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1. singularname
   Member Profile

   Offering this as a collection of light-hearted ranting because it's so insane it's hysterical ... :-> ... Would be curious to know yours ... you know, so we can all chuckle and drop our jaws at other people's expense ...

   Tonight, QFC. My member number--my phone number of 10+ years--doesn't work at checkout. After four tries on my part, clerk offers, "Perhaps you're just missing a digit or something. Are you sure that's your number?"

   A few years ago, Burien Toyota AND Michael's Toyota. With the car I'd owned for two years and bought new, my engine makes not an utter when I turn the key. Spend an hour on this, then call the shops. "Wellll, are you sure you're turning your key correctly? That's usually the problem--people don't know how to turn on their ignition right."

   And one last one, a whopper really from this summer. Contractor building a house down the street approaches me about how he can do *me* the favor of dumping two or three truckloads of dirt in my backyard so I can level it off and plant grass or something. "Yeah," I say, "that would be awesome, but you know I have to be really careful about drainage on this slope, my basement flooded once because I didn't properly clean my gutters, and so no I don't want to create any drainage problems." Him: "Oh, no, it'd be no problem. It's not gonna do any harm with the drainage. Probably make it better. I don't know what you're talking about."

   K. Gimme some back.

   Posted 1 year ago #         

2. singularname
   Member Profile

   Oh gosh ... just thought of another one that really is the best!

   Many years ago this woman phone solicits me and she's selling these "forever-lasting lightbulbs" as an employee of a "company that hires people with disabilities." Always a curious and to-the-point person, I ask her what her disability was. She responds meekly, "I'm ... I'm ... financially disabled." *lmao* I bought a dozen or so of the bulbs.

   Posted 1 year ago #         

3. Zenguy
   Member Profile

   

   When I bought a house it came with a home warranty for the first year because it had an old furnace. I went down and kicked that furnace every day for a year and nothing. I got a call from the insurance company asking me to renew the policy. I declined because while the furnace was old, it was taking my abuse and kept going. She told me that 90% of customers renewed their policies. I thought to myself, if 90% renewed their policies, why did she have a job?

   Posted 1 year ago #         

4. Irukandji
   Member Profile

   

   Way many years ago, I called UPS to arrange shipping of two boxes to Quebec. I was told by the phone attendant that UPS did not ship to the Middle East.

   Posted 1 year ago #         

5. JanS
   Member Profile

   

   the Middle East of Canada?

   Posted 1 year ago #         

6. Carol PB
   Member Profile

   So, I work in a dental office & deal with insurance companies. Was checking on an unpaid claim due our office from Dec 2010 and discovered that they deducted the payment from a claim to ANOTHER DENTAL OFFICE for services rendered in 2008!! They technichally were having our officce pay for THEIR mistake two years ago that did not involve us at all! Was pretty much told that they are really charging the patient, which is true, but I do have the insurance comminsioner's office info on standby. I am working with the other DDS office to fix this since they do realize it is between them and the insurance co and patient.

   Posted 1 year ago #         

7. Carol PB
   Member Profile

   sorry for all the typos! no clue!

   Posted 1 year ago #         

8. Carol PB
   Member Profile

   Also wanted to add the fact that we have a one year limit to submit claims, but was told that the insurance co does not have a time limit to request refunds for overpayments!

   Posted 1 year ago #         

9. karen
   Member Profile

   On the other side of the coin:

   I worked the phones at a stereo repair shop. When a customer would call up ranting that their tv/stereo/whatever wouldn't turn on I always asked them to check that the unit was plugged in. About one in ten found that plugging the thing in fixed it!

   Posted 1 year ago #         

10. HunterG
    Member Profile

    

    My best guffaw was when I couldn't read the ID of a customer when carding him for alcohol because his wallet was so dirty. He was attractive and I was keeping my cool while trying to read his birthdate... squinting. Before I could ask, he asked me...

    "Do you want me to pull it out?" I immediately felt a flush working from the neck up, and asked 'excuse me?' so he asked again and realized why I had blushed.

