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June 10, 2008 at 4:00 am #587171
cruiserMemberThese glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.
The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, “If you were my husband I’d give you poison.”
He said, “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.”
A member of Parliament to Disraeli:
“Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.”
“That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”
“He had delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr
“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Winston Churchill
“A modest little person, with much to be modest about.” – Winston Churchill
“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” Clarence Darrow
“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” – William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
“Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?” – Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” – Moses Hadas
“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.” – Abraham Lincoln
“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” – Mark Twain
“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” – Oscar Wilde
“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend…. if you have one.” – George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.” – Winston Churchill, in response.
“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” – Stephen Bishop
“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” – John Bright
“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” – Irvin S. Cobb
“He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.” – Samuel Johnson
“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” – Paul Keating
“There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.” – Jack E. Leonard
“They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.” – Thomas Brackett Reed
“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” – Charles, Count Talleyrand
“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” – Forrest Tucker
“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” – Mark Twain
“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” – Mae West
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde
“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.” – Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” – Billy Wilder
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx
June 10, 2008 at 4:28 am #627390
TheVelvetBulldogMemberNothing better than an intelligent zinger. Thank you for sharing these. I was once inspired by a Winston Churchill exchange to give advice to a kid who was being taunted as “too slow” by other kids:
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“I may be slow, but you’re ugly and I can get faster.”
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Probably a good thing I’m not a parent.
June 10, 2008 at 4:45 am #627391
LyndaBMemberThose are fabulous! Certainly a nice chuckle.
June 10, 2008 at 5:06 am #627392
flowerpetalMember“She’s slept with every male in Hollywood except Lassie” is a quote from Bette Davis referring to Joan Crawford.
June 10, 2008 at 6:27 am #627393
charlabobParticipant“That’s not writing….that’s typing!” Truman Capote talking about Jack Kerouac’s “On The Road.”
I’ve had a framed caligraphy of it over every desk I’ve used for writing since I first heard of it. It inspires me to try to get beyond typing at least once in a while. :-)
June 10, 2008 at 7:38 am #627394
JanSParticipantCruiser…thank you soooooo much…that’s the best post on these forums in the last 20 hours, as far as I’m concerned – made my day :)
June 10, 2008 at 4:34 pm #627395
cruiserMemberThanks J, sometimes I feel the people on here need some real problems:)
Velvet, Back home we say “I may be drunk,but you’re ugly and I’ll be sober tomorrow!”
June 10, 2008 at 4:40 pm #627396
rs261MemberIf you’re drunk, wouldnt they be not as ugly until tomorrow when you sober up? or are they still ugly even when you’re drunk?
June 10, 2008 at 6:21 pm #627397
andreaParticipantahhh wit…I love it!
June 12, 2008 at 4:36 pm #627398
keleesoMemberI love those quotes. Thank you! One of my favorite, although not an insult is:
“I am not saying we ought to act out, but we should look as though we could.”
Oscar Wilde
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