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1. angelescrest
   Member Profile

   

   Y'know, growing up this was one of those words you knew never to use. I cannot believe the preponderance of people using it. Other moms say to me, "I am so retarded" (yes, knowing full well one of my kids has some retardation), and I want to gag. I've heard teachers use it with their students, and it's rampant among teenagers. My 16-yr. old admits to having used it. I hate it. And I am not alone:
   http://www.r-word.org/

   Posted 2 years ago #         

2. celeste17
   Member Profile

   

   To me its the same as to when someone says they are stupid. I always reply you are not stupid. I would say to the person to not use that word it is mean spirited and should not be used.

   Posted 2 years ago #         

3. EmmyJane
   Member Profile

   

   Agreed.

   Another one that really gets me is the term for gay individuals starting with an "f". I don't even want to write it.

   Posted 2 years ago #         

4. HunterG
   Member Profile

   

   or the fact people call things they see as dumb or lame gay! That one gets me pretty peeved.

   Posted 2 years ago #         

5. Bonnie
   Member Profile

   This is something that bothers me too.

   Posted 2 years ago #         

6. ws4ever
   Member Profile

   Or brain-damaged. or crazy. or bipolar. or a woman! Hunter, lame gay is a new one for me. How mean is that! So, do people call themselves these things so, in contrast, they feel they're still part of the herd?

   Posted 2 years ago #         

7. velo_nut
   Member Profile

   

   My best friend is gay and he uses the word gay in such ways as well as the word "fag".

   All in what you are comfortable with.

   I guess we could be PC and instead of saying, "that game was wicked retarded!" we could shout, " That game was wicked learning disabled!"

   Hmmm...

   Posted 2 years ago #         

8. Kimberley
   Member Profile

   If you're using the word "wicked" velo_nut you must be from Massachusetts (who else outside of Mass still uses that word?).

   A fag is a cigarette where I'm from, and a faggot a type of meatball. I still don't understand why it's used as a derogatory term for "gay".

   Posted 2 years ago #         

9. JoB
   Member Profile

   i confess i use the word wicked..
   though not exactly in that context:)

   it's all about context, isn't it.

   I have been thinking a lot about meanness
   towards those who don't fit norms lately

   demeaning terms are just one form of that meanness.

   i read or heard something last night that i wish i could remember well enough to go find the quote...

   but paraphrased... those who are judgmental and mean and cruel to others do so mainly because of their own fear.. they think if they can create moral distance between themselves and the other ... they can protect themselves from becoming what they fear.

   From everything i have seen, i believe that to be true. At the heart of every bully you will find fear. Calling names is just another way of whistling in the wind.

   The problem is that too many people do too much violence... both physical and emotional... all because they are afraid of things that will likely never happen to them.

   velo_nut...

   you make it sound as though people aren't aware of the meanness of name calling...

   but if you turn the tables and use the same names and phrases against those who claim ignorance... you will find they recognize a threat when they hear one.

   they respond immediately with great indignation.

   Posted 2 years ago #         

10. DBurns
    Member Profile

    

    Thank you, angelscrest for this post. I am guilty of using the word, and I feel ignorant right now. There's no excuse, but for me I think it has a lot to do with habit, which admitting that is bad too! I am working on not cussing as a 2010 goal and I will add this word to the list. I don't ever mean it in an insensitive or mean spirited way, but again, it's just ignorant.
    The use of "gay" (which I am not guilty of!) among teenagers is shockingly common - freaks me out too. Again, learned behavior - habit.
    Also, I don't think any of it is really about being "PC" or not, I think it's more about self awareness. Again, thanks for the jolt for me today.

    Posted 2 years ago #         

11. charlabob
    Member Profile

    

    For lurkers and others who are interested in the a first hand look at concept of retardation -- here's one of the best blogs I've ever read by a guy and his incredibly adorable daughter. He fights the concept and the word -- and talks about the difference.

    http://www.schuylersmonsterblog.com/

    Posted 2 years ago #         

12. angelescrest
    Member Profile

    

    Hey thanks, DBurns. Being that it was never a word we would've/could've used as kids, I never, ever would have used it. I never heard it in such great use until what? Ten/fifteen years ago? I was upset then (and shocked!), and that pre-dates my daughter. To me it's not cussing (saying the "f" word is just showing my gutter mouth and at no one's expense)--it's completely demeaning. And, seriously, am I gonna start telling other adults what (not) to say? Nice to be able to bring it up here as a topic for discussion.