    Posted 1 year ago #         

11. Pibal
    Member Profile

    

    A llllloooonnnnnnggg time ago, I played "go-fer" for my sister's wedding the week before the big event. I called the place where the wedding matchbooks were being printed and asked if they were ready for pick-up. The first words I heard back: "How did you get this phone number?"

    Posted 1 year ago #         

12. singularname
    Member Profile

    Karen ... I totally hear ya. I'm the Managing Editor in the Interactive Entertainment Div at "the Evil Empire." I've heard about the "plug-in" stories from our product support (well, at least when those folks actually worked down the hall). ... It was probably 20 years ago when we had to add to our style guides "Do not use *hit* to refer to the Enter key," because people were actually hitting and busting their keyboards. Same thing with *push*: "Do not use *push* to refer to choosing or clicking a button," because people were pushing the buttons on the actual screen ... thank gosh for touch screens, eh--having to train all over again.

    Toooo funny, Hunter.

    Posted 1 year ago #         

13. Zenguy
    Member Profile

    

    Karen you reminded me of when a customer in Hawai'i asked for a credit card machine. I programmed it, tested said machine and shipped to him. He called me and said it was not working, I told him I tested it before sending it and asked what the display read. He said it was completely blank, I asked what happened when he plugged it in...pause, pause, pause "plugged it in?" lol.

    Another was at a VERY small Credit Union in Alaska, I was training a woman who asked if she could interrupt the training to help a customer. I said yes, of course. The customer came up with a notice and said "I got this notice that says my check was insignificant!" I had to walk away.

    Posted 1 year ago #         

14. TDe
    Member Profile

    Some years ago I needed a new mattress and stopped in at a mattress store down on 1st Ave S. As I walked in the door I was approached by a saleswoman and told her I needed a new mattress. "And what will you be using the mattress for?" she asked.

    "Uh, sleeping primarily" I replied, a little stunned at the question. She then pointed out their display of mattresses for me to look at and walked away. So did I. That store wasn't in business long.

    Posted 1 year ago #         

15. anonyme
    Member Profile

    I've experienced variations of most of the above, so I'll add some common whoppers told by exterminators. I called one last summer after I watched a rat eat all of my strawberries. I explained to the woman on the phone that I wanted to use the most humane method possible to get rid of the rats. (Keep in mind that I am a former biology major.) I was informed that there's no need to feel bad about killing rats, because they are not animals and don't feel pain. Later, the rep who came to my house pulled another Pinocchio. He told me that there was no reason to worry about poisoned rats dying under my house or in the walls, because once they were sick they would flee to the great outdoors - terrified by the sound of human footsteps above. He insisted that rats only occasionally die within the walls, but due to natural causes. Right......

    Posted 1 year ago #         

16. JayDee
    Member Profile

    After telling a client that my Mom had passed away the previous week, he expressed his condolences and followed up with: "Well, if people didn't die we'd be up to our a--holes in people." I nearly slugged him and it took a lot of self control.
    -
    To end on a humorous note as a young man I was working at Toys R Us...and while standing on a ladder a customer asks "Do you have big balls?" and another time: "Do you have small organs?"
    Again, a matter of self control...

    Posted 1 year ago #         

17. DP
    Member Profile

    

    Several years I worked as "relay operator" for the Washington State TDD Relay Service. The TDD Relay is a special service that manually relays telephone calls between deaf people and hearing people using a hearing operator as the intermediary. The relay operator "speaks" for the deaf person and types and transmits the hearing person's response back to the deaf person. Clear as mud? Good.

    Anyway, for hearing callers who were newbies to the system (e.g., an order taker at the corner pizza place) the relay operator would briefly explain the process before beginning the phone call. And it would go something like this:

    Hello. This is Operator 128 at the TDD Relay Service. You're receiving a call from a deaf person using a TDD device. I'll read what the caller is typing to you and then I'll type what you say to them . . . please hold . . .

    The deaf caller would then begin the call. ("I'd like to order a large pepperoni," or whatever.)

    Many of the hearing folks either got how it worked from the operator's explanation or picked it up quickly once the call was underway. But a few of them would interrupt the call repeatedly by saying (to the operator): I don't understand this! Why doesn't he [the deaf person] just call me himself?

    Occasionally an operator would answer this question for the caller* by saying: He's not calling you himself because he's DEAF!

