Oh Jiggers, you and your witty blog banter! I really have to jump in here about soccer, with only my opinion. Soccer players are some of the most fit, elite athletes on the planet.... think about it, there are no time outs, delay of game, restarts, resets, whathaveyou. Soccer players are in constant motion, sprints and starts the entire 90 minutes of a game (interval training anyone?). I just recently read that they burn 10,000 calories in 1, 90 minute game. There's not many people that can do that at a professional level.
Add to that (besides throw-ins & the goal keeper), you don't use your hands which is an instinctual reflex. Learning to juggle the ball with your feet, head, knees, using your body in the course of play and using BOTH feet, not just a dominant foot, is skill at its finest.
Oh wait, I just re-read your post -- you do come back to your senses "Football is the greatest sport ever invented" -- yup, Futbol IS the greatest sport ever invented.
Hawkeye, where can we meet for the next March to the Match? SOUNDERS TILL I DIE!