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(8 posts)

Twas the week before Christmas in Seattle


  1. Bikefor1
    Member Profile

    Bikefor1

    (Just got this via email)

    "Twas the week before Christmas, and next to the Sound,
    Not a creature was stirring, for all were snowbound.
    Greyhound busses quit running, no matter the fare,
    And the mail men and garbage said they just couldn't get there!

    The children were sliding Queen Anne Hill on their sleds.
    While roofs were collapsing on old people's heads.
    And mamma in her boots and I in my cap,
    Were stuck in the snow and ice and such crap.

    When at the Home Depot there arose such a clatter,
    I trudged from my car to see what was the matter.
    A group of sad souls were waving their cash,
    They couldn't buy shovels, they'd sold in a flash.

    Tires were spinning and just wouldn't go,
    And chains lay broken in the dirty old snow.
    Then, what to my surprise did my eyes look over and see?
    Eight representatives of SDOT,

    With a fat politician so lively and quick,
    I knew in a moment it was Mayor "Salt Nick".

    More rapid than gun bans, his excuses they came,
    "To save our environment the roads stay the same!
    On Broadway! On Boren! On Yesler and Denny!,
    To clear off these roads would cost such a penny!

    Sliding down Thomas and onto a wall!
    The busses hung over I-5, ready to fall!
    Still, he insisted it wasn't his fault,
    As the world's greenest mayor he wouldn't use SALT!

    That stuff's corrosive, could hurt the fish.
    (But the Puget Sound's SALT WATER you ignorant kish!)
    So snowy Seattle continued to stew,
    But Mayor "Salt Nick" just hadn't a clue.

    While I stood there astonished, on nearby TV sets,
    I saw the airport was packed, no de-icer for jets.
    Since others couldn't get down the roads to the ferry,
    The city decided to close Denny and Cherry.

    Police cars and firetrucks were highly impaired,

    Citizens got no impression that Mayor Salt Nick cared.

    A house that caught fire, or a rape in progress,

    Was less important than "going green" in Seattle - I guess!

    An accident closed the I-90 bridge,
    And people couldn't drive down Phinney Ridge.
    Shovels, and salt had just flown off the shelf,
    And I laughed when I heard him in spite of myself.

    A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
    He tried to convey we had nothing to dread;
    He spoke many words, but did little work,
    Yet Seattle knew they should never have elected this jerk.

    Then thumbing his nose at his citizens' plight,
    He turned to the crowd and exclaimed "We've done right!",
    And then to his limo refusing to yield,
    He left to get solar panels installed on Qwest Field.

    But I heard him exclaim, as he skidded past me
    "Happy Christmas to all, heck, I give myself a 'B'.

    Posted 5 years ago #         
  2. roundthesound
    Member Profile

    Hilarious! And sadly true...
    Do you know the author?

    Posted 5 years ago #         
  3. Important to credit the source - I looked this up yesterday because it was posted on Facebook without attribution. Apparently originated with a commenter on a Seattle Times forum, "Al in Colman Triangle," as far back as I could trace it - originally posted in this thread (twice -the second person cleaned up formatting)
    http://community.seattletimes.nwsource.com/reader_feedback/public/display.php?source_name=movabletype&source_id=35568
    The FB group by the way is at:
    http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/group.php?gid=44303430652

    Posted 5 years ago #         
  4. This is so clever!

    Posted 5 years ago #         
  5. thank you for bikefor1 posting it and thank you traci for looking up the origination instead of just pulling it.

    Posted 5 years ago #         
  6. JoB, though I'd love to take credit for the keymaster's legwork, sadly I cannot. I think she's Tracey or Tracy. I'm Traci with an "i", which is a constant reminder of my very eighties childhood!

    Posted 5 years ago #         
  7. Al in Colman Triangle
    Member Profile

    I am the original author of this, but it has been much changed and improved by others on the net. It's been fun to watch it go all over the place in various forms. Alas, the pineapple express has come and my 15 minutes have probably passed.

    Posted 5 years ago #         
  8. Way to go Al, that's awesome.

    Posted 5 years ago #         

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