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The Bus Girl

Started 3 years ago by Lowery
Latest reply from pepe

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Lowery
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Dear WS female population (guys too, I guess),

Just want to get some advice on how to talk to an attractive female (very pretty eyes...the 1st thing that attracts me) that I see often on my bus ride to and from work (the 56X). I don't want to come off as creepy or a stalker so getting off at her stop and/or changing seats to sit by her are not wise in my mind (in the morning I get on the bus after her but since it's crowded I don't always have the option to sit by her & in the evening, I'm already on the bus when she gets on). Plus she, like 99% of the other riders, seems to be in her own world so I haven't been able to catch her eye. She comes on, looks straight at the seat she's going to take, then dives right into her book or cell phone games.

Is there anyway to do this with someone you only see for that limited amount of time and in that situation (when there's other passengers around that can laugh at you when you come off sounding like an bumbling idiot)? Or is it best to just leave it alone, admire her from afar and keep humming that song "Just My Imagination" in my head? I know there's a chance she's already with someone, even though she doesn't wear a ring, but I won't even know that unless I find an "in".

I usually don't try to approach women but for some reason I kinda want to know her.

Posted 3 years ago #
Jiggers
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Girls like to pretend that they are busy on their cell phones so they won't get bothered. It's a insecurity tool for them to act as if they are busy doing something. If she hasn't given you direct eye contact with a smile on the bus yet, she isn't interested in you. She probably already knows that you are there anyways. My advice is that don't chase something that you'll never get. You'll have less stress the sooner you get over the infatuation. I'd change my bus time to the next later one to get her off my mind. But what do I know. If you want to go for it, you'll have to make that move on the bUs in front of everyone who's riding. If you don't, you'll never know if she was interested in you in the first place. You'll feel better regardless even if you've been rejected because you'll know.

Posted 3 years ago #
JanS
Member Profile

hmmm...now that's a quandry. Advice that I've given females in the past is..get some "business cards" made up ( http://www.vistaprint.com ). They can be generic, name phone # , e-mail. It's a quiet way of introducing yourself so you don't fall all over your words, and everyone else on the bus listens in. Maybe just hand it to her, say you think she may have dropped it, or just write "nice eyes" on the back. Yeah, I know, not ideal - but you never know...live a little bold - life's an adventure.

Posted 3 years ago #
JanS
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damn...now that I've said that, I just realized that my daughter rides the 56X to and from work - lol....what color is this chick's hair?

Posted 3 years ago #
TammiWS
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Or you could think positively....she may actually be busy and not even have noticed you yet AND be single. I barely pay attention to anyone on the bus in the morning.

See if you can find a way to stand on the bus where she's sitting since it so crowded and strike up a conversation. You'll never know unless you try and then you'll be able to tell if she's interested or not.

Unexpected compliments from people are kinda of nice, actually.....

Who knows, she may even be a WSB member and see this!

Good luck!!

Posted 3 years ago #
bsmomma
Member Profile

As a woman, a compliment is an amazing way to start the day. I say do it in the morning. Then she'll have all day to ponder it. On the ride home, be reading a book, magazine or play a cell phone game. You might be surprised and get some sort of response! If she completely ignores you, then you'll know. You only live once! This may be YOUR chance! If she blows you off, it's DEFINITLY not the worst thing that could happen!

Posted 3 years ago #
In2theknight
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The next time the bus pulls up to your stop and you see her on it, hold a stereo over your head with the song "In Your Eyes" playing. I think that'll work.

Posted 3 years ago #
bsmomma
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Or you could do that! That's how my husband won my heart...... sorta..... minus the stereo over the head. But he did sing that to me the night we met and didn't even know that's one of my top fave songs (because of the sceen)! Love it! Anyways, hopeless romanticism is a dying art. =(

Posted 3 years ago #
AlkiKmac
Member Profile

You're overthinking this!

It's easier to engage someone in conversation by asking them about something they're interested in. Ignore Jigger's negativity AND don't think of it as hitting on her.

Stand by her when you can on the bus. Ask about her phone or the books she's reading. Do you know what kind of cell phone she uses? You can say to her that you're thinking of getting a phone like hers and would she recommend it. Or you can do a bit of research on the book she reading (or it's author) and ask about that.