    Posted 2 years ago #         

13. Jiggers
    Member Profile

    

    The most irritating word on some survey this year was "Whatever"

    Posted 2 years ago #         

14. JoB
    Member Profile

    there is a difference between irritating and offensive.

    Posted 2 years ago #         

15. alki_2008
    Member Profile

    

    There's definitely a need to look at the intentions behind the use of a word. As already noted, someone from England might say "fag" to describe a cigarette and older folks might still use "gay" to describe something cheerful (which is the "official" meaning of the word). If either of these words was directed AT a homosexual person, then that would be different.

    There are plenty of things people say that are going to offend "someone", but we all need to have a thicker skin when there are other definitions of a word. Would it be offensive to say "the building of the tunnel was retarded" when the tunneling crew hits a big chunk of rock? Retarded DOES, after all, mean slowed/delayed/impeded. In that case, how offensive is it when someone says "my brain was retarded this morning"?

    I guess folks with limps should be offended when someone says "that's lame"? Or someone that can't speak should be offended when someone says "that's dumb"? Etc, etc, etc.

    Posted 2 years ago #         

16. JoB
    Member Profile

    alki_2008

    have you pondered why the term retardation was used to describe people with a slow/delayed/impeded mental process?

    There is a huge difference between using the word in appropriate context and the insensitive and demeaning slang usage of the word...

    Let's use the name alki_2008 as a substitute for stupidity ... as in.. that was a real alki_2008 every time someone makes a bone-head remark and see how long it takes for you to become irritated.

    Of course, that would be far more effective if we knew your actual name or nickname...

    and if people pointed at you on the street and laughed.. or talked about you in front of you as though you weren't there.. or chose not to offer you the same opportunities as others because they decided you just weren't up to it.. and called it a kindness to you.

    I am not calling you stupid, but i am trying to make a point.

    rationalizations just don't cut it when the insults are personal to you.

    Posted 2 years ago #         

17. alki_2008
    Member Profile

    

    have you pondered why the term retardation was used to describe people with a slow/delayed/impeded mental process?
    Uhm...maybe because the definition of "retarded" is to be slowed, delayed, or impeded. And the term was initially "mentally retarded", but got shortened to just "retarded".

    Tell me JoB, do you have any family members that qualify for Special Olympics? Have you ever worked with kids/adults that are mentally handicapped? As someone that has a close family member that competes in Special Olympics because they're mentally retarded (Down's Syndrome), then I DO have some grounds for speaking about this issue.

    rationalizations just don't cut it when the insults are personal to you.
    My point, was that the uses of certain words in certain contexts are not always meant to be "insults".

    Let's use the name alki_2008 as a substitute for stupidity
    Go ahead, if you find any dictionary where "alki_2008" is defined as meaning stupid.

    Why do I even bother coming back into this forum, when I know the SAME person is going to jump on everything I post? Geesh, what an alki_2008 move!

    Posted 2 years ago #         

18. JoB
    Member Profile

    alki_2008

    yes, i do have a family member who competed in the special olympics... and i did volunteer.

    i have also been alive long enough to have seen family members marginalized at best and institutionalized at worst for mental retardation.

    i have watched both children and adults treat the mentally retarded as though they weren't even in the room.

    I am not suggesting that people go all PC...

    but thinking about whether the word is appropriate next time it is used would be a great improvement...

    Posted 2 years ago #         

19. bluebird
    Member Profile

    Alki_2008, your last line made me laugh!

    Posted 2 years ago #         

20. HMC Rich
    Member Profile

    

    Every day my wife thinks I make Alki_2008 decisions.

    Maybe we should use the English language properly. Who decides though?

    The transformation of certain words or terms is interesting. The language is always changing.

    I admit I giggle every time the analysts at dog shows call female dogs by their canine gender name. Please don't talk about a "fanny" around a Brit. I apologize to the Queen and her subjects for the blue term I just used.

    So, intercourse you! Somehow it just doesn't have the same impact. The thought police are going to get us.

    I try not to use the term that was originally posted but Borat cracked me up.

    Posted 2 years ago #         

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