    To which the hearing party might respond: So what if he's deaf! Let him call me himself. I'm not talking to you people. [Click]

    –D.P.
     
     

    *Needless to say, it was against the rules for the TDD operator to say this, but it happened.

    Posted 1 year ago #         

18. Genesee Hill
    Member Profile

    

    Back in the 60s, when I was in my early teens, our family dentist in Kirkland gave me a shot of novacaine and started drilling an upper tooth.

    The pain was excruciating. I asked for more novacaine and he said, "you've had enough novacaine. The reason it hurts so much is the upper teeth are close to your brain".

    This is the same dentist who, when pushing a drill bit into his beloved drill, and broke the bit, exclaimed, "damn, there goes five bucks"!

    Posted 1 year ago #         

19. Zenguy
    Member Profile

    

    OMG GenHill, I think my grandmother took me to the same dentist when he moved above Easy Street.

    The mattress story reminded me of when I purchased a bed frame from a place on 1st ave downtown. The owner was writing out the receipt and he wrote down one QUEER bed frame, instead of one QUEEN bed frame...lol.

    Posted 1 year ago #         

20. westcoastdeb
    Member Profile

    I work in the auto parts business, and take many over the phone orders from wholesale customers for delivery. My favorite phone call I have ever gotten was with a mechanic who needed filters for the vehicle he was working on. Because these things are pretty much vehicle (motor) specific, I asked what type of vehicle it was. His response? 'How should I know? I'm just the mechanic.'
    Classic.

    Posted 1 year ago #         

21. maude
    Member Profile

    

    To be fair, my last name could be a first name. Whenever I go to a place where I need to give my name or fill out a form, I give them my last name and they nearly always ask me in a cranky tone, "That's your last name?" As if I don't know what my name is.

    Posted 1 year ago #         

22. maplesyrup
    Member Profile

    

    When I complained about some work a contractor did I was told, "Don't worry, it won't cause damage, it just doesn't look very nice."

    Posted 1 year ago #         

23. Genesee Hill
    Member Profile

    

    maplesyrup:

    That's a great one. I will have to remember that one for some of my future projects. And I am not a contractor.

    Posted 1 year ago #         

24. lucky chick
    Member Profile

    You might not get this if you're not a skate-skier, but after going through a couple of REI employees who knew nothing about skate-skiing (all of whom claimed to know "a little"), I finally got one who insisted (more than once) that she knew all about it, including sizing for skis (which is based on weight, height, cambre, and snow conditions). When I asked her about ski size, she told me with a straight face, "You want shorter skis because skate-ski lanes are narrow, and if they're too long, they can hit the side of the lane." That was her sole and full criterion for sizing skis.
    I bought my skis elsewhere and called the manager (who insisted it was an aberration, despite the fact that THREE people pretended to have experience!).

    Posted 1 year ago #         

25. ToddinWestwood
    Member Profile

    

    while living in Los Angeles, I spent a majority of my spare time and commuting time on a 1975 Yamaha RD350, a snappy little two stroke twin. One day while caught in traffic on Sunset Blvd, headed back twords Los Feliz, one of the spark plugs started to foul. It was running on one cylinder. So I knew a few blocks down was an auto parts store. I made it there and went inside to the parts counter. The kid behind the counter had his hands at the ready on his parts computer, he asked me " what can I get you?" I say "I need 2 NGK spark plugs" he procedes to ask me what car they are for and I tell him, "no, they are for a motorcycle" he tells me "sorry, we dont sell motorcycle parts here" hahahahahaha
    The funniest thing was, he was standing in front of the Spark plug wall display and I could see the ones I needed.

    Posted 1 year ago #         

26. Sue
    Member Profile

    

    maude, I had the same problem before I got married, as my maiden name is also woman's first name. I got so tired of the sigh and the snotty attitude of "NO, I said your LAST name."

    Posted 1 year ago #         

27. SarahScoot
    Member Profile

    

    Threadjack: Sue, I changed my name when I married because my "maiden" name was incredibly common. (Sarah's a common first name, and I had a very common American last name; everywhere I was a patient/customer etc., there was at least one other "me" in their system.) I was thrilled to change to my husband's much-less-common last name. Unfortunately, it's also a fairly-common men's name -- let's say it's "Matt." I still sometimes get the snotty reply when asked for my last name: "No, your last name." Ugh... but it's a million times worse for my husband.