Posted 3 years ago #
Jiggers
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What's negative about my post? Mmmmm... do I have to sugarcoat what reality is? Oh yeah.. It's called 'hitting on a woman' because that's what real men do when they are interested in a female, they hit on them. What else would you call it? Coffee time?....lol

Posted 3 years ago #
Traci
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There's a chance she hasn't seen you even though you've seen her. Sometimes I'm totally oblivious about things like that. Catch her eye and smile, after that she WILL remember you. Gauge her reaction (it might be obvious one way or the other) and proceed from there...Light conversation after a couple days of acknowlegment doesn't make you creepy!

haha OR you could get one of those "I saw you" or whatever blurbs printed in the Stranger that's like "YOU: Gorgeous eyes on the bus. ME: Not a creepy stalker that has a crush on you." And circle it and give her the page. That'll get the point across!

Posted 3 years ago #
Lowery
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Part of the problem is that I treat others the way I want to be treated, almost to a fault. So when I'm in my own little world listening to my headphones or reading or playing some phone game, I like being left alone. So if she's like me, I don't want to be the story she tells to her co-workers about the jacka$$ on the bus that bothered her while she was just minding her own business that morning.
And the problem with standing near her is that the bus is just crowded enough to not have a wide choice of seats to get one near her, but not crowded enough to stand. So If I just happened to stand near where she was sitting, it would be pretty obvious.
You are right, I am thinking about it way too much. Oh well, life carries on.
BTW, she has dark hair...and beautiful dark eyes.

Posted 3 years ago #
herongrrrl
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Many, many years ago I was "that girl" on the bus for someone. Yes, I would get on the bus, put on my headphones and take out a book, specifically to send the message that I was not interested in making contact with anyone. Someone did pass me a note asking for my phone number once and you can bet it did not go well for him. And she may just be an introvert, too, which would make it hard to start up a conversation about something random like what kind of cell phone she's using (voice of experience here).

So, if I were you, Lowery, here's what I would try: the next time something happens on the bus that generates that kind of "all in this together" feeling among the riders (insanely bad traffic, new detour, somebody on the bus behaving badly, whatever--these things happen not infrequently), make some comment about it to your person of interest in a friendly way, and see how she responds. It might launch a conversation, or you might just get a nod and smile response if she's not a big talker, but having had that initial interchange you can wish her a good day at the end of the bus ride and say hi the next day, etc., and see where it goes.

Posted 3 years ago #
Lowery
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Traci,
"ME: Not a creepy stalker that has a crush on you."
That is one of the funniest things I've ever read on this site. I would have to get a really good buzz going that morning in order to give her that. But seeing that I don't drink that much...

Posted 3 years ago #
Aim
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Before I found my "bitter half" I was the girl on the bus absorbed in her own thoughts as well. Honestly, my cell phone or ipod aren't used as a buffer (except from that one weirdo who smells bad and always wants to show you what he found in his pocket... or whatever...What! you know you've seen that guy, or his friend or his brother or sister!)

Anyway, I was oblivious because I tend to zone out entirely when on the bus. I used to be fairly attractive once upon a time, and I tended to attract a lot of the creepy type of pickups. HOWEVER, there is never anything wrong with simply saying "hey I've seen you every morning this week. My name is ___" put out your hand for a shake, give her a good firm (not too hard though) handshake, and then move on. Don't linger. The next day wave and smile, and if she's interested she'll begin to let you know with smiles or chats. If nothing else you may make a friend.

Most women read the "creep factor" really well. There's one weird guy who sits outside my work (a large office building) in the summer and says "hi, you look really nice today" to every woman who sits anywhere near him. It's not what he says, it's the WAY he says it. I cannot explain what it is, specifically, that gives me the creeps, but something does.

My point is, if you're just a normal, nice guy and not being creepy or staring at her, she'll at least be polite. Start by being friendly, but not pushy at all. It'll happen naturally if it's meant to.

And don't forget that just like some guys, some girls are creepy weirdos too. Looks can be deceiving. Talking to her, if you can, will tell you a lot.

