonight at South Seattle Community College in hopes of strategizing how to save today’s young people from getting anywhere near that kind of lethal low point. You probably heard about the anti-underage-drinking town-hall meeting ahead of time; organizer Renae Gaines from Madison Middle School worked hard to get the word out.

We mentioned it, newspapers printed stories about it, at least one TV newscast previewed it.

Should have been a topic to pack the house, with local families eager to hear how to keep their kids from taking a dangerously wrong turn in these scary times – a wrong turn too many are veering toward, according to a survey suggesting almost 1 in 4 Madison 8th-graders had an alcoholic beverage in the month before that survey.

However, tonight’s earnest group was also a small group. Just a start for this campaign, though, for which Gaines won hard-fought grant money, and there is room for it to gather momentum and grow. She talked with us before tonight’s program began, saying she will continue to recruit volunteers, and is working on the next steps for the campaign, including figuring out where the money will come from after the current grants run out. Minutes later, she was at the podium, telling attendees, “By the end of the night, I hope you will get in the spirit and be able to take action.”

On behalf of Mayor Nickels, Delridge District neighborhoods coordinator Ron Angeles then read a mayoral proclamation declaring today “Reduce Underage Drinking Day.”

And then came the keynote speaker, Lisa Erickson, a mental-health professional. Her message was not quite what you might have expected to hear: “Prevention doesn’t come about because kids are ‘scared straight’. Prevention that sticks is prevention that’s about values, and how we model those values — how we walk the talk.”

Rather than focusing on problems, challenges, undesirable behavior, Erickson then spent the bulk of her speech on what she described as the characteristics of families where drug and alcohol use tends to not be a problem, including:

*”Children feel love from both their parents, particularly their fathers.” (If children are being raised by single moms, Erickson said, finding a strong male role model is important.)

*”How children are, and how their parents want them to be, are fairly similar.”

*”Kids are able to ask for what they need.”

*”Parents and kids are compatible.”

*”Parents have more influence (on the kids) than their peers do.” This, she emphasized, “is HUGE.”

*”Parents openly disapprove of underage alcohol use and disapprove of drug use.”

*”The family has the capacity to problem-solve … to reach spontaneous agreement.”

*”When agreement can’t be reached, the family’s awareness of that is slow and respectful.”

*”There is shared authority between the parents, but always the knowledge that ‘the buck stops’ with one, the other, or both of them.”

*”Some decisions are democratic.”

*”Parental communication is healthy.”

*”The family generally shares a positive outlook on life — frustration is downplayed, not dwelled on.”

*”The family is cohesive but not sticky.”

*”Family leadership is a benevolent dictatorship — the parents are in charge, not the kids.”

*”The children can express themselves openly without fear of reprisals.”

The agenda also included a panel discussion with police, parent, and advocate representatives, as well as brainstorming. We don’t have notes to share on that section of the program, as we had to move on to another meeting. But the sheaf of information we left with included an immediate chance for families to take action: A five-week workshop called Guiding Good Choices starts tomorrow (Wednesday) night and continues for five Wednesday nights at Fauntleroy Church. It’s free; dinner is provided; onsite child care is available with advance arrangement. Call or e-mail Samara Hoag, 206/252-9207, shoag@seattleschools.org, if you are interested.

And to join the fight against underage drinking — call Renae Gaines at 206/252-9179.