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Abnormality...

Started 1 year ago by SlyBanker
Latest reply from JoB

SlyBanker
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I'm sitting at my desk in a downtown office building preparing to execute the greatest SQL code I've ever written. The clock is making its way towards 12:30 am and I swear I hear a ping-pong ball bouncing in the corner. There's no real reason I should be writing this and I'll probably regret it in the morning. Maybe it's the Red Bull I.V. drip I've been on since 8 pm or the fact that I've been sitting on this news for over a month, I don't know, but spouting this news into the anonymous atmosphere of the internet seems easier than telling those closest to me.

"There's an abnormality on your x-ray," says the woman in the white lab coat. That's a great way to start a conversation, isn't it? No small talk, just those six words. But since I try to find the humor in all things, I'm thinking the abnormality they found is a pea sized diamond lodged in my face. I whiffed on that one. It wasn't a diamond. It wasn't even a zircon. Needless to say, I was bummed. I'm still bummed.

It's been over a month since I've learned of this thing and I've managed to tell absolutely no one. Some have noticed a change in me and have questioned me about it, but I've been able to steer the conversations onto different topics. One point, me! Right now, I'm in control of this thing. I don't have anyone pushing me to do this or that regarding how to treat it. If I'm the only one that knows about this, I keep control, at least for now.

Well that's it. I've just spilled the beans to anonymous avatars in hopes that it will springboard me to telling the people that mean the most to me. I've got my floaties on. I'm just waiting to hit the water.

Back to work. Hitting F5 now. Execute!

Posted 1 year ago #
WSLifer
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Hi SlyBanker,
Now I know what caused me to wake up super-early this morning. I think I needed to see your post.
No pushing from me on how to treat it; just important to those closest to you that you do. Treat it. Now.
You keep control by keeping your your treatment options as broad as possible. You do this by taking the first (hard) step forward.
I wish you health, wellness and especially peace of mind.

Posted 1 year ago #
The Velvet Bulldog
Member Profile

SB: Thanks for sharing. Must be a crazy and confusing time for you. I've never had an "abnormality" (unless you count my personality) but have known many family and friends who have. Everyone handles them differently, but what seems to have made a difference to most I've known is they let people help them. People really want to help out (and they want to give books--so prepare yourself.) I've always encouraged people to go to support groups because even if you're not into the camaraderie thing, it's a great way to learn about resources. Mainly, take care of yourself. And get some sleep!

Posted 1 year ago #
elikapeka
Member Profile

SB - Tell the people close to you. You're really not in control of it right now - it's controlling you. It's controlling your relationship with the others in your life.

Trust me, things are not quite so scary or overwhelming when you get them out into the light of day and let others help you.

Posted 1 year ago #
Sue
Member Profile

I can totally understand the safety of talking to strangers, as we don't have the same emotional attachment a family member/friend would. When my (now) husband's grandmother had cancer, and I barely knew her, she used to confide in me how she wanted to stop fighting and just die already, and she wouldn't tell this to anyone in the family; I was safer to share with.

That being said, do you know exactly what the abnormality is and what has been recommended? (Not asking you to share, just to think about this.) Can you get more info about the potential diagnosis/treatment/etc. and then decide what to do and/or who to tell? I think you owe it to yourself to check out what it is and what can possibly be done/happen before something changes and there are no options and you have nothing but regret.

Hope all turns out well for you!

Posted 1 year ago #
singularname
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You can "address" your "abnormality" and still keep ALL control. Anyone who tells you otherwise--doctors, parents, friends, etc.--is simply wrong. Spouse, SO? I'm not sure, because I don't have one (but it probably has a lot to do with the fact I'd never give any control to anyone else ;-7). Bottom line: Take care of it now if you want the best possible outcome. "Abnormalities" can go from easy-peasy to monsters in as little as a month. "Abnormalities" can end up being some gnat you swallowed walking down the street so the treatment is drink more OJ *lol*. "Abnormalities" can be bad news but only get to be better news as you deal with them--it's the "new normal." By not pursuing it, you in fact have completely lost all control.

As for telling people, you don't have to tell a soul. It's no one's business but your own. If it's people you live with--i.e., IN a home AND with whom you're intimate--then I think it's different. I can't help with that one, as I mentioned above. My son knows because he lives with me. People at work vaguely know because ... duh ... I had to leave work for a few months. My one best friend knows everything (because I CHOSE to make her my confidante and helper) and my other equally best friend knows next to nothing (because I CHOSE to not to burden her life with my shi*tty news and to still have our happy times together, but of course I could lean on her in a second). A couple of other random people know because I was in a stituation with them where I let my mouth run. My mother, sister, all other friends, in Seattle and outside, don't have a clue. I've had the few who know argue with me on that point very judgementally, but at this point I've spared my 70-year-old mother 3 solid years of 24/7 misery in worry. And nothing could beat that for her.

Inspire.com is a good place to go if you need a "family" to talk to in-depth about anything re. your specific "abnormality."

go, Go, GO, SlyBanker. Grab it by the horns and take control! And I hope your build came out all right. :->

PS: Really important!!! DO NOT read statistics. If you do have a "bad thang," all your stats should be compiled directly from the people's mouths with whom you share the damn "abnormality."

Posted 1 year ago #
mpento
Member Profile

I hope it works out OK for you. If the medical people are not giving you any time ultimatum (as in we need to start treatment now!!!) then I would suggest that you take some time to learn all you can. Maybe also have someone else present to listen to your medical conversations. It can be tough for doctors to listen since I think their training tries to help them make decisions and run with it. I would say a support group for finding information and knowing your options would be a good step. Letting people help you out can be kind of tough if you like to be in control but they may need something to do to help them cope too. Maybe rather than just telling them the news ask them for advice about particular things. Check your ego a bit don't let it get in the way of doing the right thing. Good luck

Posted 1 year ago #
Zenguy
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Share with your friends and family, you will benefit from their support. I often find just sharing what I am going through makes me feel better. I do believe that meditation or prayer if you prefer does make a difference in my attitude and why not have more people sending you positive thoughts...I know I will be.

Posted 1 year ago #
WSMom
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I agree wholeheartedly with Zenguy. Sharing lifts much of the weight from my shoulders when I have a problem. Even this anonymous kind of sharing probably helps. In my view, letting the people who care about you know what's happening in your life allows them to rise to the occasion, to be better people by caring and helping someone besides themselves. I send you blessings, prayers and positive thoughts!! Good luck!!!

Posted 1 year ago #
WSMom
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Oh, and the mom in me forces me to add:

Lay off the caffine drinks. Get to bed early and get lots of rest. Eat your vegetables.

Posted 1 year ago #
Zenguy
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WSMom...lol and drink lots of non-caffinated fluids.

Posted 1 year ago #
JoB
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SlyBanker...

this is still your life.
even though some not so handsome abnormality has hitched a ride.
if you have options.. exercise them.
but don't forget about life.
it's still hidden in all those day to day details.

treat yourself well...

Posted 1 year ago #