All that said, GOOD LUCK!!!

Posted 3 years ago #
EmmyJane
Member Profile

Sooooo precious! I think I like Aim's idea of the "I've seen you..." Or you could give her a business card with "coffee?" written on the back. I know very few women who wouldn't be flattered.

You could also try posting on Missed Connections on craigslist, but that's a total long shot.

Another sneaky idea... on your way home, sit near where she normally sits on the bus with a big bag next to you on the seat so no one else sits there. Before her stop, move the bag so there's an open seat. :-)

Please keep us updated on the girl!

Posted 3 years ago #
yogadancer
Member Profile

I think it's better to find out and try giving her your calling card (name and phone number) then to keep wondering. Life is too short to live with regrets.

As a woman who has had numerous encounters, my all-time fav's were:

1." Excuse me, miss, but I couldn't help noticing you. Could I invite you to stop at a spa for a pedicure while I talk to you?"

AND

2. "I had to give you my card after I watched you put lipstick on [in a restaurant]."

The calling card is safe and doesn't force you to say a lot in front of everyone, nor does it demand that she do anything except say, "Thanks!"

Posted 3 years ago #
WesCAddle
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lol....Jiggers, not much luck with the ladies I take it?

Posted 3 years ago #
miws
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herongrrrl has a very good suggestion, and when I first read this thread a few hours ago, my first thought was that in a way, it's too bad our "snow days" are likely over.

.

In my many years of bus riding, and especially way back when I worked downtown and would ride the more crowded rush hour busses, I would pretty much keep to myself, unless something unusual happened, such as snow, a terrible traffic jam, bus breakdown, etc. I would then often enjoy the small talk with my fellow passengers.

.

It's been my observation over the years, that many, if not most people on the bus, at least during commute hours prefer to keep to themselves. One notable exception, was my last few years of working downtown, I usually caught a 54X out of downtown, that was scheduled to meet up with the Express Boat to Southworth. There were several people on that run that were obviously "friends" from the Boat as well, and made for many an entertianing ride. ;-) Some even worked in my same building.

.

Mike

Posted 3 years ago #
Cait
Member Profile

My $.02 - most women have a very good radar for creep - Aim said it best. I can smell a creepster a mile away and will avoid them, or give them a tepid response. But when someone is just trying to be nice or get to know a person, they can sense it. Chances are if your motives are pure, she'll be able to tell. If you mostly keep to yourself on the bus the way she does and you take the opportunity to reach out and say hi, she'll probably notice that you aren't the type to hit on everyone on the bus or that type of thing.

And also - if she's not the type to carry on an innocent conversation with a person of the opposite gender on a bus, she might not end up being too much fun anyway. Not that it's true in all cases, but it might serve as a good barometer. But... the key here... is that you have to take the first step. The Stranger idea - classic. I knew someone once who did something similar and she got a kick out of it. No date, but it put a smile on her face. Slip her a note or something... "I believe you dropped this" kinda deal.

Best of luck... I had a situation like this once. I really liked a guy on my bus at school so I just sought out a mutual friend to introduce us and we ended up together for over a year... Bus stories DO have happy endings!!!

Posted 3 years ago #
Irukandji
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"I've been having dreams: you and me, a Smartcar, carpooling..."

Posted 3 years ago #
WS4fun
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I like the idea of putting a package or bag in the seat next to you until she gets on and then hope she sits next to you when you remove it.

Just a simple "hi" with a smile will spark her interest if she is interested and available. Keep in mind that many times very attractive women are not approached because men for some reason think they are already spoken for or out of their league. She may be dying for some attention!

Posted 3 years ago #
AlkiKmac
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Post 15, Aim is spot on.

In the past I was considered attractive and people were suprised I was single and available. Don't assume she's got a boyfriend. Heck, don't assume anything. Just start a conversation with her. I really like the package on the seat idea. Also, I don't know where you both get off the bus at the end of the day, but is there a possibility of getting off at the same stop as her? Don't follow her, but if you got off the bus together you can always say "good night" as you go your seperate ways.