    Posted 1 year ago #         

28. lucky chick
    Member Profile

    Ha - I have a very ethnic and uncommon last night and have to brace myself for the blank, uneasy stare followed by "how do you spell that?" Not that I really mind, but now I usually just respond by spelling it straight off. At least no one suspects it's my first name! :)

    I should probably add my husband's. Then my name would be Uncommon Ethnic-OtherEthnic.

    Posted 1 year ago #         

29. Zenguy
    Member Profile

    

    Continuing the thread jack...try having three first names that can also be last names, let's just say I answer to all of them...lol

    Posted 1 year ago #         

30. singularname
    Member Profile

    Sheesh ... on the name thing ... and beyond ... (leaving lighthearted but my jaw has drooped since I bought my house 3 years ago) ...

    When I bought my house and got all the paperwork from the title company, it all reads: "... Joe Blow (seller) sells house to Jane Doe, an unmarried woman (buyer) ... ."

    I'm not an "out-there" feminist by any stretch--happily single for 15 years and too many of my father's genetics to allow me to NOT take care of my own self in all matters, but sheesh that one frosts me to this day. All the women I ask about this, of all "politics," are appalled; all the men I ask about this, ditto, are confused by what I'm bent outta shape about.

    Posted 1 year ago #         

31. lucky chick
    Member Profile

    WHAT UTTER BS!!! Now I'm going to be bent out of shape about it too! I hope you gave them h311 (although you were probably too shocked and polite to even register what they had said). UNBELIEVEABLE!!

    Posted 1 year ago #         

32. datamuse
    Member Profile

    

    singularname: Whaaa--? Why did they even care?? That makes no sense. (I mean, I don't doubt at all what it said, I just don't get why it was even in there!)

    On a similar note, several years ago I got a telemarketing phone call where they asked to speak to "the male head of household". I told them my cat was technically male but he didn't take phone calls. (I've since married, but "male head of household"? Really? Who still talks like that?)

    Posted 1 year ago #         

33. JanS
    Member Profile

    

    datamuse...just tell them he died last week. (J/k). The downside to answering that there is no male HOH is then they know that you're a female who lives alone. What a crock!

    I now use Caller ID and screen all my calls. I figure if it's important you'll leave a message. If you don't , then...too bad for you :)

    Posted 1 year ago #         

34. datamuse
    Member Profile

    

    Yeah, Jan, that didn't occur to me until later. My self-defense instructor would be so proud. *facepalm* (That also reminds me, in high school I dated a guy whose father HAD died a few years before and still got telemarketing calls on occasion. To their credit, the callers were polite and sympathetic when he told them.)

    We got rid of our landline when it stopped working and we didn't notice for several weeks. We figured that meant we didn't need it. My cell phone does automatic caller ID and it's a godsend.

    Thinking about the original post on this thread...I know sometimes it seems like cs reps are asking stupid questions, but having been on the other end of that phone line, it's amazing how often the issue really is something that simple. (Conversely, it does drive me crazy when I call tech support and they walk me through everything I've already tried, then tell me they have to escalate the call to someone with more expertise. I get the rationale behind the tiered phone support system but it's very frustrating at times!)

    Posted 1 year ago #         

35. celeste17
    Member Profile

    

    My father has been gone for 11 years and every so often we get a call for him or the male of the house and I ask if they have a landline to heaven? That shuts them up really quick. LOL

    Posted 1 year ago #         

36. MB
    Member Profile

    My father died 9 years ago and we occasionally would still get calls for him before we ditched the landline. My response was usually "he's dead," that too shuts them up and makes them very apologetic ;) I know, I know...not very nice of me, but I know it would crack my dear ol' dad up!

    Also, on the name thing...my married name is a very popular breakfast meat that everyone knows how to spell and I almost always get asked how to spell it. My response, just like the meat.

    Posted 1 year ago #         

37. Zenguy
    Member Profile

    

    MB, I bet it is the favored breakfast meat of the WSB...no doubt!

