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1. cruiser
   Member Profile

   

   1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people, but keeps the
   building intact. It's called the stock market - Jay Leno

   2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being
   called Wall Mart Street - Jay Leno

   3. The difference between a pigeon and a London investment banker: The
   pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.

   4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas and
   an investment banker? A tie!

   5. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on the left
   side nothing's right, and on the right side nothing's left.

   6. I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching our show, if
   you get any emails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam. Don't
   fall for it - Jay Leno

   7. Bush was asked about the credit crunch. He said it was his favourite
   candy bar - Jay Leno

   8. President Bush's response was to meet some small business owners in
   San Antonio last week. The small business owners are General Motors,
   General Electric and Century 21 - Jay Leno

   9. What worries me most about the credit crunch is that if one of my
   cheques is returned stamped 'insufficient funds', I won't know whether
   that refers to mine or the bank's .

   I hope you got a smile,

   Cruiser

   Posted 3 years ago #         

2. JoB
   Member Profile

   oh cruiser.. i wish any of that made me smile... right now it is too painful to watch...

   but i appreciate the attempt.

   Posted 3 years ago #         

3. ToddinWestwood
   Member Profile

   

   from the great Henny Youngman:

   Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"

   I was just in London - there is a 6 hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.

   The food on the plane was fit for a king. "Here, King!"

   A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge say,s "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says, "Okay, let's get started."

   Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, "Huh. I lost 100 pounds!"

   A priest is sent to Alaska. A bishop goes up to visit one year later. The bishop asks, "How do you like it up here?" The priest says, "If it wasn't for my Rosary, and 2 martinis a day, I'd be lost. Bishop, would you like a martini?" "Yes." "Rosary, get the bishop a martini!"

   Posted 3 years ago #         

4. ToddinWestwood
   Member Profile

   

   continued:

   A guy complains of a headache. Another guy says, "Do what I do. I put my head on my wife's bosom, and the headache goes away." The next day, the man says, "Did you do what I told you to?" "Yes, I sure did. By the way, you have a nice house!"

   A honeymoon couple is in the Watergate Hotel in Washington. The bride is concerned: "What if the place is still bugged?" The groom says, "I'll look for a bug". He looks behind the drapes, behind the pictures, under the rug - "AHA!" Under the rug was a disc with four screws. He gets his swiss army knife, unscrews the screws, throws them and the disc out the window. The next morning, the hotel manager asks the newlyweds, "How was your room?", "How was the service?", "How was your stay at the Watergate Hotel?" The groom says, "Why are you asking me all of these questions?" The hotel manager says, "Well, the room under you complained of the chandelier falling on them!"

   Posted 3 years ago #         

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