I don't know about other women, but as for me, this is how I met and ended up with the my current boyfriend. (I know you're reading this honey!) The day we met, he started the conversation with me. My creep meter did not go off, and in fact I thought, wow, this guy is really taking a chance. I respected that. It's not easy to do that. During the same conversation he asked for my phone number and asked me out for something specific...AND...he called within 2 days to confirm. What I'm saying is he closed the sale. He didn't ask for my number and say "I'll call you sometime". I said yes to the date because he closed the deal and no one had done that for SO LONG. Lowery, I'm not saying you should ask her out the first time you speak to this woman, but if you have a few conversations with her and decide to ask her out...close the deal. Have something specific in mind and don't be wishy washy.

Posted 3 years ago #
cbgirl
Member Profile

There are many great ideas on here-
I will give you this proverb-
"Faint hearts never won fair ladies"
Do something; she may be single or she may not be but you won't know unless you take a risk.
Best wishes!!

Posted 3 years ago #
Lowery
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The problem with getting off the same stop, changing seats (I always take the same seat in the evening since the bus is pretty empty when I get on), etc is that we've been riding the same bus for a few months now. So if I all of a sudden start changing it up...I'd rather something that wasn't so obvious.
You know what would be great, is if all of you could get on the bus with me and be my wingman/wingwoman. It could double as a WSB meetup, too. Who's bringing the Pictionary?

Posted 3 years ago #
AlkiKmac
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Come on! So what if you get off at a different stop? Don't you ever run errands on the way home? Maybe you need to stop at a friends house on the way home? Maybe you're going to help someone? My gosh. If you're too scared to change your routine a bit, you'll never meet anyone, much less this woman. The only way it would look obvious is if you make it look obvious. Be cool, don't sweat. You know, you could always try it once and not say a word to her...like establish a new pattern by doing it once a week. Geez...get creative!

Posted 3 years ago #
JanS
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AlkiKMac, I'm with you. One of my favorite sayings is.."Everything Is Sweetened by Risk"

Lowery...you need to just take some initiative...she won't know by osmosis or mind-meld, for goodness sake...

Posted 3 years ago #
Jiggers
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Lowery..I just started riding the 56 bus and saw who your talking about. You better get on it fast because I'm ready to pounce on her.

Posted 3 years ago #
cjboffoli
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I can't believe this thread is still running. Now I'm thinking that the WSB should find out which 56 bus this woman is on and do an interview with her. She's becoming an internet celeb and she doesn't even know it.

Posted 3 years ago #
EmmyJane
Member Profile

Lowery- you have to try all the ideas now and report back to us on how each works... you could turn this into a dating-advice thread :-)

Btw- I think its funny how many people have referred to themselves as pretty good looking in the PAST. you're all still hot i'm sure.

Posted 3 years ago #
AlkiRagdoll
Member Profile

Sure wish I rode the 56. Dont hand her a card -- as a single women, I dont care how cool you are, but unless I know you I would not take it and it would turn me off. Rather, the complement to start a conversation (or just talk to me) would work on me, but be sincere.

Posted 3 years ago #
Aim
Member Profile

I agree with AlkiRagdoll. Being handed a card or a note would not work for me, as it would force ME to call HIM. And what do you say, "hi you gave me your card... uh... what did you want?" No, she'd not call you, and then it would be all weird when you saw her on the bus again.

The person who suggested treating her to a pedicure? Fun idea and creative, but I've met too many guys who have foot fetishes (not that there is anything wrong with that...) But I'd automatically assume he just wanted to gawk at my feet getting a pedicure and it would freak me out. Plus some people truly hate pedicures.

I really think it's best to catch her eye and simply say hello. Another time say hello again and say something like "hey I see you all the time and wanted to introduce myself." And then do it, and allow her to make the next move. She'll either say hi and move away, meaning she's not interested, or she'll introduce herself back and continue chatting.

Either way, don't make it a big "thing" -- even if it is in your own head. I mentioned before the guy who says "hi you look nice today" to every woman outside my work. I thought about it, and the reason it creeps me out is that the way he says it doesn't sound sincere in the least. It's like his shrink gave him an assignment to talk to 10 women a day, and he's just doing it to follow orders. It's totally creepy.