    Posted 1 year ago #         

38. cclarue
    Member Profile

    i knew a girl who married a guy with the last name pigg. problem was her name was Dusti. and she took his name!!

    Posted 1 year ago #         

39. MB
    Member Profile

    Ya, we definitely will have to take our last name into account when choosing first names for our children! I took the name, unhyphinated and all...that's some real love there ;) Glad I wasn't stuck with Pigg, just a part of one...a quite tasty part ;)

    Still trying to come up with a story pertaining to the OP...uggh, too young for such a bad memory!

    p.s. Poor Dusti Pigg ;(

    Posted 1 year ago #         

40. Zenguy
    Member Profile

    

    I used to work with a former High School aquaintence that had a difficult last name, yet she decide to hyphenate it. Otherwise she would have been A. Hole...lol

    Posted 1 year ago #         

41. MrJT
    Member Profile

    

    MB - Don't feel sorry for Dusti. She's great, and has the personality to pull it off !

    Posted 1 year ago #         

42. MB
    Member Profile

    Good for Dusti! When you have last names like ours, you just have to suck it up and own it. My hubby says I have no room to complain anyway, because I didn't have to grow up with it. I'm pretty sure he got sent home a few times for "pounding" a kid or two that made fun of him in elementary school ;)

    Posted 1 year ago #         

43. singularname
    Member Profile

    The phone calls regarding the deceased family members are bittersweet readings to me. After my dad died, I'd call his cell phone just to hear his quick seven-word message. I left a couple of messages. My mom didn't *seem* to mind, but thinking back it might have made it harder for her. Fortunately, she wisely closed that account after about a year, but she needed it to just let his life-long acquaintances know on those yearly calls.

    @datamuse, lucky chick: No, I didn't pursue it. You're shocked, the "menfolk" weigh in that you're too sensitive, you're crazy busy with life ... but I was thinking about it this morning--picking it up again, making a few calls. ;->

    Posted 1 year ago #         

44. sweetflutterby41
    Member Profile

    I worked for a travel/tourism company and one of the most common questions was "how long is your one hour tour?" hahaha... Our responses were usually either "one hour" or "60 minutes."

    Posted 1 year ago #         

45. waterworld
    Member Profile

    

    Singularname: way back at post 30, you described the title company's documents about your home purchase -- the papers that listed you as an "umarried woman." Is it possible that they were using standardized boilerplate documents? Lots of real estate documents, like deeds and purchase-and-sale agreements, specify what the marital status is of both parties, or come with instructions to include the marital status of the parties. And in many states, lawyers advise buyers and sellers to include marital status. I gather that it relates to establishing whether something is community property, separate property, or jointly owned property. I know that doesn't explain why the seller's status wasn't listed, and I'm not saying this excuses including that if it wasn't legally relevant. It just seemed like a possibility to me, so I thought I'd mention it.

    Posted 1 year ago #         

46. singularname
    Member Profile

    @Waterworld: I'll dig it out this weekend and let ya know. If I can post a pic up here I'll blur the names and put it up--it really eats at me so if enough folks said to chill I might be able to. *lol* Unless I'm a *crazy* unmarried woman, I'm 99.9999% postive the seller wasn't at all identified as male. I'll feel like a dang idiot if I'm wrong on that.

    Posted 1 year ago #         

47. Zenguy
    Member Profile

    

    I used to work in mortgages and that is normal and what they call "vesting" it is the name/s and an unmarried man/woman, husband and wife, corpration, trust...etc.

    Posted 1 year ago #         

48. k2pigg
    Member Profile

    I AM DUSTI PIGG! And I'm proud of it! Don't feel sorry for me! I would be a pretty vain person if I didn't take my husbands name just because it sounds funny to some.

    Posted 1 year ago #         

49. k2pigg
    Member Profile

    Thanks MB!

    Posted 1 year ago #         

50. maude
    Member Profile

    

    Years ago we went through the Taco Bell drive thru in Ballard. We only ordered three soft drinks but the woman taking our order was on auto pilot and asked if we wanted "hot, fire, or mild sauce with that". Um, no, thanks.

    Posted 1 year ago #         

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