I really do wish you luck. I think most women would be flattered by a sincere hello and honest interest. If she's not, she's the douche, not you. :)

Posted 3 years ago #
HunterG
Member Profile

Lowrey -

There is nothing more attractive than being genuine and having confidence.

Get your big boy pants on, go up to her and say hello. Don't offer explanations, don't say...I never said hi because I didn't want to creep you out (there is actually nothing more creepy than that.)

Say hi, introduce yourself and smile. If she's not a Bi#ch, she will probably talk to you. AND if she doesn't and you feel it's worth another shot - go for it, try again.

This one guy pursued me for close to five years - I would scream at him, get him removed from my place of work, I did almost everything it took to get him to leave me alone...and you know what happened?

I married him.

Live in the moment, life isn't meant to be easy, if it was, it wouldn't be worth living.

Posted 3 years ago #
Jiggers
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Handing a note or card is like being in the 8th grade. Either you got ballz or not.

Posted 3 years ago #
cruiser
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How about "Hi there I'm ..... I told all of West Seattle via the WSB how I think you're really nice, and that I could never go up and say hi..well now I have"....

Good luck

Posted 3 years ago #
trensuela
Member Profile

When I was younger and more single I enjoyed practicing the art of non-verbal flirting with women on the bus. Subtle changes in how one carries oneselft can make a huge difference and these are the things women more than men pick up on (women are generally more perceptive).

So touch your hair while looking out the corner of your eye, see how see responds. Have fun with it. As with all things in life, trial and error is not a bad means of getting somewhere.

Posted 3 years ago #
Anonymous
Member Profile

So very true Trensuela. Make a casual stand, one hand in pocket. Look out the bus window like you are looking for something but have not yet found it.

Women love a man on a quest, and want to be on the quest with you.

Posted 3 years ago #
WSMom
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I think the note idea is a good one. My husband left a note on my car 22 years ago and I was completely charmed. You could include a self addressed stamped envelope with which she can reply.

Posted 3 years ago #
Lowery
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Jiggers, regarding your post "Lowery..I just started riding the 56 bus and saw who your talking about. You better get on it fast because I'm ready to pounce on her." Have at it, man. At least invite me to the wedding. I'll just be sitting over here singing to myself..."it was just my imagination, once again, runnin away with me. It was just my imagina-ation running away with me..."

I thank you all for your feedback but the one that spoke the loudest to me was herongrrrl's that said that she would put on her headphones and take out a book specifically to send a message out to all, but there was a guy that didn't get that memo so he made a play. I am not in any way, shape or form trying to put any blame on herongrrrl. Honestly, I saw myself in her post - I put on my headphones with the intention of just being in my own little world on the bus ride to and from work. I really don't want to be The Bus Girl's story that she tells to people years later about the guy that didn't get it.

Other posts on here have said that if she's interested, she'll make it known somehow. Since she hasn't, no matter if it's because she's not interested in my looks or whatever or if it's because she really enjoys her "me time" on the way to work, it's really not my place to rattle that cage.

So again, thank you all. Now if any of you would like to meet me to throw things at me and call me names or just say hi, I'd love to meet y'all. With the weather getting better, anyone have any ideas for a WSB meetup soon? Maybe at Admiral Pub?

Posted 3 years ago #
Anonymous
Member Profile

lowery you sound sad but dont give up so easy. These people that say she is no interested have a different experience and are not you.

I say to you, que esto ocurra. Novias están calientes en los pantalones. She will never know until you make it.

Ojo del tigre amigo.

Posted 3 years ago #
herongrrrl
Member Profile

Aw, Lowery, I didn't mean to pee in your cornflakes! :( Hang in there...there will be the day when her battery dies or she forgets her headphones, or like I said some weird thing happens that gets riders talking to each other, and there's your chance. I was just trying to say, don't pass a note. THAT was what came across as creepy to me in the incident I was talking about. Watch for your opportunity, and when it strikes, take it! And good luck to you!!

Posted 3 years ago #
pigeonmom
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You will show up this time?

Posted 3 years ago #
The Velvet Bulldog
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Or...you could just make something up to start a conversation. Like, "Hi, I know I recognize you from riding the bus, but do you also know (insert name of friend here) I'm wondering if I saw you at a get-together or something?" Or..."I see you on the bus all the time--were you at Beveridge Place Pub the other night?" and when she answers "No" you can say, "Oh, sorry--I thought maybe I knew you from somewhere else other than the bus. By the way, my name's Lowery..." and put out your hand for a handshake. It may not garner a date, but it will give you a read on whether or not she's open to conversation.

Posted 3 years ago #
trensuela
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Tacos Del Norte,

You are absolutely correct in your sage advice, "Women love a man on a quest".

This is inline with the Dao of Steve. It is very important that a man do something excellent in the presence of the sought after female homo sapien.

Posted 3 years ago #
Leroniusmonkfish
Member Profile

Buy a car and tell her that "her days of riding the bus are over"...it works everytime. :)

Posted 3 years ago #
cakeitseasy
Member Profile

OP - unless you have poor hygiene habits, odd mannerisms, or some sort of repugnant, creepy trait, I doubt you will scare this person away. Confidence goes a long way. But whatever you do, don't STARE. Staring really freaks people out.

By the way, have you thought what you might do if you DO get her attention? What if SHE turns out to be, you know, creepy? What if she opens her mouth and sounds like Marge Simpson or something? Or maybe she's not into dudes? Or maybe she's psycho?
It's not like you should be thinking of asking her out on a date just yet, sheesh. Just strike up idle chit chat. I know this is Seattle, and people are socially retarded when it comes to making idle chit chat with strangers start with "do you mind if I sit here" and a little smile (no teeth...'smile lite'), and see how she responds. If she doesn't recoil in horror, maybe bring up the weather...etc. Get it?

By the way, @ #2, I agree that's the case many times.

Posted 3 years ago #
km
Member Profile

L.A.M.E. Lowery! Did I read your post right? You are giving up before you ever started?! I am a 20-something year old...recently married but still remember my single days since they weren't that long ago (1 year ago). You chose to listen to herongrrl because she gave you the easy way out. I used to do what your crush does and take out the head phones and book but NOT to ignore people around me. I did it because it was just a slow time that I could possibly use to catch up on reading. Interrupt her reading! Comment on her book! You could even just sit by her once and not say anything...eventually you could say hi when you get the courage. Don't wimp out - just start by smiling and saying a quick hi. See where it takes you. Whatever you do DON'T give her a business card though.

Posted 3 years ago #
cjboffoli
Member Profile

Trensuela: I think you're over-simplifying the Tao of Steve. To follow that philosophy he'd have to focus on being desireless (not liking the girl) and engineering a situation where she pursues him. "We pursue that which retreats from us." Remember?

Not to mention that film's protagonist had lots of game. As soon as he stops caring about getting the girl to like him he loses all fear and can approach her and talk to her about anything.

Posted 3 years ago #
JoB
Member Profile

Lowry..

hubby puts on earphones and reads on the bus. He also wears a wedding ring... and he is pretty shy...

yet he meets people who like him enough to say hello to him when we are out and about...

You won't meet anyone if you stay in your self-assigned seat on the bus.. you have to speak or people think you aren't interested in being spoken to...

hubby does say good morning... and occasionally he even says hello:)

if you are waiting for that one woman who you have been pining after to get up out of her seat and come sit in your lap you are going to be waiting a long time....

Posted 3 years ago #
westseattledood
Member Profile

Lowery -

Best advice given @ 35, 43, 46.

For sure, don't stare (46);

confidence and a pursuit which rattles cages a bit can be a good thing - even a little fibbing in the heroic journey will make for great stories on anniversaries (43) and, finally;

self-disclosure, self-deprecating humor and humility in the right package can be totally compelling as well(35).

Don't be so negative or hard on yourself! You might be letting this get all blown out of proportion before you are even sure of whether she's worth the concern.

But do try SOME thing and whatever the outcome you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you at least took a risk; you will build some risk-taking muscle to use for the next girl on the bus who catches your eye. Yes? Yes.

Good luck!

Posted 3 years ago #